# My mom doesn't take care of her fish!!



## MissLyss1024 (Jun 24, 2012)

I love my mother, but she is so stubborn!! She has a 10 gallon she's had set up for 5 months now that started with 3 tetras. I thought for sure they wouldn't live. She doesn't clean the tank or do ANY water changes. EVER. Shockingly, they are still alive. A few weeks ago she added 2 chinese algae eaters, a big one that's about 4 inches long and a smaller 2-3 inch one. I went shopping with her today and couldn't talk her out of getting more fish! She got 4 more tetras (not sure what kind they all are, just that they're tetras) and she also got a female betta not knowing it was one. This pet store had 2 female bettas in a tank with a ton of other fish. One had a protruding white eye and both of them had clamped fins, you could tell the poor things were so stressed! I also noticed a few of the fish in the tank darting around rubbing against everything so I'm sure these new fish she just brought home and threw in the tank have itch. I BEGGED her to give me the betta so I could treat her and give her a quiet happy and clean home but she refused. I try to guide her and tell her to clean the tank, that's too many fish, get a better heater and thermometer but she thinks her way is right, I'm wrong and I think I'm some sort of "fish expert." Am I crazy and over reacting or is this a bad situation? I need some guidance! She's one of the "bettas can live in a cup of cold water and thrive" people even though I've tried my hardest to educate her but she doesn't care. No doubt I'm going to be worried about her fishies, especially that beautiful betta girl :roll:


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## Chuckee (Nov 17, 2012)

I certainly hope that you said something -publicly- to the person who helped you at the store. 
Generally, the more people who hear you say something like, "Sir, I think that tank has ---, look at how the fish ----. Has the issue been addressed, and why aren't they quarantined?" the more likely they'll be to deal with it. 
You can't be too "oh, poor fishies" or "what the hell is wrong with you people to let this happen?!" about it. Just a calm (and clear-spoken) "Reassure a customer who doesn't want to spend money on disease, please"

As to your mother, have you tried being sneaky? Change her water for her, a cup at a time, and pretend it's just force of habit. That's how I dealt with my mother's plants for a good while. Once she saw the difference (and, admittedly, had the peace of mind) she got right into it. Now many of her plants are thriving better than mine...

I'm sure that she cares more than you know. But most of the time, the older we get, the less we wanna hear people tell us we're wrong.
Just be respectful and laid-back about it. She's an adult, she's going to make her own decisions and you've got no more say in those than you do in who she kisses goodnight. But you can always throw out what you've learned. People react much more intellectually to ideas that you present for review than those that you hand them as concrete fact. Every person has the right to process information and decide what they believe in.
My mother and I bounce ideas and information off each other constantly. 
"I read an article today that stated ----- " 
"Oh? Well I guess that makes sense, but ----" 
"That's what I would think, but ---" 
"That sounds a little half-baked. Did it say anything about ----?"
"No, but it cited ---- study, and gave ----- reasoning"
And so on....


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## MistersMom (Aug 9, 2011)

There was a tetra type fish today that had ich so bad, it looked like it snowed on it, it was ridiculous, and i stood on my tip toes to see into the tank, no gravel, the bottom was literally COVERED in fish bones, literally.... piles and skulls, it was ridiculous.


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## Chuckee (Nov 17, 2012)

MistersMom said:


> There was a tetra type fish today that had ich so bad, it looked like it snowed on it, it was ridiculous, and i stood on my tip toes to see into the tank, no gravel, the bottom was literally COVERED in fish bones, literally.... piles and skulls, it was ridiculous.



I went into a walmart a couple of days ago, and literally every one of their tanks was mostly dead fish, but fresh dead, and all of their live ones were huddling in corners as far away as they could get from the mess of floating bodies.
I almost feel ashamed to say this, but that was the first time in my life that I ever looked at the cupped bettas and didn't cringe. They were all safe...
It was one of the saddest things I've seen in a while, but it clearly wasn't outright neglect. Something happened to their system and shocked the critters. I went back the next afternoon and every tank was scrubbed clean, with two set up as quarantine tanks. They even actually put hidey-holes in for the remaining fish, so that they would feel a little safer, which is something I've never seen at a walmart in my life. It made me feel a little better, too.


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## MistersMom (Aug 9, 2011)

Thats good. thats awful though, that it happened...


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## MissLyss1024 (Jun 24, 2012)

We were the only ones in the store and I didn't stay while she picked them out. I wish I had the guts to say something! I'm so tired of seeing fish that aren't taken care of in basically every pet store that it's to the point I try to avoid those sections all together.


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## FoodFish (Nov 10, 2012)

Chuckee said:


> I went into a walmart a couple of days ago, and literally every one of their tanks was mostly dead fish, but fresh dead, and all of their live ones were huddling in corners as far away as they could get from the mess of floating bodies.
> I almost feel ashamed to say this, but that was the first time in my life that I ever looked at the cupped bettas and didn't cringe. They were all safe...
> It was one of the saddest things I've seen in a while, but it clearly wasn't outright neglect. Something happened to their system and shocked the critters. I went back the next afternoon and every tank was scrubbed clean, with two set up as quarantine tanks. They even actually put hidey-holes in for the remaining fish, so that they would feel a little safer, which is something I've never seen at a walmart in my life. It made me feel a little better, too.


This almost made me cry. Why do they sell/keep the fishes if they don't take care of them? Really?


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## babystarz (Aug 3, 2012)

Maybe you could talk her into planting the tank? At least that way, the plants will help filter the water.


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## Rockandrollgirl09 (Oct 22, 2012)

Im glad that your walmart is willing to do that and take care of there fish. My walmart doesn't half of the time every fish is dead in the tank and the others look so skinny and hungry that they have to feed off of there tank mates. One time in particular I went there and looked at the bettas and I was apalled at what I saw. Someone had taken a male betta and placed him in with a female. The male was pretty much attacking the female because he wanted to mate I think and she didnt. I told one of the workers and he said oh ok. The next day I went back to check on the betta and her well being and they were still together so I told someone else and finally someone did something. I was so mad.


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## MistersMom (Aug 9, 2011)

These are such awful stories...!


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## hannah16 (Mar 3, 2011)

MissLyss1024 said:


> I love my mother, but she is so stubborn!! She has a 10 gallon she's had set up for 5 months now that started with 3 tetras. I thought for sure they wouldn't live. She doesn't clean the tank or do ANY water changes. EVER. Shockingly, they are still alive. A few weeks ago she added 2 chinese algae eaters, a big one that's about 4 inches long and a smaller 2-3 inch one. I went shopping with her today and couldn't talk her out of getting more fish! She got 4 more tetras (not sure what kind they all are, just that they're tetras) and she also got a female betta not knowing it was one. This pet store had 2 female bettas in a tank with a ton of other fish. One had a protruding white eye and both of them had clamped fins, you could tell the poor things were so stressed! I also noticed a few of the fish in the tank darting around rubbing against everything so I'm sure these new fish she just brought home and threw in the tank have itch. I BEGGED her to give me the betta so I could treat her and give her a quiet happy and clean home but she refused. I try to guide her and tell her to clean the tank, that's too many fish, get a better heater and thermometer but she thinks her way is right, I'm wrong and I think I'm some sort of "fish expert." Am I crazy and over reacting or is this a bad situation? I need some guidance! She's one of the "bettas can live in a cup of cold water and thrive" people even though I've tried my hardest to educate her but she doesn't care. No doubt I'm going to be worried about her fishies, especially that beautiful betta girl :roll:


I realize I'm bumping this thread but... What happen..? Did your mom fix the tank? Did any of the fish die? Did you save the girl betta?


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## isochronism (Nov 24, 2012)

I myself would do a water change/treatment when she is out and not tell her. I don't want you to get in trouble. 
Merry Christmas


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## callistra (Jun 29, 2010)

Even if the cycle is fully established, when the nitrates reach high enough all the fish will eventually die and then maybe she'll listen.. this is horrible  I'm sorry your mom has to learn how to keep fish well the hard way.


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## isochronism (Nov 24, 2012)

Miss, I'm glad she was at least a bit more conscientious with your raising  Good luck... parents can be so tough to train


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## MissLyss1024 (Jun 24, 2012)

Unfortunately the female betta died a few days later  All the others seem fine, surprisingly no illnesses whatsoever. I gave up trying to help her with them. Even when they do all die because she refuses to take care of them the right way it'll only be a matter of days before she goes to the pet store and stocks the tank again with too many fish /fish that shouldn't be together. I probably won't even be able to get her to at least clean the tank out before she does.


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## Solaris (Dec 2, 2012)

Oh dear. I'm sorry. It would be tough to have to live with that right in your house! But, sometimes, no matter how much you try to convince someone, it just doesn't work. Especially if they're stubborn and think that they're always right!

And the stories of what happens in stores sometimes are just terrible! Just today I was at the pet store and saw a Betta in with the goldfish! I mentioned it to a worker, but she just shrugged me off and said that they were okay living together. Then I saw them most gorgeous CT, but my tank isn't cycled yet, so I had to leave him. :-(


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## badauntie (Sep 3, 2017)

*betta napper*

I am the worst aunt ever, I took care of my nieces fish while they were on extended holiday. They keep the fish in a 1 gallon, cold tank. They had two (they were in same 1 gallon tank with a divider between them, but one died this past year. So I have had their fish for 3.5 weeks now & I put him in a 5 gallon tank with a filter & a heater. He has perked up, he swims with his fins open and very interactive, I come into the room and he swims right up to me & follows me when I move around the room. I couldn't give him back, my sister in law wanted me to put him back in that cold, cramped tank. 
So I went to tropical fish store & got another betta just like theirs and put it in their tank & gave it back to them. So far they haven't noticed, but I feel really bad but I just couldn't let that beautiful fish go back to how the kept him, when I used to come by the kids didn't always remember to feed him, they only gave him 2 pellets of food a day, he stayed mostly at the bottom of his bowl and his fins were always clenched. I know I am the worst aunt ever


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## ryry2012 (Mar 31, 2015)

Thread closed. It's over 4 years old thread. Betta Fish Rule #12.
*
12. Do not resurrect or bump threads without reason.*
Please do not post to a thread that has not received a reply in a long time that is not more appropriate in a new thread. Similarly, please use "bumps" sparingly and do not bump your thread unless a significant amount of time has passed without any response.


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