# The Lackadaisical Life of LinkLover



## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

I have decided to start a journal here to put all my thoughts and feelings in one place, instead of in a bunch of random threads cluttering the forum. In the past I have attempted to start a journal (on paper and the computer) multiple times and failed miserably, so we'll see how this goes.

For the readers (if there are any), I would ask that you please keep comments polite and respectful, as it would help me tremendously to have a place where I feel like I can be honest in expressing myself. I don't know how "deep" things are going to get here, but if I end up sharing some of the serious things going on with me (as some of you got a glimpse of in one of my threads) I would appreciate your understanding.

Now, without further ado, here is my life in posts on a fish forum...

All I really have to say today I already posted on Facebook, so here you go:

"Accomplishment for the day: Took V (my dog) out for a walk. Although with him it's more like a period of time spent outside in order to stop and sniff something every two feet in a linear fashion."


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Sounds like the walk I just took with my dog His walks are 40% sniffing, 50% peeing and 10% actual walking. 

It is good to get out and about though. Being outside and enjoying time with your dog can be really therapeutic in itself. I know I came home with a smile on my face today.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

That is such an accurate analysis of a walk with a dog. They "pee" a million times, even after nothing is coming out!

It's true that being outside is helpful. Although my paper white skin isn't exactly a big fan of the sun. Haha.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

I wish my dog would stop every now and then, mine's a constant puller, and when he does finally walk nicely, it's only for a few seconds >.<. I always enjoy taking mine for a walk though, or at least try to lol.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Haha, sometimes I wish he would do that! He's only fourteen pounds, so it's not like he'd be hard to handle. 

Well, today is going to be a difficult day. I am switching my daughter to formula for her health as well as my own. It won't be difficult because she doesn't like it, and in fact she never even reacted the first time she had it. It will be difficult because in a way I feel like I am failing her. "Breast is best!" is something you hear all the time because, well, it's true. But when does that fact become secondary to something else? When is something more important than giving your child breastmilk? I had to decide for myself what I thought the answer was, and I think I came to the right conclusion. A mother being able to take care of her child is more important than that child getting breastmilk. In my case, this means that I am switching to formula for two reasons: One, my depression has become so severe that I am only capable of caring for my daughter for a few hours a day, and then my brother comes and takes her with him until my husband gets off work. During that time, she gets formula, and when she is home she gets breastmilk, which is not agreeing with her stomach. Switching back and forth like that is upsetting her tummy, and is probably not good for her digestion system, especially since this will have to continue for at least another month. Reason two, I am going to have to take a very strong antidepressant to make any progress, and those aren't safe while breastfeeding. There are medications that are safe, but I have either tried them before or they aren't strong enough. This decision took me a long time, but in the end I would rather be alive and healthy enough to take care of my daughter than be able to say I breastfeed her while I become less able to function, and end up in an irreversible situation. I still feel guilty, and probably will for a while, but it is my responsibility to do what is best for my child, and this (I hope) is doing exactly that.


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

I think you are making a good choice, honestly. I have a friend who wasn't able to breastfeed because for some reason she was giving the baby colic (I am pretty sure it was colic, something dangerous for babies.) You are starting on formula somewhere down the line, not from the beginning, so I'm sure she has gotten a lot of the benefits already. Who am I to judge your choices, but I think you made the right one. 

My young dog pulls and my old one lags, if I take them both out I end up walking sideways.  Off leash in the woods is the only way to do it. xD


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you, it really means a lot to me that you understand where I'm coming from and agree with the decision I made. This was very tough for me to do, and I still don't like that this is where things ended up, but I do feel that this is one of those times where the right thing and what you want aren't necessarily the same.

Hahaha! I am totally picturing someone walking their dogs with one arm way out in front of them and the other behind. But hey, if you can have them off leash go for it! My dog goes NUTS when he gets to do that.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Hey, LinkLover. Don't know if this means anything to you, but neither my brother nor I were breastfed a day of our lives and I would like think we developed fine. Being able to be there for your daughter physically and emotionally is imo the most important thing, so in my mind, you make the right decision.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yes, it means quite a bit to me. I know that as a parent, I'm the only one who really can decide what's best for my child, but to hear others say that they feel like I'm doing the right thing makes this so much easier for me. Although my chest area isn't exactly thrilled with the whole thing right now... Hahahaha. 

I kind of want to share a picture of my daughter, just so everyone can experience her cuteness, but I get nervous posting stuff online. Granted, I do post her pictures on Facebook, but I know the people that are seeing them. Meh, maybe I'm just being overly worried, as I always seem to be.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Now I'm going to deviate from what I imagine will be my usual topic (my daughter), to get something off my chest that has been bugging me for a while. About a month ago ish, both of my African Dwarf Frogs died on the same day. They had been acting funny, and at the end I suspected it was dropsy. So one night, my bigger, lighter frog Tommy was sitting in the upper left back corner of the tank, where he'd been all day. I looked at where he was and thought that there was a chance he could get out, since there was a teeny opening in the lid. But then I thought that since he'd been sitting there all day, was bloated and probably not feeling well, that there was no way he would do that. So, being an idiot, I didn't change anything and went to bed. That morning and woke up and couldn't find him in the tank, so I assumed he was in the cave in the back and I just wasn't able to see him. When my husband got home I had him take out the cave, and Tommy wasn't there. My husband literally took apart the whole tank, and he was still nowhere to be found. We looked behind the tank stand, under the couch, all along the floor, lifting up and shaking out every possible thing we could think of to look in/under/behind. Well, we never found him. I feel SO guilty. If I had just listened to my first instinct and covered that hole, we would at least be able to bury him. Cricket (the other frog) died that night in the tank, so I assume Tommy would have died anyway, but just not knowing where he is or what exactly happened has been bothering me every day since. I know I can't, but I wish I could go back and change things. 









Rest in peace, where ever you are. 



On a side note, for any of you wondering about my "Done with pets...?" thread, I had it deleted because I felt I had gone into dangerous territory during one of my bad moments, and I was afraid someone would eventually say something that would very seriously upset me. I didn't want that to happen, so I started over in this journal in order to be more careful about what I say, but also to warn people ahead of time that there might be some intense topics brought up. Hence the request to "please keep comments polite and respectful" in the first post.


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

Yea, it can be risky posting to a bunch of strangers, no doubt. That's why I always get nervous when people ask for advice about anything non-fish related on the forum. 
Being accepting of other's values and decisions is probably one of the most important things in life in order for us to get along, but it is definitely hard to throw yourself out there.

Frogs are so weird. Cold blooded animals, you can't even tell when they're sick half the time!
I lost my favourite frog (Atilla) and my albino ADF a day apart last week. :-( I dunno what happened either, though Atilla's back foot had filled with blood somehow, the other frog seemed fine. I just have The Hun left now.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yea, I have never had good luck with putting myself out there and being honest, and yet I keep talking... Haha.

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that.  I hate it when you don't know what happened, because then you don't know if it's something you could have prevented. By the way, I love their names.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Ugh. My mood has taken a serious nosedive. I hate depression, I really do. It's like no matter what is going on in your life you are miserable, and hate everything. Nothing makes you happy, you don't have energy to do anything, and you want to just be alone all the time despite the fact that you are incredibly lonely. None of it makes any sense. I have been living like this for eight years now, and after hearing "it gets better" a million times with no results, you really want to just give up. The only reason I am getting out of bed every day is because I have to take care of my daughter. Otherwise I don't think I'd ever move. This is such a weight to carry, and I'm getting so tired of going through this from the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep. I really don't want to do this anymore...


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

I've heard that saying plenty of times too (just last night actually) and I admit I'm a bit cynical these days. All I can say is to try to take it one step at a time. Baby steps. There will be good days, there will be bad days, and there will be flat out awful days. No matter what kind of day a day is, remember that it will eventually pass. Find things that you can be thankful for. Little things. List them. Commit them to memory. Do not forget that there are people that love you and support you and need you and will be devastated and hurt if you went away. Don't take yourself away from them.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

I know, no serious problem can be fixed overnight, or even in a relatively short period of time. One of my biggest issues is definitely thinking of things to be thankful for. If someone asks me what I'm thankful for, I can always give a decent list, but on my own it never crosses my mind. Yea, there are people who would miss me, and don't want anything to happen to me (they tell me all the time), and while that makes me feel good, part of me also feels irritated. It makes me feel like I'm living for everyone else, and not for myself, like I'm obligated to sit through this every day because they want me to. I know that sometimes you have to do that in order to get to the point where you're doing things for yourself, but I haven't gotten there yet and it's been quite a while. I have ALWAYS needed to please people, so every choice I make, from what movie to watch to how to live my life, is based on what others want. Sometimes I just want to do what I want to do, but usually it doesn't work out, since the things I want to do usually aren't constructive. It's a dilemma.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Part of being human is just that... Other humans. We all have people we want to please. I don't think your family and friends deep down want you to feel like you are trapped in a place in life that you hate and resent. They want you to be happy. If doing something makes you feel genuinely good, go for it (within reason, of course).


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Darn those humans!  As much as I like to please people, I'm not generally a huge fan of them. Haha. But I do know they want me to be happy, and don't want this to be my life forever. They all make such a huge effort to help me, which I appreciate, it's just hard when there isn't much that they can realistically do for me. Ha, that's the problem, everything I want to do isn't something I should be doing. Although pets are probably the only thing I like that isn't terrible to indulge myself with. Unless of course you end up being overrun by them. But we have downsized quite extensively the last few months (unexpected deaths/tank rearranging) leaving some potential empty space...


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

What do you want to do? If it's not rude to ask that question...


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

I'll sum it up and make it forum appropriate by saying "party". Hahaha. My problem is that when I get upset I become very self destructive, which is obviously not something I should be doing, especially now that I'm a mom.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Ahhh...

No, harming yourself is never a good idea. And you will just feel worse afterwards.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yea, and I never seem to learn that lesson no matter how many times it ends up happening. Although really, it isn't much of a party, since I'm always alone and parties are supposed to be fun. Haha. But seriously, I'm a pretty gigantic mess, especially if you look at my history. I honestly don't know how I'm not locked up somewhere (well, again that is). Man, things got intense really quickly. I am so not good at the whole filter thing, where you slowly let people in on your craziness so as not to overwhelm them.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Well, _I_ don't mind. And I am sure there are many others who don't mind either. And if they do? They can exit out of the screen or click the back button. 

We all need people to listen, so don't feel bad about it.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you, hearing (or rather, reading) that always means a lot to me. I'm glad that I can post this stuff here, because I can only tell my husband the same thing so many times, and I don't really have any friends. Well, let me explain that. There are some people I do consider my "friends", but we never talk. Like my best friend, who I've known for seven years, has an incredibly busy life, and runs with a different crowd than I do. We went from talking every day to having a five minute conversation every few months. I'm not good at making new friends, or keeping old ones, so it feels good to be able to come here and write about what's going on. Even if no one were to read it, it's nice to get it out of my system.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

I'm just happy to be able to help, even if only a little bit. There are so many wonderful people on this forum and some of them have helped me a lot too.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

For me, the fact that you're reading and responding to what I have to say is helpful. It's like someone actually notices the fact that I exist. People used to know me in high school as "the girl who sits by herself at lunch and cries". Hardly anyone ever took the time to even find out what my name was. I have a lot to say, I just don't really get the chance to say it, or to be heard if I do.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

A lot of people are cruel and selfish and stupid. Actually, everyone is sometimes. Some more often than others. Do not think that nobody cares based on your bad experiences in the past. There is always somebody that does. Everyone is valuable to someone.

This conversation reminds me of this song, so here: http://youtu.be/eFXRQKYFbXE

Music usually helps me when I'm down.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Amen to that!  I know that people care, especially my husband. Every day I wonder how I got so lucky to find a guy like him. Or rather, change my mind about him. Haha. But that's a story for another day. 

That song pretty much covered it. Haha. Music for me can go one of two ways: it can make me feel better or at least temporarily distract me, or it can make me more upset. Of course it usually depends on my song choice, and I tend to lean towards depressing music.

Man today was rough! This morning was a total disaster, and I was completely hysterical until I could get my daughter to take a nap. I'm definitely having a harder and harder time with taking care of her lately, so hopefully I can get on some medication soon. Later I had to take her to her four month appointment for some shots... Whoo hoo! Normally my husband takes me to all her appointments but he had to work today, so my brother drove me and I went in with her alone. Watching her get shots is so difficult for me, I had to keep myself from crying! I know they are for her protection, but seeing her in pain is really overwhelming, especially since she's just a baby and I can't explain it to her. Luckily she did really well, and didn't freak out for too long. On a good note, we figured out something that works like magic to calm her down: a Baby Bjorn! All we have to do is put her in it facing out and she's happy as a clam until she passes out and flops over the front.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

So far today has been fairly good. We got most of the house cleaned, sorted through my daughter's clothes to see what still fit (they grow so fast!), and I got to take a shower, which has gone from once a day to whenever I can manage to take one. Haha. Me and my husband got our daughter to laugh for a few minutes, which was so much fun since she just recently started doing that. Her laugh is like my favorite sound in the world, and I can't be upset when I hear it (which is why I NEED to get it on camera). I talked to my husband about it, and I have decided to post a picture of my daughter, so here she is:









This was about two months ago, so she's only two months old, and it's one of my favorite pictures.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Oh my, she is so adorable. You and your husband have a beautiful daughter, LinkLover.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you.  My mother-in-law gave us some of my husband's baby pictures, and she is like his CLONE. It is insane how much alike they look. They both have the same smile and laugh too. 

Today I'll actually be talking about something Betta related (crazy, I know). So we're moving our King back into his own ten gallon, instead of in half a twenty long that's divided between him and my Betta, Link. After watching him I just felt like he doesn't have enough swimming space, since the dimensions of the ten gallon are bigger than the space he's in now. And of course that leaves the other half of the twenty long empty...  There is a local fish store that we go to (Aquarium Co-op) that has some Betta fish, and I'm super torn between two of them. One is a red, white, and blue crowntail, who I have just been drawn to every time I've gone there the last few weeks. He is missing a chunk of his beard, so his "chin" looks a bit funny. The second one is a blue veiltail that is kept on a shelf at knee level, and I'm almost positive I'm the only one who even knows he's down there. He's always in the corner with clamped fins and stress stripes, and so I feel like he needs to go to a good home soon. I honestly don't know which one to choose. I want them both, but only have space for one of them. If any of you guys have any thoughts on the matter I'd love to hear them. I want to try and decide by this coming weekend.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Half of a twenty gallon long, you say? Why don't you have room? Can you not get another divider and split the 10 gallon space for the two of them? That would still 5 gallons each.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

It's smaller than an actual ten gallon tank, and if I split it they wouldn't have much room. I also tend to give my fish as much space as I can, so I feel more confident that they're happy and have plenty of room to swim around.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Oh, I see. I would love to give all my bettas that much space too, but right now, I have all my individual bettas in smaller tanks (1 to 5 gallons). I do plan to upgrade though.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yea, I understand that not everyone has the ability (or sometimes desire) to have lots of space for their pets. I'm just really obsessive about feeling like I'm doing my best, which some people see as being over the top. It also makes me way less anxious about water quality, since whenever I have a hospital tank going and I miss one day of cleaning, I panic. Haha. Good for you for planning on upgrading!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Well, as per usual my day has totally sucked. This morning my daughter was constantly yelling (a new thing she's started doing, even when she isn't upset she'll just yell), squirming around whenever I'd try to hold her, and was pretty much being a butthead until my brother came to get her. As of last week, my brother was supposed to start coming two hours earlier, but that hasn't happened once. I totally understand he has his own kids and things to do, but we made it really clear how important it is that he comes as soon as possible. Yesterday I found out my husband STILL hasn't taken our marriage certificate to his HR office, which means I'm not on his insurance yet and can't see a doctor. I really don't expect people to always do what I want them to do (I mean really, it rarely happens) but when it comes to something that affects not only my health but my daughter's, I figured things would have gotten done by now. Over the past month, I've given two major "cries for help", with one being mostly responded to and the other pretty much completely ignored. I have been pushing through the days since this started months ago, and using every ounce of energy I had to do my best for my child. But you know, everyone runs out of gas eventually, and I've been running on empty for quite some time now. Last week I told everyone I had absolutely reached my limit, and I simply couldn't handle things anymore (if you've ever had severe depression you know what I'm talking about) and yet not a single thing has changed. Everyone tells you to ask for help when you're struggling with a mental illness, but what happens when you do and nothing results from it? You're just expected to keep going through each day doing what you've been doing and have everything be fine. Well you know what? I'm not fine. I haven't really been "fine" in eight years, but right now I'm REALLY not fine. I just want to leave. Just get up, grab a few things, and walk right out the door and not come back. But I can't, because I have a kid, and she's my responsibility regardless of how completely screwed up I am. I feel like I don't deserve her one bit. She should have a mom who is so happy to have her, enjoys taking care of her, and can give her endless amounts of love. I, frankly, am tapped out. This morning I completely shut down emotionally, and just went through the motions to keep myself going until my brother got here. My daughter shouldn't have to deal with someone like that. Feeling like I am a bad mom just adds to my depression, and that just makes it harder to take care of her. The vicious cycle continues. Where does it end? I either get help, or I don't. I guess we'll see which way it goes.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

The hits just keep on coming... My husband took our marriage certificate into his HR office, and found out that we just missed the deadline to add me to his insurance. The next open enrollment time is November, and my coverage wouldn't start until January. We can't afford to pay out of pocket for a personal insurance plan or doctors visits, so I have no idea what's going to happen. On top of that, we are getting rid of our daughter's swing in order to have her sleep in a crib, so naturally I only got three hours of sleep last night. And this morning absolutely nothing is making her happy for more than five minutes, and she is spending the rest of the time screaming as loud as she can. Yes she is fed, changed, etc. I am so tired of being mad at her all the time. I do my absolute best to be patient, but with no sleep, extreme stress, and severe depression, I just can't handle it. I don't know what to do anymore.


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

Your daughter is beautiful! Babies are pure emotion, and as such they are very in-tune with those around them. I'm guessing that she senses you have been sad lately, and simply wishes that you feel better. Though she's not helping. She doesn't mean to be a burden on you. 

I hear you about the health care. I really hope you can still get your medication. We have it the same way. Yea, "free health care." We can go see a doctor for free, but we can't afford any medicine he prescribes because we have no coverage. 

If you get a moment, maybe try and get outside with your dog and breathe a bit. I know it's hard to leave home at times. Don't know about you, but I'm prone to random crying fits which would always make it way too awkward for me to try and leave home. Going some place private is really great for me, no one notices me crying and I have all the time in the world. A quiet woodland is a great place to go. Privacy (and phytoncides!!!!). Home is nice but sometimes it just makes you feel even more trapped, seeing things and being reminded of your day to day life. 

(I'm avoiding saying things like "you should.." don't want you to feel pressured, these are all just ideas I'm throwing up in the air.  )


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you.  And yea, I know the root cause of her issues is probably my own issues. Her doctor thought so too. That's part of the reason why I get frustrated, because I blame myself for her being fussy, and get mad because I can't just relax and be patient with her. 

Insurance sucks. Everyone needs to be able to go see a doctor and get what they need to be healthy, mentally or physically. 

I take him to the bathroom at night every day now, because I feel like that's my own little "break" during the day. Honestly, I can cry in front of anyone.  I used to care, but I got to the point where I had so many breakdowns at school I couldn't hide it even if I wanted to. I agree, I do feel trapped at home. Especially since all three of us live in a one bedroom apartment. It's so cramped, and only gets more so as our daughter accumulates more things for keeping her entertained.

And don't worry, I'm used to being bossed around, so suggestions (no matter how forceful) don't faze me a bit.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

So my daughter went swimming for the first time yesterday. She did way better than any of us expected, so it was pretty fun to watch. My brother had her in the water, and I took video. That was the good part of yesterday. The rest of it, she was having completely hysterical fits for no reason at all. Nothing I did helped. Feeding her, changing her, holding her, putting her down, trying to get her to sleep, giving her a binky, playing with her toys, etc. So needless to say, I was having a pretty rough day, especially since I got so little sleep. 

Today has been ok so far. She hasn't been terrible, but is still being a little fuss butt. Besides taking care of her, I've been watching The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker speedrun on YouTube. Yea, dorky, I know. I just find speedruns fascinating, even though the people doing the runs far surpass me in skill and do things I could never do. Heck, Wind Waker is the only Zelda game I've been able to beat without any help.  I love these games so much, but I am TERRIBLE at them. I have spent so many hours playing them, and yet I am pretty much as awful as I was when I started. I guess I shall continue to live vicariously through people who actually know what they're doing. 

Now the topic of debate for this weekend (which starts today, since my husband finally has Friday off this week) is whether or not to get a new Betta, and if so which one to get. We'll probably go down to the store tomorrow or something, and I'll see if they are both still there. If only one is there that will make my decision much easier obviously. But I still don't know if we'll be moving my husband's Betta to a ten gallon, and whether or not I get a new one depends on that. Me and my husband are both really bad with making decisions, so we'll see if we even figure anything out. Haha.


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## Pandoras (Apr 9, 2013)

So Feng sent me this way,  

Sorry I don't know you better, but if I may say a few things. If anything happens in the meantime healthywise, hospitals have charitable discounts which can be applied for. These programs are available to assist those without insurance who needed medical assistance but cannot afford the full payment. Paperwork is a bit tedious, but it's always worthwhile to pursue such avenues if you absolutely need medical assistance. 

Money (and insurance) should not be a factor if there is a notable medical emergency. I have chronic vertigo, and a hormonal imbalance, but I haven't had insurance for six years, so I understand the plight of no insurance. 

As to the sleep deprivation (and depression), when your emotions bottom out, or spike, there is a point where you can internally see where your behavior is going askew. That point is where you have to snag on and ignore what you want to do/feel. 

Telling people to get over depression/bad emotions isn't the answer, and that's not what I am saying. I'm very familiar with depression and emotional issues (sleep deprivation, etc), so this comes from experience. When you're feeling your emotions (maddness caused lack of sleep), you have to try and swing your mood in the opposite direction. There's moments where we sometimes self-feed these emotions because we feel victim to them.

Recognizing those signs when things begin to get worse/roil, is the time when you can make a difference in how you feel. You won't feel better, but it can help from declining your emotions further than they already are. 

I hope that made sense, -_____- 

Bah. Anyway. When things do start to worse, condition yourself to do something positive (off setting to how you feel), like watching speed runs of Zelda. 

Which, by the way, if you like Mario there are some pretty awesome speed runs of original Mario games out there. 

Anywho. Hope that makes sense. :s I can be so confusing at times so I apologize if I offend. 

Just remember: there is always a hero of time to save the day, ^.^


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you for taking your time to read my rambling and make suggestions. I do understand what you're saying, and I do try to do that sometimes. Usually I just get so overwhelmed that I almost can't think, I just feel whatever yucky stuff I'm feeling at the moment. Sometimes I grab a pillow and yell into it so I can't hear her crying for a few seconds, and usually that helps, even if it just relieves some stress for that moment. Today I did better than I have been the past few weeks, mostly because I feel so guilty that I get mad at a little person who can't talk or communicate any other way than crying. 

Haha, if only. I always tell my husband that if Link were real, he wouldn't stand a chance. Hahaha.


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## Pandoras (Apr 9, 2013)

Oh good, I made sense! ^.^ my suggestion then is to pick a few things to condition yourself to take that opportunity to switch gears. I don't know what those would be, but there has the be a few things you can do. 


Ha, xD


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yes definitely. I respond really well to routines, even though I get bored of it sometimes. But when I know exactly what's going to happen, I feel more in control of the situation and less anxious. Maybe I just need to figure out a few things that actually make me feel better, even just a little bit, so I have something I can turn to when I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

So yesterday we decided to move Terror (my husband's King Betta) into the ten gallon to give him more length. Of course that left an empty space in the divided twenty gallon. Me and my husband went down to our local fish store to see what plants we wanted for the ten gallon, and also possibly get a new addition to my tank. My husband got ten more Neon Tetras for his tank (a very beautiful 29 gallon) and some plants for Terror. As for me... I was still stuck between the two Betta I have been wanting to get. After much debating, I ended up deciding on the blue Veiltail who I felt needed to come with me most. Sometime today I'll post in the "Betta Pictures" section. He is quite a lovely color of blue, and seems to have already settled into his new home. I don't have a name for him yet, but I'm sure I'll think of something soon. Unfortunately, even though I'm really happy I helped him out, I still can't get that Crowntail out of my head...


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Exciting news for the day: My daughter is getting her first tooth! Finally we have an explanation for her awful mood the past month. Hopefully as soon as it gets all the way through her gums, she'll be happier. 

I think for the next few days I'm going to do a "spotlight" of sorts on one of my pets, since I have never really talked about any of them in detail. I'm going to start with my very best friend, V:









This picture isn't the clearest, but I love it.  He has one of my husband's socks in his mouth, which is pretty much his favorite thing ever, even though he has a million toys. He is a Pug/Chihuahua mix, and we adopted him about two and a half years ago. When you play with him, he can run around and be crazy for hours, but if you're sitting, he will do the same and can sleep all day if you let him. He is one of the laziest dogs I know. But that's ok, cause I'm lazy too.  Unfortunately he suffers from severe separation anxiety, so he can't be left alone or he'll whine forever and we end up with angry notes on our door. So, if we go anywhere we can't take him, he gets a babysitter. Usually that's my mom, who he knows as Grandma, and we can't say her name around him if she's not there cause he'll go NUTS. We always have to spell it out or say "G-ma" instead. He knows how to sit, lay down, shake, jump, woof, leave it, stay, and drop it (to a certain extent). I love him SO much, and don't know what I would do without him.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Exciting news for the day: My daughter is getting her first tooth! Finally we have an explanation for her awful mood the past month. Hopefully as soon as it gets all the way through her gums, she'll be happier.
> 
> I think for the next few days I'm going to do a "spotlight" of sorts on one of my pets, since I have never really talked about any of them in detail. I'm going to start with my very best friend, V:
> 
> ...


Aw! V sounds adorable!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you.  He is rather cute, and definitely quite the unique little guy. His only fault is that when he's excited, he doesn't listen to ANYTHING you have to say. No matter what you want him to do/stop doing, it's not going to happen. Hahaha.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Thank you.  He is rather cute, and definitely quite the unique little guy. His only fault is that when he's excited, he doesn't listen to ANYTHING you have to say. No matter what you want him to do/stop doing, it's not going to happen. Hahaha.


That's how Herbie was, and how my current dog, Lucky is. As soon as he gets excited all commands go out the door!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Haha it's so true! No matter how well trained they are, get them excited and all of a sudden they don't know anything. What kind of dogs were/are they?


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Haha it's so true! No matter how well trained they are, get them excited and all of a sudden they don't know anything. What kind of dogs were/are they?


Herbie was a Lab/Boxer/Pit Bull mix, and he actually had the classes for training. 

Lucky is supposedly a Pit Bull mix, but my mom and I think he's more of an American Bull Dog mix--regardless, we love him! He's had no classes, and he only knows sit & down right now, but he's a smart cookie...too smart!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Oh how cool! Haha yea, dogs can definitely be too smart. V is more... clever. You'll take away a sock and turn around a second later and somehow he managed to get it back/get another one. It's an endless battle with him! He actually took classes, since when we adopted him (he was three) he didn't even know sit. But he picked up on everything really quickly.

Here is one of my favorite V stories, that I totally forgot to include in the original post about him:

One day me and my then fiance has to run an errand and couldn't take V with us. We left him (briefly) in our apartment, and when we came back we noticed something was missing... The large baguette we had just bought and had up on the table was gone. At first we thought we misplaced it, then we began suspecting our little furry friend. He's pretty short, so we didn't think he could reach the table, but we were wrong. We searched the entire house and didn't find anything. Later that night, V goes into the bedroom for a minute and walks back out with some bread in his mouth. So I went into the bedroom, and discovered he had hid it in the CLOSET! That is the day we learned two things: He can totally reach the table if he wants to, and he really loves bread.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Oh how cool! Haha yea, dogs can definitely be too smart. V is more... clever. You'll take away a sock and turn around a second later and somehow he managed to get it back/get another one. It's an endless battle with him! He actually took classes, since when we adopted him (he was three) he didn't even know sit. But he picked up on everything really quickly.
> 
> Here is one of my favorite V stories, that I totally forgot to include in the original post about him:
> 
> One day me and my then fiance has to run an errand and couldn't take V with us. We left him (briefly) in our apartment, and when we came back we noticed something was missing... The large baguette we had just bought and had up on the table was gone. At first we thought we misplaced it, then we began suspecting our little furry friend. He's pretty short, so we didn't think he could reach the table, but we were wrong. We searched the entire house and didn't find anything. Later that night, V goes into the bedroom for a minute and walks back out with some bread in his mouth. So I went into the bedroom, and discovered he had hid it in the CLOSET! That is the day we learned two things: He can totally reach the table if he wants to, and he really loves bread.


That sounds like Lucky with my Beanie Babies that I have in my room and he came out with one of them. I took it away from him and put it where he shouldn't have been able to get it, and he came out with it a second later (luckily he didn't fight me for it, he just dropped it).


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Hahaha. They all seem to have their own weird things that they like. Don't you love that? You specifically put it somewhere they shouldn't be able to access, and then they do. Ha, V will drop a toy if we're playing, but any other time "drop it" is a useless command. He won't drop food, or socks, or shoes, or anything else if he wants it.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Hahaha. They all seem to have their own weird things that they like. Don't you love that? You specifically put it somewhere they shouldn't be able to access, and then they do. Ha, V will drop a toy if we're playing, but any other time "drop it" is a useless command. He won't drop food, or socks, or shoes, or anything else if he wants it.


Amazingly, Lucky seems to listen most of the time, there's only a couple times where he won't listen (walks!)


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Walks are definitely a different story for most dogs I think. There's just too much going on, and they want to smell EVERYTHING. Like, I can walk V for half an hour, but we'll only have gone a block or two, since he has to stop constantly to smell things and pee, even when he runs out of it.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Walks are definitely a different story for most dogs I think. There's just too much going on, and they want to smell EVERYTHING. Like, I can walk V for half an hour, but we'll only have gone a block or two, since he has to stop constantly to smell things and pee, even when he runs out of it.


lol Lucky thinks walks are the most amazing things ever! He just wants to keep going and going, and his pulling is ridiculous! He always thinks he knows where we're going!


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

Your daughter is cute. Surprised my tokophobia didn't act up seeing her picture


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you very much. 

Forgive my ignorance, but what is tokophobia?


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

Fear of pregnancy/childbirth


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

After having a child, the scariest thing I can think of is getting pregnant again. Hahaha. But seriously, it's not for everyone. My pregnancy was really bad, I was sick all of the time and it seemed like all my symptoms were as bad as they could get. 

Sorry, that probably really didn't help. :/


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

The doctor said my hips are too narrow to have them naturally. I would probably have to have a c-section


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

Aww my Doberman Mocha is a sock monster too! If we leave the laundry basket out she takes out random things and throws them everywhere. 
Sometimes it's awkward cause she'll find underwear and carry it around. D: 
And she's always too excited to listen. The worst part is that we have no way to scold her cause no matter how much you yell or use an angry voice she thinks it's the funniest thing ever and just gets more excited.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

xShainax: I'm sorry to hear that.  I can definitely see how that would make it more nerve racking than it already is.

Olympia: Hahaha! It sounds like she has it made. I've never seen or heard of a dog reacting like that to anger. V totally goes into super submissive mode when we're mad. It's pretty pathetic looking, so I can't stay mad at him. Haha.


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

Shiloh goes to mom when he gets yelled at. He is a total momma's boy. :lol:


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

Reading all these stories and comments about people's dogs makes me laugh. Really shows the different between cats and dogs. When I catch my cat doing something bad and I yell at him (ie. chewing on the plants), he would saunter over to me, rub himself all over me, and then put his paw over my mouth like he's telling me to be quiet.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

V is a total mommy's boy too! 

Hahaha. Yea, cats are more of a "What can you do for ME?" kind of animal, while dogs are "What can I do for YOU?". When cats want attention, you better give it to them, but if they want to be left alone, they'll sure let you know. Haha.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

We actually joke that Ari got his species mixed up though. He follows me everywhere. He learned to open doors for that purpose. xD If there's a door separating us and he can't get in, he would silently sit outside and wait. Even though my mother doesn't allow him to sleep in my room with me ("because animals are dirty," she says) he sleeps right in front of my door and guards it all night long. He is the sweetest cat ever.

Strangely, he loved to play fetch when he was kitten. I would toss his favourite squeaky bird toy and he would chase it and bring it back and drop it in my hand. Repeat dozens of times until he was satisfied and then he'd curl up to sleep.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

My cat Renji is very aloof, but he has his moments, like chasing his tail 

Lucky is very clingy, and if we yell, he cowers. I think he may have been abused before he was abandoned  just based on how he acts sometimes, but he loves people & gets along with Renji. He did get along with other dogs, but unfortunately, in our town, there aren't many opportunities to socialize him with other dogs :/


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Hahaha. How cute! That's too bad you can't keep him in your room, I bet he'd love that. Awwww. I bet that was super adorable to watch! I've never had a kitten or a puppy, so I have never really gotten to experience the cute things they do.

Oh wow, I've never seen a cat chase it's tail! How funny!  That's too bad. I think that about my dog sometimes, since as you see with your dog his behavior can give off that vibe. My dog doesn't like other dogs at all, but part of that is my fault, since we never go anywhere that has dogs. We used to take him to the dog park, but he was never interested. He stayed by us the whole time, even off leash. Haha.

Today I will be sharing about another pet, our Uromastyx, Daisy:









She is a Moroccan Uromastyx, and about two and a half years old. She is definitely one of the more interesting pets available, and is quite entertaining to watch. They require really warm tanks, so her basking spot is about 120 degrees! Her favorite food is escarole, and she also likes endive and some spring mixes. They are vegetarians, but bird millet is also a part of their diet, and can be used as their substrate so they can snack at any time (that's what we have her on). Surprisingly enough, they don't need water dishes in their tank, as they won't ever use it since they get all the required moisture from their food. She is quite friendly and will eat out of your hand, and tolerates handling very well. She LOVES my husband. This is a picture of her "cuddling" with him when we first got her:









(She is probably just trying to stay warm, but I like to think she's cuddling.)

Besides the big tank they require (40 gallon minimum for most species, but bigger is better) and the really high heat, they are one of the easiest and most enjoyable pets I have ever owned.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

Very cute!!!

Yeah, big hand gestures also scare Lucky sometimes sadly, but he's gotten better since we've had him.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Oh really? Yea, I'd definitely guess abuse from that. I assume he was a rescue, since you don't seem to know his history? That's how it is with my dog. We adopted him when he was three, and he was found wandering the streets so we have no idea where he came from or what his life was like. But he's TERRIFIED of the bathroom. I'm guessing he was locked in one for extensive periods of time, but he could just be weird like that.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

We adopted Lucky from the pound about two months ago. I had to sign a paper that was blank saying that the animal control officers had no idea of his history or anything about him. He was very shy when we first saw him, but it was how he leaned against me before we left that had us sold, and he passed the test to see if he was good with cats since Renji has run of the house. 
We figured he was abused or treated roughly, and then abandoned since he really seems to have abandonment issues along with separation anxiety. I brought him home today after a trip that me and my family took to Texas and he didn't seem to think he was going home, and when he realized that he was going home, he got very excited. When I left to run some errands he whined pathetically, so I'm staying home tomorrow just to let him know that we're not going anywhere and neither is he.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Awww, good for you! I'm sure some people refuse to adopt a dog with unknown history, which I can totally understand, but they need good homes too. My dog whines every time I leave the house, even if my husband is home.  He also always seems to think that we're not coming back, even though we've had him for two years now. Hopefully since your dog is still new to you he will learn that nothing is going to happen, and you're not going to leave him. Then he might relax a bit and be able to just enjoy his new life.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

I hope so, since he goes into destruction mode when left alone, and it'd be great if he got out of that phase XD.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yea, I'm sure it's nice to come home to your house completely destroyed. 

So yesterday my brother took me to a health clinic for uninsured people, and I got to see a doctor. Granted, he was probably the most apathetic looking doctor I've ever seen in my life, but at least he prescribed me some medication. Now I have antidepressants, and an anxiety medication to use when needed. He said the antidepressant can take up to eight weeks before I see the full effect (UGH), but I may start feeling better sooner. Or of course not at all if the medication isn't going to work. But obviously we're all hoping that it will work, so I can start really functioning and not feeling like crap all the time. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Whew! Yesterday was a bit crazy, and a certain little person refused to sleep. So needless to say I didn't do much of anything besides try to calm her down. Haha. I'll be doing another pet spotlight today, since I haven't the past couple of days. 

Here is Buddha, our Pacman Frog:









I decided on that picture because I think he looks quite intimidating.  We've had him for almost a year now, and he's grown like crazy! He was about 1.5 inches when we got him, and now he's at least four! That's an old picture, so he's bigger than that now (I'll try to get a new one later). They are such funny little things, as most of the day is spent just sitting in one spot, doing nothing. He hops around on occasion, but usually likes to dig himself down in the dirt and relax. Now feeding time is a whole different story. My husband feeds him worms, and as soon as Buddha sees those tongs, he comes right to the front of the tank, ready to attack. Lately he's been going for my husband's fingers, so needless to say he gets a bit nervous, since they have teeth and quite a powerful bite. Besides being a little on the scary side, they are pretty cool (and fairly easy) pets.

On another note, we're going to our local aquarium store today. Maybe we'll see that crowntail...


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

Buddha is adorable! Though that is an intimidating stance.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you! And yea, he's getting pretty scary these days.

So, as I posted in my picture thread, I GOT THE CROWNTAIL! I'm so excited! Haha. I've been thinking about him every day for like a month now, and finally he's mine. I decided to divide my twenty gallon long into thirds, but that's only temporary. His fins are pretty ripped up, but I'm sure he'll be better in no time. He's already been buzzing around his new home, and Link has been flaring up a storm (he can see him through the divider). Hopefully he'll calm down, or we'll need to try to cover the divider better. Plus, I plan to add IAL, I just need to order some. Here is my new guy, Zephyr:









And here is my current twenty gallon long:









I went from one Betta to three in two weeks, four including the one my husband has.


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## MattsBettas (Dec 18, 2012)

Tank and fish look great! And, by the way, a twenty long divided three ways is plenty of room! It equals out to almost seven gallons each!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you! Yea I know, but they used to have ten gallons each. I'm weird and like to give them the biggest tank I can, and always feel guilty if I downsize. 

And thank you for the support on the "Do you eat fish?" thread yesterday. It's nice to not feel like everyone thinks you're crazy.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

I'm happy you could get Zephyr, and what an awesome name for him! 

I love how your tank looks! I really wish I could do a planted tank, but I'd rather wait until I'm at a permanent residence before I get a planted tank going. I just don't feel that travel would be very easy with a planted tank.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you.  I honestly have no idea where it came from, I just thought of it and knew right away that was it.

Thanks again! I have to agree with you, moving planted tanks is a pain, so waiting is probably best. But be warned, they're addicting. You won't ever want to go back to fake plants once you go live!


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

LinkLover said:


> Thank you.  I honestly have no idea where it came from, I just thought of it and knew right away that was it.
> 
> Thanks again! I have to agree with you, moving planted tanks is a pain, so waiting is probably best. But be warned, they're addicting. You won't ever want to go back to fake plants once you go live!


I know I won't want to go back once I get started, since I love non-aquatic plants, I'm sure I'll love aquatic ones, especially if they help keep my fish healthy & happy.


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

Zephyr, the whispering wind. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Yes I'm sure you will.  My husband always wanted a garden, but he wasn't able to do that because he'd always forget to water the plants. Now he doesn't have to! Haha. Aquatic plants are a perfect fit for him, and he loves it. 

Yes!  When I was thinking of names I thought of Zephos, the God of Winds in The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (big Zelda fan here...). But I (unlike many on this forum it seems) am not a big fan of the god/goddess type names. Right away Zephyr came to mind, and I knew it was the perfect fit.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Medication update: I'm actually feeling a lot better, and more like myself. Although it still doesn't quite feel like the real me, since I'm way more used to the depressed version. It's getting a little easier to deal with my daughter, and she has actually been better lately too, minus a few weird screaming fits at night. My pets are also no longer stressing me out which is great, and I'm really happy with my three little Betta dudes, although the blue veiltail is still unnamed. 

Not everything is going so well, however. I typed up quite a bit about it, but honestly I'm a little scared to actually post it. I'm fairly fragile emotionally (as I'm sure everyone knows by now), so all it would take is one mean or thoughtless comment to completely derail me. I do feel comfortable sharing things here for the most part, but we have all seen how things can go when people post about controversial subjects. I don't know, I saved all of it, so maybe I'll post it eventually...


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

It's tattoo time!  I decided I want to share my tattoos on here, cause I love them. I have four at the moment, but I have plenty more ideas for when I can afford it. Here is my first tattoo:









Yup, cherries. I know they seem really stereotypical and boring, but I actually got them for a reason. I love cherry print everything, and have since high school. I have cherry print bags, shoes, dresses, a jacket, hair clips, clothes for my daughter, etc. So needless to say, I like cherry stuff.  By the way, my hair does not look anything like that anymore, that was almost three years ago. 

My second tattoo:









It's an Animal Liberation/Human Liberation logo. I was vegetarian at the time I got it, and that was part of why I did. I have arrows in between the phrases, making it cyclical, because I believe they both affect the other. I think that if people can treat other people better, and be more kind, then in turn we'll extend more of that kindness to animals, and visa versa. The way we treat animals can be an indicator of how we treat people, at least that's what I think. It's also a representation of how all living things equally deserve to be free.

I'll post the other two once I can find some pictures.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Warning: Incoming rant.

Here we go...

Let me start by saying I love my brother. He helps me out so much, and I probably wouldn't be alive without him. However he should never be allowed to own an animal. He has a baby Red Eared Slider in a spare rabbit cage filled with two inches of water. I explained to him the proper care/how big they get/etc., and told him to take the turtle back to the pet store. He agreed. A week later I go to his house and what do I see? He added a small filter to the "tank". Obviously no intention of taking him back. I was furious, but there is nothing I can do short of taking the turtle, and I just can't do that. Another thing he did. He had a Betta in a half gallon container who had SEVERE SBD. Like for months. So, I took him and spent weeks getting him better. I asked my brother if he wanted him back, and he said I could keep him. So I did. The next time I go over there (a week-ish later) HE HAD ANOTHER BETTA IN A VASE. I just about exploded. So, me and my husband gave him a five gallon tank, a heater, silk plants, a thermometer, and a gravel vacuum. A couple weeks later, he had TAKEN OUT THE HEATER and put it in the the turtle "tank". I was almost in tears out of frustration. No matter what I do, or say, he continues to treat his pets like crap. The Betta's fins are practically melting off, and is obviously stressed, but I know if I offer to take him he'll either say no or he'll just replace him. I can't take it anymore. Then there's the rabbits. He has two rabbits outside in hutches, and while I know they can live outside, Washington (If you don't know, look up the weather) is not the best place for that except in summer. And guess what? He only takes their cages inside if it's snowing heavily. I'm not a rabbit expert, but I can't imagine that's good for them. When they get occasional time outside their cages, it's in a pen, outside, mostly unsupervised. Here, there are TONS of wild animals that would happily take a rabbit. He even told me he saw a hawk on their fence. Seriously?!?!? Then there is the poor dog... She is twelve years old now, and is one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. They rarely pet or pay any attention to her. They kennel her quite a bit, and often forget she's in there. And this is just all their current pets. There are plenty of others who have been unfortunate enough to end up in their care. I know I'm not responsible for his animals, but seeing them suffer and obviously not get what they need just makes me want to cry and scream at the same time. UGHHH. I don't understand why it's so freaking hard to give animals proper care. Especially when I GIVE HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS. I just don't know what to do.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

That sounds like one of my uncles, who has had two Golden Retrievers now (no clue how this one has lived as long as it has). He doesn't treat them right, only cares for them when they're really sick, and doesn't keep up on their grooming. Yet he does love them (in his own weird way) since he was really torn up when his first Golden passed (she had heart problems :/). I don't understand it either why people get animals when they don't seemingly understand how to care for them properly, even when told/shown/given equipment, on how to do just that.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear about those dogs, they definitely deserve more than that. :/ I really wish people had to be certified or at least pass a test in order to purchase a pet. That way, you have to prove you know what you're doing first. That would save so many animals a lot of suffering. Unfortunately, that will probably never happen, since animal rights isn't something that's important to most people in my opinion.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Well the past week has been pretty awful for everyone here at my house. There's a lot of issues going on right now, and pretty much all of it is a result of my emotional problems. I feel so guilty, like I am ruining everyone's life. Things would be so much better if I wasn't such a disaster. My husband never cries, and he's cried at least five times over the past week. I hate that I can't just be normal and do the things that any other person would be able to do. I feel like I'm failing my entire family.

On a totally different note, I've been thinking of selling aquatic plants online to give me something to do. All our tanks are planted, so we pretty much have everything we need to do that. I just don't know if I'd be able to find a customer base, or if I would be able to keep myself on track with it. I don't know. I guess I'll have to think about it more.


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## dramaqueen (Jul 7, 2008)

I'm sorry you've been having issues with emotional problems. Have you ever had counselling? I hope things get better for you.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you. I have tried it in the past, for three years actually, but I don't have the money or time to do something like that now. My medication is working really well, there is just a serious problem going on for me and my family right now, and unfortunately it's something that needs to be worked out between us.


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## Fenghuang (Dec 28, 2012)

): *hugs* 

This is going to sound sort of lame or shallow, but there's this line from a video game I play and I think it contains a facet of the truth... "And remember that bad times... are just times that are bad."


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

It doesn't sound lame or shallow, and I agree with it for the most part. I know I always rant and rave about things not being good or the way I want them, but what we're going through now is the hardest thing either one of us has ever experienced in our lives, if that gives some perspective. Normally it is just a case of me having difficulties or having a bad day, but like I said, this is serious.


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## dramaqueen (Jul 7, 2008)

I hope everything works out for the best.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you.

I had no idea you could have a day this bad. Because of everything that's been going on, my husband decided he needed a break from me and now he and our daughter are spending the night at his mom's. I have no idea how I'm going to cope. I don't know if I want to get into the details of our situation, but basically right now we are faced with two impossible choices, and we both want different things. I feel like there is no good that can come out of my life, and I am completely incapable of being the right mother to my daughter. I love her with all my heart, but I know she needs things I can't give her. My mind feels numb. It's like every good thought, every good memory, every aspect of my life that had any good in it has been sucked out of me. I can't keep going like this. I have completely failed. There is nothing I can do to improve things for my husband, my daughter, or myself. This is the end of the road.


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## dramaqueen (Jul 7, 2008)

OMG I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you that would make you feel better. Is there anyone at all that you could talk to? A trusted friend or family member who would be supportive and nonjudgemental? Or a clergyman, priest, Rabbi or someone?


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## Chesh (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't know you, I don't know your story - I only stumbled onto the last few posts on this thread - but I feel for you. . .

Sometimes life gets overwhelming, sometimes - there _IS _no right answer, no easy solution, no quick fix. Sometimes all you've got to give seems miles away from enough - especially when kids are in the mix. 
Sometimes it feels like too much - I understand, I do. I understand impossible, I understand lost, I understand hopeless. I've been there, in my own way, in my own world. . .

But yanno what? The end of the road is never in the middle of nowhere, and the darkest hour is _always _just before dawn. Sounds like cheesy sentimentality, maybe - but true just the same. We are never given more than we can bear. Hang in there - you'll make it through. You _all_ will. . . 

If you ever need to talk, feel free to send me a message. Sometimes it helps to vent until you're empty, and when all the pieces are laid out on the table, every once in a while, the puzzle seems just a bit easier to put together.

*hugs* good luck, momma. You're never alone, and there's always a way through - even if it isn't the way that you would have chosen . . .


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## SeaKnight (May 24, 2013)

Chesh said:


> I don't know you, I don't know your story - I only stumbled onto the last few posts on this thread - but I feel for you. . .
> 
> Sometimes life gets overwhelming, sometimes - there _IS _no right answer, no easy solution, no quick fix. Sometimes all you've got to give seems miles away from enough - especially when kids are in the mix.
> Sometimes it feels like too much - I understand, I do. I understand impossible, I understand lost, I understand hopeless. I've been there, in my own way, in my own world. . .
> ...


Couldn't agree more!!!!!!!!!!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you all for being so supportive. Luckily, me and my husband were able to talk things out and make plans for what we're going to do from here. There is no guarantee that it will go well, but at least we're giving it a try. I can only hope that we are able to make it work and be a happy family.


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## dramaqueen (Jul 7, 2008)

I'm glad to hear that you and your husband talked. I wish you and your family the best.


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

I'm glad things worked out for the better!


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you both.

*Sigh*...

Although things have been "figured out" in theory, in practice it isn't going so well. I'm having multiple meltdowns daily while taking care of my daughter, me and my husband continue to argue about things, I feel like I can never spend time with my dog anymore, and the list goes on and on. It's like this battle will never be over, and I will be stuck in this miserable state for the foreseeable future. I'm not getting nearly enough sleep which makes things ten times worse, then there's the fact that my medication makes me sleepy, I'm starting to have weight issues again, I spend most of my days crying... yet THIS is the best solution we can come up with. My husband says I have choices, but I think that's a bunch of crap. How do you choose between something you can't do and something that you feel isn't right? Either way, I'm the one who ends up suffering while he gets to enjoy his life. As long as I can remember, I have always sacrificed my happiness to bring happiness to others. When do I get my turn? When do I get to live the life I want? Because it looks like the answer is "never".


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

After reading all this and thinking about all my usual daily conversations, I'm tired of my own whining.  I know I have a legitimate reason to be having a bad time right now (I haven't gone into too much detail but it is serious), but I feel like one of those rain clouds that just hovers over people and makes them miserable. So, I'm going to try really hard to be less negative here, or at least just talk about the things that aren't bothering me right now. Occasionally I'm sure I'll still need to vent, but I'm going to put all my effort into creating a positive place for myself. 

To start, I'm HOPING to get my hair cut this weekend, since I haven't done anything to it for over a year (that's a record for me) and it's driving me nuts. Usually I like to do something unusual or interesting, but nothing's really doing it for me yet. Although I think I might go back to having a mohawk, since that's been my favorite hairstyle so far. I'm nervous though, because my hair is longer than it's been in six years, so I don't want to waste all the effort it took not to cut it. Haha. 

Also... I might be getting a tattoo!  As usual though, I can't decide what I want. I'm debating whether I should get the tattoo I want for my mom (details aren't decided on yet) or the one for my daughter. The only issue I'm having with my daughter's tattoo is the placement. I have this tattoo for my husband (I hadn't posted it yet and I said I would, so now seems appropriate):









(He loves dragons, and has his whole life, so this is what we picked.)

I either want to place it under his tattoo, where I will eventually have a whole sleeve of family related stuff, since my sister's tattoo is also on that arm:









(That's only part of it, there are little designs on the other side.)

Or, I want to put it by my heart. 

Why do I have to be so indecisive? :roll:


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## BettaLover1313 (Apr 15, 2013)

Very interesting tattoos! 

Everyone needs to vent, especially when they're going through rough times. I know I vent a lot to my mom, but that's because she and I are really close. Sometimes I'll post in my journal about things that have upset me as well, especially involving work, or some issues that are just bothering me. It's good though, that you're trying to create a positive space for yourself


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Thank you! And yea, I'll still need to get stuff out of my system on occasion, but I'm going to try and save it for when I REALLY need to do it.

Well, I got a tattoo! However, it wasn't either of the things I was planning on. Hahaha. I was browsing Google for pictures of Link, from The Legend of Zelda, and I happened on a Wind Waker image that struck me. It's my favorite game (the only one I've ever beaten without help), so I decided that I was going to get it. And it's not just going to be one cool tattoo... it's the beginning of an entire sleeve dedicated to the game! I'm super excited!


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## Chesh (Feb 17, 2012)

Nice! Link is the man - three cheers for Zelda - and tats, and sleeeeeeeves!!!
. . . hope things are looking brighter over there.


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