# Called a freak for bonding with my fish



## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

Apparently everyone who bonded with a betta are freaks.


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## blu the betta (Dec 31, 2012)

thats not even close to true. its just because they don't live on land. how come bonding with marine mammals isn't freaky? its just because they are exotic and interesting. that's like saying everyone bonds with their dog or cat are freaks.


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## Skyewillow (Dec 28, 2012)

Well, then it looks like you're in the right place! ;-)


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## Jexx (Feb 2, 2013)

I sing to my fish and they sway along with the sound. everyone thinks i am off my rocker.


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

They said they were stupid and not "cool" like dogs


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## Rosalina (Feb 3, 2013)

I'll admit it, I would prefer to have a dog or guinea pig over my betta. But he has helped me through a lot in college. 

I got him when I was very stressed and my depression was worsening. It feels good to have something to care for. I'll sit infront of my spoiled little betta's 10gal tank and just watch him when I have free time. 

My boyfriend gave me an odd look when I said I missed my betta over spring break. (I had a friend caring for him). But he didn't judge too much because he knew how much I wanted a pet but college only allow fish. 

A few people give me odd looks when I start talking about my fish like... "he's so cute! I bought him the nice frozen food and I'm teaching him tricks right now. And he loves it when I get near the tank, he dances along the glass!!"


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## Skyewillow (Dec 28, 2012)

People know better than to try to think I'm crazy. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I like my bettas.


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

It's because most people are closed minded in the "connections with animals" department. If it's not cute and furry, you can't have a relationship with it. But those people are just depriving themselves of the opportunity to experience different types of love and affection from other living things. Don't feel crazy, or weird, or beneath others because of how much you love your fish. I talk to ALL my animals, and yea it might be strange to a lot of people, but I don't care because I love them, so I'm going to express that. And plus, you have all the people here on this forum to remind you that you aren't alone.


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## Shayla Fortune (Mar 12, 2013)

I haven't quite got the whole bonding thing down, but I do enjoy watching fish... they are VERY interesting and it's fun to learn their different personalities. 

On a totally random note: LinkLover, I love your siggy. I'm lacto-ovo vegetarian and slowly going vegan.


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## LaLaLeyla (Aug 17, 2011)

Personally I don't think you can bond with a betta but now that I've said it tons of people are gonna get on me now xP


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## Skyewillow (Dec 28, 2012)

I call all of my animals my babies, including my ugly ol' froggies. I talk to them and interact with them as I feed them, and they know me from Mike, who doesn't feed them as often LOL


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## majesticstorm (Dec 8, 2012)

I'm on the same boat. When I'm enthusiastically talking about my fish telling them how my fish does this, my fish does that, some of my friends give me an odd look. I guess people around here think that it's weird to care so much for a fish, apparently? When I tell people that I keep fish, they ask me, "...to eat?"

I think my roommate thinks that I'm a fish lunatic since we've gone from 1 fish to 2 in the past 3 months, and whenever she walks into our room, the first thing she sees is me doing water changes. I talk to my fishes...when she's not around. Don't want her thinking I'm losing my marbles.


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## ZubinBetta (May 9, 2012)

*Bond, betta bond*



LaLaLeyla said:


> Personally I don't think you can bond with a betta but now that I've said it tons of people are gonna get on me now xP


Could you say a little more about what you find lacking in bettas by way of cross-species bonding? Consider the means at their (the bettas') disposal in interacting with a person: What would count as a requited bond or evidence of a requited bond? That is, what would the fish have to do to provide grounds for believing that s/he had formed a bond with his/her person--or any person? On one level, I think it is possible to feel an attachment and even some response, from living creatures of all sorts. (I will concede that the emotions of oysters are enigmatic.) On another, very personal level, your very fish behaves in your presence--as you do in his/hers--as an expression of what we usually call his/her "personality." This behavior is unique and is directed at you in the moment you encounter your betta; the lives of human and fish intersect at this point, if at all.
Isn't the problem similar/the same of trying to establish that other people are capable of emotional responses and are not automatons?


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

I am autistic and they helped me a lot


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## trilobite (May 18, 2011)

I think Bettas dont recognize us and "bond" rather they see us as a source of food and therefore swim towards us when we see us coming. Fish in my opinion dont have the capacity to bond like a mammal would. Naturally mammals bond to their mother and dogs have co evolved with us so need to bond with humans to survive. 
But I do love how they all scramble to the front of the tank to when I'm there but I dont think they think of me as anymore than a food source that drifts past their house every now and again.
I agree though that fish have therapeutic qualities and watching them just relaxes me completely


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

I really think Bazooka Joe and I have a special bond. He is very weak from me accidentally neglecting him. He musters enough strength to come to the front of the tank to say "Hi" Before falling back into the gravel.


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## Sea Dragon (Mar 20, 2012)

You=Food
Food=Good
You=Good

Thats how I like to think of things lol. Bonding is a personal experience so its pretty extreme when you say no one can "bond" with their fish, they can if they want to because its all perception and feelings and stuff. I lay for hours staring at my fish tanks and Blair usually gets excited for a few minutes before toning it down from boredom... unless we actually make eye contact, then he plows to the front of the tank and does his little dance. 

I have a more cynical view of many people and animals. I really love fish, and that's an area where many of my friends decide to poke fun of. If I'm genuinely upset over the poor treatment of a fish, they roll their eyes and scoff. Hey, I understand if fish arent your favorite animal and if you think they're boring, but I hardly appreciate having my feelings trivialized. The literal words of a girl I asked why she didn't think it mattered that much if fish arent given the right treatment is "they aren't mammals". It's a widely shared hypocrisy and it's this detachment that encourages people to treat animals like furniture rather than... well, living things with needs. Honestly, what gives people the right to judge which animals are acceptable to abuse? I understand some things are outside the individual's control, but when you go to the store and buy a fish, that animal is 100% your responsibility. I don't get why thats such a complicated idea.

I agree that bettas help with depression (although it doesn't help when kids at school patronize you for a harmless hobby) and at the moment, I sorta like them better than people ahaha.


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## kimt (Mar 5, 2013)

People would think I am really nuts. My betta has become my favorite entity in the house. He never gets on my nerves. (My husband, son, and two cats irritate me daily to some degree) He always acts like he is delighted to see me (even if it is just for food) He doesn't question my decisions, nor backtalk me. In the heirachy of my family, he might just be my number one now for these reasons.


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## dramaqueen (Jul 7, 2008)

I hope people don't start arguing over what bonding is or isn't. I would say it's being attached to something. I'm attached to my fish. I talk to them and sing to them sometimes. Lol


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## caissacrowntails (Mar 10, 2013)

*Called a freak for bonding with my fish..*hm..I think if u can bond with a toruk, then they will respect you, even Tsu'Tey will..LOL


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

Shayla Fortune: Thank you, and good for you! Let me know if I can offer any advice. 

I don't think their actual mental capacity to form whatever scientifically constitutes a "bond" really matters. People can present evidence (true though it may be) that Bettas will only see you as a food source and that is their only thought when they see their owner, but I think the thing that really defines the relationship is YOU. I know that certain animals neurologically aren't built for bonding, and that fish are one of them, but that doesn't mean we don't feel that connection to them. Does Link swim over to see me whenever I'm near his tank only in the hopes of getting food? Sure, but that doesn't mean I can't feel connected to him and treat him like he loves me back. If you think bonding with a fish is silly, that's fine. If you think your fish considers you their best friend, that's fine too. As I said, it all depends on what meaning the owner wants to give to the relationship.


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## sainthogan (Sep 27, 2012)

We must all be freaks then.


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## LaLaLeyla (Aug 17, 2011)

It is just an opinion of mine that I don't think you can bond with a fish, but I'm not degrading anyone that does so just to put that out there :0


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## LinkLover (Apr 3, 2012)

I wasn't directing that at you, or anyone else in case it came off that way.  I'm just saying that it's really up to each person to decide how they feel about it, regardless of the actual science behind it.

And to be clear so it doesn't sound like I'm contradicting myself, I don't think anybody is "wrong", but I do think it's wrong to make fun of someone for feeling a connection that you don't think is there. That's where my angry-ish "closed minded" part of my comment came from, since I think if you want to base your opinion on the scientific facts that's fine, but if you are just stuck in the "dogs are the only animal you can bond with" mindset that you're missing out.


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## bethyMT (Nov 24, 2012)

My family, just about all of it, does not understand my love for fish, or my love for cats. The relationships are different, yes, but they are all important to me. Some of my friends get it, and the others keep thier opinions to themselves.

I was reading an article the other day about how many couples really begin to dislike thier pets once they begin having children. This is really really sad...I have two little kids and a whole mess of fish and cats...the relationships I had with the pets changed a bit when I had my kids, but I missed the "dislike" part completely. It's busy in my house, for sure. I am considered a freak by my parents, my ILs, and my brothers...oh well. 

I have found, time and again, that a person who has and takes good care of pets is more trustworthy than someone who can't handle "the hassle" or "the mess" of an animal. I am leery of anyone who doesn't like pets. There are reasons why people can't have them, like allergies or housing, but people who straight up don't like pets are not always good people, IMO. My mother in law, for example. Values her picture perfect house and her outward appearance of perfection more than love or nuturing. Ick.

EDIT: We often joke that we're going to spring a fish or kitten on my MIL, because it will really piss her off. Mess up her schedule! Dirty her house!! OMG! The terror!


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## Tabbie82 (Jan 24, 2013)

I'm really bothered by the usage of the word "freak". I'm not going to get into all the nuances of how that word is damaging to a person and their self-worth. Whoever said that to you has their own personal issues that they are trying to project onto you. Regardless of anyone's opinion of whether or not you can bond with a fish, rest assured that you are not a freak. Differences are beautiful and you don't have to be like everyone else. Be you. Be happy. Stay away from narrow-minded people who want to call you a "freak" because they are broken on the inside and need to fix themselves. If anything, thank them and give 'em a big hug. You're not a "freak" at all.


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## ZubinBetta (May 9, 2012)

One of the larger points here seems to be that the less-inclusive matter of "what, if anything, does the betta feel for me in return," does not need to be definitively settled or really even addressed, for betta keeping to remain a meaningful activity that is rewarding for the people who practice it. We delight in their beauty, we watch them for hours, we lovingly tend to their needs; and in this way betta keeping becomes a significant part of our lives.
bethyMT: I agree that people who don't care for pets also often seem to lack a key component of what comprises 'empathy'--fellow-feeling for non-human animals and by extension fellow-feeling for fellow humans. It also runs strongly the other way: It is a commonplace to observe that people who end up harming other people often find the beginnings of their iniquities in harming pets and other animals. I think it is probably better to be mistaken about what is there between you and your pet than it is not to care enough about any animal to have much of an experience with them at all.


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

Who said this to you? Kids at school? They don't even matter, their words mean nothing, they simply take up space in this world. Perma-ignore.

If a member of your family said this to you, then I am sorry they are so unfeeling. They know you best and should be smarter than to say something like that to you.

((hugz))


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

As a law student, I insist on a defition of anything before I can agree or disagree to it. That's the fundamental flaw in a lot of debates - the issue is never properly defined. Yeah, yeah, I'm a nerd. 8D

Based on my definition of bond, which is a two-way connection of affection, then I don't think my fish and I bond. Their little fishy brains see me as a source of food, and possibly amusement (they always seem curious about what I'm doing), but I don't think they love me - that would be anthropomorhising them to an unrealistic degree. That's fine though - I love them. I cry when I lose a fish and get ridiculously happy when I get new fish. I am grateful for the beauty and happiness they bring to my lives. And I totally agree with Zubin - better to anthopomorphise your betta and love it lots than to do the opposite. 

I experience the same issue with my rats. Occasionally I'll whinge to somebody about a vet bill, or rave about my ratties being adorable. My friends have learned to accept that part of my personality, but people I'm not as close to don't get it, and if I say that one of my rats is sick, I've been told everything from "Just let it die" or "Get a new one", and of course, people have no idea how hurtful that is. 
I have absolutely bonded with my rats. They demonstrate happiness in my presence and affection towards me. When my darling boy Hyde was sick, he was in constant distress if he didn't have anyone with him, so I slept on the sofa with him and had him in my arms for three days straight, only taking breaks when someone else could be there to take over so that I could eat or use the loo. Even after that, if I put him down on my lap, it wasn't good enough for him - he'd stand up and tug my shirt until I held him up against my chest and gave him a proper cuddle, then boggle his silly eyeballs out. Even 4 months after his death, I miss him like crazy. 

People have no idea how hurtful it is to simply act as if your pet is disposable, no matter whether it is a fish or a rat. In part, I think it's due to the seriously warped state of humanity, where animals are just disposable to so many people, and those of us who think otherwise are treated as nuts.


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## Cyndih70 (Apr 13, 2012)

trilobite said:


> I think Bettas dont recognize us and "bond" rather they see us as a source of food and therefore swim towards us when we see us coming. Fish in my opinion dont have the capacity to bond like a mammal would. Naturally mammals bond to their mother and dogs have co evolved with us so need to bond with humans to survive.
> But I do love how they all scramble to the front of the tank to when I'm there but I dont think they think of me as anymore than a food source that drifts past their house every now and again.
> I agree though that fish have therapeutic qualities and watching them just relaxes me completely



Here is my personal experience: My Sushi would swim over to the side of the tank, in which I was sitting. I would put my face right up against the glass and give him little kisses and talk to him. He'd swim and flare and dance around, then after a couple minutes he would swim back over to his log and go back to relaxing. There are multitudes of times, I would do this and not feed him. Therefore, it's my belief we were bonded to one another. He would come to just say hello, as quickly as he would come to me when I was feeding him.


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## logisticsguy (Sep 7, 2012)

Its not normal to talk to my fish?  My kids have grown up and I need something that really needs me. My fish need me so Im the parent to them. Its all good. I like to grow things as I grew up on a farm..so Im a landless farmer. You dont need land to grow betta fish, so i am now a fish farmer. My family doesnt get it...and i dont care if they do or not anymore.


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## Caii (Jan 17, 2013)

It's aright- even my family calls me "the wild child" because I have a large affinity for animals. I've brought home dogs, cats, mice, an opposum (yes, an oppossum- and yes, we kept her until she passed away) and various birds I've found. I suppose it was only natural that I bring home a fish too haha ^^

I would take the term "freak" in stride, though. People who say stuff like that usually don't understand and don't wish to- their loss! 

My philosophy is: if it can steal your heart, you can have a bond!


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## Caii (Jan 17, 2013)

logisticsguy said:


> Its not normal to talk to my fish?  My kids have grown up and I need something that really needs me. My fish need me so Im the parent to them. Its all good. I like to grow things as I grew up on a farm..so Im a landless farmer. You dont need land to grow betta fish, so i am now a fish farmer. My family doesnt get it...and i dont care if they do or not anymore.


Rock on! 

I grew up on a horse farm and I miss it greatly~


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## dramaqueen (Jul 7, 2008)

Caii said:


> It's aright- even my family calls me "the wild child" because I have a large affinity for animals. I've brought home dogs, cats, mice, an opposum (yes, an oppossum- and yes, we kept her until she passed away) and various birds I've found. I suppose it was only natural that I bring home a fish too haha ^^
> 
> I would take the term "freak" in stride, though. People who say stuff like that usually don't understand and don't wish to- their loss!
> 
> My philosophy is: if it can steal your heart, you can have a bond!


I think you bringing home animals shows that you have compassion for living things around you. That's not freaky at all.


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

Caii said:


> if it can steal your heart, you can have a bond!


That would make a great sig quote!


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## xShainax (Feb 11, 2012)

My sister is the one who said it to me


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## caissacrowntails (Mar 10, 2013)

logisticsguy said:


> Its not normal to talk to my fish?  My kids have grown up and I need something that really needs me. My fish need me so Im the parent to them. Its all good. I like to grow things as I grew up on a farm..so Im a landless farmer. You dont need land to grow betta fish, so i am now a fish farmer. My family doesnt get it...and i dont care if they do or not anymore.


LOL, sshh LG, I also talk to my fishes, but don't tell anyone else. well not like to each one of them, but more like.."here's your food guys, come and get them" when I feed them, or.."I'm off to work now, be good and don't jump out of your tanks"..


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## GhostFeather (Jun 23, 2011)

My Mother-in-law stopped in one time,her and my wife were in the kitchen,I was in the basement doing tank chores.
She asked my wife"who is he talking to"?
My wife said"his Bettas,he does it all the time"!
Guess I am a freak also!!


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## GhostFeather (Jun 23, 2011)

Do they consider us a food source? Probably.
On the other hand I have seem some of my Males swim to the front of the tank and flare at a stranger,and if it is just me,yeah they want food.
I don't know if they have the capacity to recognize faces,people,voices,but sometimes it seems like they do.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

I swear there was a study done that showed goldfish can recognise and remember around eight or so individual faces. I know I found it somewhere one time. 

My fish are usually extremely shy around anyone but me. Usually unless I make them come out, if a stranger walked into my room they would see nothing but empty tanks. This is because I am the one that feeds them and the one that they are most habituated to. 

I think most animals only really bond to people because we are the ones that feed and provide for them. Look how easily forgotten old owners are when people sell or give away their cats/dogs. I think sometimes people want to believe animals are a lot more loyal and devoted than they actually are. 

I love my fish and I enjoy spending time with them. The other night I was playing with some of my juveniles by putting my hand in their tank and letting them swim through it. If that makes me uncool well then I don't really give a stuff. 

I've come to realise most people are weird in some way, and those that are the most judgmental tend to be the craziest.


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## Starfish1 (Dec 9, 2012)

I think bettas can definitely bond with people, they love you because you feed them and talk to them, and they know you love them because of all the food you give them. They don't bond in the same way a dog or cat would, you can't take them for a walk or a car ride, but they bond with you in the way a fish can. 

All my bettas come up and do the little dance as soon as I walk into the room, looking for attention. And food. I had one older betta that would sit in my hand and just relax, it was so cute. 

Cyndi, I also have a Sushi


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## AkaRyu (Feb 23, 2013)

My boyfriend always gives me weird looks when I'm talking to my betta, Phil. He just doesn't understand :roll: And besides, my landlord wont let anyone in the apartment complex have anything but fish, not even a hamster.


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## Polkadot (Feb 10, 2013)

I definitely believe you can bond with your Bettas,my little boys all swim to the front when they see us and all look happy & excited.I know they love their food,but I really believe they just like to say hello and see what's going on as well,plus I swear they know their names when I call them.They love to watch us just as much as we love watching them.They all have their own great little personalities.If you love your pets you will definitely bond with each other.


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

xShainax said:


> My sister is the one who said it to me


*snort* As if she wasn't a freak about something. What does she love? One Direction? :roll: 
I'll bet she wants to "bond" with them! :rofl:


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## Tabbie82 (Jan 24, 2013)

I just LOL'd at that ^^ :lol:


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