# >_< a terrible mistake



## asukabetta (Oct 2, 2012)

I think I may have done a terrible mistake.

A cousin of one of my friends was quite taken with my betta fish, I showed her how they were, their personalities...etc

I was kinda telling how great they were, then she told me how she would love to have a fish that was as fancy since she only had goldfish.

When I heard about the goldfish, I was happy because there are few who do fish keeping here in spain. We talked a bit more and I told her I could tell her more about bettas some other day.

Yesterday she invited me to her house, and I asked if I could see her goldfish when I was there. To my horror... what I saw was a 5 gallon-ish tank, with at least 6-9 goldfish there, most of them dead... floating there. The water was DISGUSTING. And the smell was FOUL.

She complained about the smell and how her fish liked to sleep a lot. I told her they were dead not sleeping and she was like "Oh. I was wondering that. They keep dying on me"

I felt my heart sink as she pulled out the fish that were dead, and as she did she said something along the lines of 

"I'm tired of buying these boring easy dying fish, so that is why I wanted something a bit nicer that doesn't require much care."

I then asked here how many she had, and she said she couldn't remember, she bought far too many for 2 euro -3euro each.

I told her to fix the smell she should at least get a filter and clean the tank water, but she replied saying it was too much work then asked me

"Is it true that the betta's hardly require care?"

I went silent for a second but then tried to tell her that betta's like any fish needed clean water, conditioner, a heater and perhaps a filter for such a tank she had.

She told me she was sure a fish didn't need as much care, as they were just fish. And she told me that with just tap water and food they would do fine.

I tried to convince her NOT to buy the betta's using the "having to care for the goldfish" as an excuse.

Later my friend called telling me how her cousin had bought two MALE betta's and was going to put them in the tank. She did tell me that she also bought a filter and cleaned the water, but didn't know if she bought conditioner, heater or was even going to divide the tank at all. I also asked about the goldfish, but my friend said she didn't know either.

Today I was called over by the cousin who wanted to show off her betta's to me.

I went to her house again, and the water as clean, and there was a filter, but it was way too strong... she had decorated it with gravel and plastic plants, but there was no heater, no use of conditioner and the two betta's were in the same tank with no separators... one was already half dead (due to a fight I guess), one was pretty much hiding on the bottom, gasping, fins torn.

She telling me how feisty they were acting proud, and I told her off for the terrible care she was giving them.

An argument issued, which ended badly, she kinda ended our friendship with a "If the stupid fish dies I'll get another!"

I don't really care remaining her friend or not, we didn't know each other for much anyways, but I am concerned about the fish. And the mysteriously "disappeared" goldfish.

Is there anything I can do? I kinda feel guilty since I was the one who told her about betta fish and all.. and I also feel bad for the amount of goldfish she has killed already...


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## Onlyonagoodday (Jan 20, 2012)

That's awful. Can you ask your friend to talk to their cousin for you? Perhaps they could more easily encourage good pet keeping habits.


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## ao (Feb 29, 2012)

just leave her alone and concentrate one making your own fish as healthy as possible... when all her fish dies... and if she ever sees your fish again. she might realize something. otherwise she's the type that will never be kind to fish anyway


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

She sounds mentally disturbed. How old is she?


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## asukabetta (Oct 2, 2012)

She is older than me about 26-27 years old in other words an adult, she says shes an animal lover but her actions and pets say otherwise, anyways your right aokashi :/ poor fish though


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## lelei (Apr 30, 2012)

Its a shame that we cannot make someone understand that they are doing wrong, we can beg, plead, and even try to prove what makes a good pet owner, but until they are willing to listen, to try..to learn..they will not be ready to own a pet..Especially a fish, because they do require work, and a lot of it..and being stubborn makes it worse..sorry


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## SnowySurface (Apr 25, 2011)

I don't think what you did was a mistake. You talked to someone, whom you assumed loves fish, about fish only to find out the "fish lover" doesn't see fish as living things that deserve respect. It's a shame the cousin will continue to veiw fish as cheap replacable items, but you can't fix that type of personality. If someone can't see a living thing as "alive" unless it has fur, that person is a lost cause. No amount of fish care education will get her to treat fish right or give up the hobby. 

Just wash your hands of the counsin and move on without feeling guilt. Any fish that die under her "care" are her burden to bare, not your's.


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## pitcairnpete (Mar 3, 2012)

Tell her to sort her life out before she ends the lives of others. Explain that once again her decision to learn very little has impacted on others...

_Reminder; this is a family friendly forum with people of all ages. Please watch your language. Thanks._


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## LebronTheBetta (Apr 23, 2012)

Wow! It's a family friendly forum!! No matter how this makes us very mad and pissed, we have to make sure it's curse free. Well, no big curse words that is. 

There's still something wrong with this.. It's unbelievable. :'l


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## logisticsguy (Sep 7, 2012)

Ive seen many people who consider themselves ``animal lovers`` give just horrid care to their pets be it dogs, cats or fish. Some people just like to get the pet but do not like the clean up of poop or buying the necessary equipment to do a proper job. Real animal lovers clean the tank or yard and spend the money required to ensure the pet is healthy.


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## LeoTheLakerBetta (Oct 12, 2012)

She is not mentally disturbed. She is denying her negligence. I agree with aokashi but if she complains about her fish dying again, I would try to give her some stern advice and tell her if she wants them to live this is how you do it...


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

asukabetta said:


> She complained about the smell and how her fish liked to sleep a lot. I told her they were dead not sleeping and she was like "Oh. I was wondering that. They keep dying on me"





LeoTheLakerBetta said:


> She is not mentally disturbed. She is denying her negligence. I agree with aokashi but if she complains about her fish dying again, I would try to give her some stern advice and tell her if she wants them to live this is how you do it...


If a 26 year old person thinks a DEAD FISH is SLEEPING, then yeah, there is something seriously wrong with her upstairs.


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

+1 million to that, she's not all there in the head.


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## DoctorWhoLuver (Feb 23, 2012)

That's so sad  Some people think they know everything


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## SnowySurface (Apr 25, 2011)

I agree with DoctorWhoLuver. The cousin doesn't strike me as someone who is mentally ill. She strikes me as someone who always thinks she is right and everyone else is wrong. 

If the fish die, it's because they weren't hardy enough to survive and will be replaced with a fish that are hardy. If you have a bigger set up with more supplies (i.e. heaters, filter, thermometer) than her set up, it's because you are spoiling the fish. If you do more water changes and gravel syphoning/sand cleaning, you are being paranoid and need to stop hovering over your tank. If you tell her that what she is doing is wrong, then you are an arrogant know-it-all trying to backseat drive her pet care.

I don't waste my advice on that type of person. DX


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## nel3 (May 29, 2011)

that's such a sad case of fish care on your relative's part. i dont think she'll change her ways given her history of goldies and bettas. if she calls for help for the fish id just say to give up fish keeping. i have nothing against fishkeepers but those who deny such tank conditions and still think they're doing just perfectly should.nt have any.


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## BettaQi (Jul 26, 2012)

Can you report her to the local SPCA?

I would.


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## BettaQi (Jul 26, 2012)

LadyVictorian said:


> +1 million to that, she's not all there in the head.


I agree with this. Deep denial. Almost unbelievable.


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## asukabetta (Oct 2, 2012)

BettaQi said:


> Can you report her to the local SPCA?
> 
> I would.


In my country there isn't much regard to how animals are treated. Unless they are disturbing the peace, I doubt they can be reported.


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## ChoclateBetta (Jul 22, 2012)

Torturing animals is the first sign of socipath and murder.


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## Viva (Oct 18, 2012)

Lol, anyone who thinks keeping fish is easy and requires no time or care needs serious education (and a slap in the face). Yeah, its really easy creating a completely different, UNDERWATER environment in our homes that naturally exists in the wild with the crappy water we get from our tap. /sarcasm Lrn2chemistry


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## asukabetta (Oct 2, 2012)

one of her betta's died... she's getting another... she sent a picture to my friend and it looks like it's the beautiful butterfly betta I was staring at this store I usually go to... I hope not, I was very taken with that betta...


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## ao (Feb 29, 2012)

just ignore her... even if she does ask for your advice...


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

Wow is she seriously retarded?


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## SnowySurface (Apr 25, 2011)

I hate when I'm right at times like this. 

Not only should you follow Aokashi's advice and just ignore the entire situation but I think you should go a step futher and request an end to updates. You will feel bad about any new fish you know is in her care and the stress isn't worth it. Since she will not take any advice from others or responsibility for her own actions (or inactions in this case), just wash your hands of the whole ordeal. 

I hate to say this, but since Walmart can keep a fish alive for longer than 48 hours, this person shouldn't be allowed to own plants. DX


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

xD I would disown her from the family. No greater insult than saying "You are not fit to share my blood."


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## BeautifulBetta123 (Aug 27, 2012)

I told my cousin about bettas and she now keeps a betta in an over crowded .5 gal tank so many decor it is horrible she wants to put a female in the same tank so she can make lots of money off the baby bettas. I asked myself why I told her about bettas and my plan of breeding them and felt guilty too but your friend is responsible ffor her own actions it is not your falt plus if you didn't tell her she would have gone and bought some anyway. it is not your falt


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## asukabetta (Oct 2, 2012)

yeah i'll just do that-- it's very hard for me to ignore it... but i'll ask my friend not to talk about it to me no more.


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## pitcairnpete (Mar 3, 2012)

Sorry for my language, I unreservedly apologise. Whilst I will still stick to my frame of mind on the subject, I will use different linguistic mechanisms to promulgate my thoughts in the future.

PCP


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## ChoclateBetta (Jul 22, 2012)

Viva said:


> Lol, anyone who thinks keeping fish is easy and requires no time or care needs serious education (and a slap in the face). Yeah, its really easy creating a completely different, UNDERWATER environment in our homes that naturally exists in the wild with the crappy water we get from our tap. /sarcasm Lrn2chemistry


 I disagree Bettas are super easy just not as easy and cheap as everyone thinks I mean all i have to do is water changes,feed, decorate, turn light on and off, and love simple to me.


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