# Does anyone elses family members do this? >:(



## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

This makes me SO mad. My family seems to think I'm crazy because I change my fishes water once a week with 2.5-3g tanks. 

" Those tanks are HUGE! How do you change them that often? "

I've had the ammonia talk with my mom 2000000000000000 times but she NEVER listens. 

THE THING THAT DRIVES ME NUTS THE MOST: " Grandma Marge had a fish in a 1/2 gallon vase and changed the water once a month! That fish lived 2 years! "

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FISH WAS UNHAPPY WASN'T IT???????!????????!?!?!? I THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for spam. 

People think I'm crazy because I give my bettas nicer homes than tiny bowls. Ughhhh.. I hope to hear other people do this too to calm me down.. RAGE!

/end rant.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

I guess not..? D:<


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## Arashi Takamine (Mar 3, 2011)

Nope your not alone. My dad treated me like dirt when my first betta's died and then kept telling me that Akira was "nothing" and shouldn't be 'a pet' to me that he was only a decoration...He was even willing to poison my pet to preserve a plant...Thank god it didn't happen but no one gets it besides my mom and finally Dad's getting his head outta his arse.


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## lexylex0526 (Dec 27, 2011)

No your not alone! my fam thinks Im nuts!! but i dont care haha


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## Luimeril (Dec 29, 2010)

Ma's of the older mindset. no need to change water, just refill it once and a while, especially when there's a filter.

but, she fusses at me when she sees poo in her betta's tank. xD so... she understands somewhat..


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

My family think I am too in to fish, but don't really comment on my schedule. Trying to convince my sister than her 10-inch comet goldfish in his far-too-small 23 gallon tank should be having two 50% water changes a week just doesn't work, though. "He's fine! He's lived through worse!" I just can't convince them about ammonia. Le sigh.

Luckily, we will have a pond set up within a month, and then he will enter it, and it will be my domain.


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## ravenwinds (Feb 5, 2012)

Definitely not alone. My mom thinks I'm nuts, too! She says that it's not healthy for the fish to have water changed all the time..."we never did that when we had fish tanks before and our fish lived for years!" Then she blamed the cloudy water(early in cycling) on the frequent water changes and the kind of filter on the tank. I tried to explain about cycling, ammonia, and beneficial bacteria, but she wouldn't change her mind and kept telling me that I needed to get an underground filter. Finally she stopped her comments when water became clear. 
Sometimes family can be a real pain!


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## RedFynn21 (Jan 5, 2012)

...Okay, I'm glad I stumbled on this thread. So, it's not just me, either. Phew. Sigh of relief. I live with my granparents, and they don't exactly get it either. I love them to death, but it gets frustrating...hearing them say, "Why do you do that? Why do you want more than one fish? Why do want such a big tank? Why do they need a heater? What's wrong with a bowl?"  
They think I'm going overboard...and don't see why I even think my 2.5 gallon tank seems a bit cramped for space. (Desparately trying to get a 10 gal.--if only I had the room). I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my betta love. :-D


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## turtlephobic (Jul 30, 2011)

My parents understand that Bettas need to be kept with a heater and more than a bowl and all that, but they will never get why I must change the water so much. :c
I can understand, though. They are the ones paying the water bill... >>


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## fryup (Jan 12, 2010)

My family dnt like me having a fish tank, iv told my mom if she makes me get rid of the tank then im moving out lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## a123andpoof (Apr 10, 2010)

when I first got my fish she couldn't believe how much I spent on his setup. She questioned the water changes to, but I am the animal person in the family so I think she figured I sorta new what I was doing. She also used to think i had to many fish. I still think she does, but I pay for them and if I have the room I get the fish. I'm 18 I have more privilages haha I don't think dad knows how many I have though...and plan on adding six more once I get the sorority up and running in my sisters room probably say I have to many pets lol


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## betta lover1507 (Aug 6, 2011)

i know how you feel
my parents are telling me NOT to make a sorority and put them in these 1 gallon tanks where they told me to put my males in (i have 4 tanks, they didn't tell me to put females in the same tank as males) it is either a sorority or breeding :-(


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

(I am not pointing fingers to anyone in particular in this post, this is meant as a general message from a parents point of view on the subject and is not meant to cast judgement on anyone. It is written to try to show a different perspective relative to the OP.)

It's very hard as a parent to read this thread especially since I was not even allowed to have a fish growing up. 

Living with your parents suck, that's just how life is. In time you will see that being an adult is MUCH harder. Your mothers/fathers "nagging" may be an issue for you now but I promise it's NOTHING compared to what you will experience when you move out of your parents or grandparents house.

Personally, I give my daughter a hard time just to push her nerves. Why you may ask? Because it prepares her for the real world and teaches her to learn to control her temper, especially under stress. And what is more stressful than your mom nagging at you? My mother did it to me and so did my father. It teaches you how to ignore things that annoy you and not become emotional. 

Being a parent is harder than you can ever know and if your parents are nice enough to let you have a fish in the first place try to be appreciative of their generosity, instead of complaining that they are giving you their opinion on fish keeping. Next time, try saying "thanks for the information mom but I like to spoil my fish by keeping his water as clean as possible." 

Trying to get into who's right and who's wrong argument with your parents is a losing battle. They are your parents which makes them always right, even when they are wrong. Understand? Very few parents will admit fault, and even when they do it's not in the heat of the argument. They can't because they have to maintain authority over you. Why? Because that's a parents job, to teach you how to be able to live in this world safely and productively. 

I was not allowed to have a fish because my dad said that I needed to save my money for a car and and bills and ect.. So be thankful you didn't have my father growing up, he also had a zero toleration for any attitude or back mouthing and that included my educated opinion.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

fryup said:


> My family dnt like me having a fish tank, iv told my mom if she makes me get rid of the tank then im moving out lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So she let you keep the fish instead???:shock: I would have let you sleep outside for the night. No offense.


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## Tikibirds (May 26, 2011)

I get into arguments with my sister all the time over this. she has 2 goldfish - i dont know what kind but they have big bellies and ling flowing tails in a 10 gallon tank and only changes the water when it gets dirty. She says they have lived for 2 years like this. makes me want to smash my head into a wall:evil:


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## BETTACHKALOVE (Nov 22, 2010)

I have 8 bettas. Each in 2.5 gall. Those tanks take so much space. My boyfriend was aggregated at the beginning. Now he used to it. He knows how much i love them. 
I do change them every 5-6 days. I do 100% water changes. Or you can do 1-50% and 1-100% a week. If you want your betta live longer than 2 years then you do right thing.
Betta can live up to 7-9 years. Well it probably if human will live up to 100 years. But really betta can easy live up to 5-6 years with right care. One of my betta will be 5 years old. All I do just change water regularly. So you are really do right care And if your grandparents want you to be happy then they will let you do it. It also will teach you responsibility. And if you will not do right things then you are not responsible. May be if you will explain it to them then it will help them to understand you  We have to have pets and at least fish easier and less money than other pets.
If someone change the water once a month then betta will get die more then it life expectancy and usually they get sick and suffer before it die.


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## a123andpoof (Apr 10, 2010)

Bettas Rule said:


> (I am not pointing fingers to anyone in particular in this post, this is meant as a general message from a parents point of view on the subject and is not meant to cast judgement on anyone. It is written to try to show a different perspective relative to the OP.)
> 
> It's very hard as a parent to read this thread especially since I was not even allowed to have a fish growing up.
> 
> ...


You do make a very good point. Yes parents can be a pain but they are looking out for our best interests. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I am lucky to have pretty lenient parents who allow me to have tons of pets. And really we should all be grateful that we are allowed to have the fish or pets we do cause there are many kids who don't even get to own fish or any types of pets.
Thank you for pointing this out Bettas Rule


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

I agree Bettas Rule.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

a123andpoof said:


> You do make a very good point. Yes parents can be a pain but they are looking out for our best interests. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I am lucky to have pretty lenient parents who allow me to have tons of pets. And really we should all be grateful that we are allowed to have the fish or pets we do cause there are many kids who don't even get to own fish or any types of pets.
> Thank you for pointing this out Bettas Rule





Jrf456 said:


> I agree Bettas Rule.


Your welcome, it's normal to be angry with our parents and it's easy to forget that they are acting out of love. I still get into spats with my parents so in reality we never grow out of being children in our parents eyes.


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## Littlebittyfish (Jan 5, 2011)

I hope when I have kids one day they will love fishkeeping as much as i do.....I think fishkeeping is a great way to teach responsibility and patience..and hey, maybe if I nag enough I can even get them to carry the buckets of water outside when my back is sore.....:lol:


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## SnowySurface (Apr 25, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> Being a parent is harder than you can ever know and if your parents are nice enough to let you have a fish in the first place try to be appreciative of their generosity, instead of complaining that they are giving you their opinion on fish keeping. Next time, try saying "thanks for the information mom but I like to spoil my fish by keeping his water as clean as possible."
> 
> Trying to get into who's right and who's wrong argument with your parents is a losing battle. They are your parents which makes them always right, even when they are wrong. Understand? Very few parents will admit fault, and even when they do it's not in the heat of the argument. They can't because they have to maintain authority over you. Why? Because that's a parents job, to teach you how to be able to live in this world safely and productively.


 
No one is complaining about having to live under a parent's rules. Everyone is complaining about having to live under rules that endanger the life their fish. Parents shouldn't be arguing with a child who wants to change a tank's water often enough to keep ammonia at 0ppm. Parents shouldn't scold a child who wants to have a betta in a 2.5 gallon tank simply because 1 gallon tanks don't kill the fish immediately. Parents shouldn't tell a child that a heater is a waste of money for a tropical fish that needs tropical water to survive. Parents shouldn't teach kids to use living animals as decoration.

This rant thread started because of parents who refuse to learn something new from their kids. Instead, they demand their kids make the same fish care mistakes they made as children instead of learning the proper way to raise fish from their children. Knowledge travels both ways.


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## thekoimaiden (Oct 19, 2011)

I'm sorry all of you have to suffer through unyeilding parents. When people ignore clear scientific evidence it boils my blood. My father does that rather often (among other things). Hence the reason I no longer speak to him. My mother is very understanding and sees the great value taking care of fish has. She even has her own fish tank in her classroom to teach her students the lessons it taught me. 

I will never understand why some of your parents nitpick the way you keep your animals. You've done the research; they haven't. But I do understand why they forbid you to have more. I am privy to family finances (college grad who is working from home) and watch my spending on my fish. It is an expensive hobby. I have literally put thousands of dollars into my fish (I also have koi, goldfish and a community tank). 

So next time your parents want to give you advice on taking care of your fish just kindly say: "I'd rather get my fish tips from people with more experience." And when they tell you that you can't have any more just understand that they aren't trying to deny you enjoyment; it's a financial thing because fish are expensive.

ETA: +1 to SnowySurface. Knowledge isn't a one-way street. I teach my mother things, and she has imparted her knowledge on me, too. I am very grateful for that.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

SnowySurface said:


> No one is complaining about having to live under a parent's rules. Everyone is complaining about having to live under rules that endanger the life their fish. Parents shouldn't be arguing with a child who wants to change a tank's water often enough to keep ammonia at 0ppm. Parents shouldn't scold a child who wants to have a betta in a 2.5 gallon tank simply because 1 gallon tanks don't kill the fish immediately. Parents shouldn't tell a child that a heater is a waste of money for a tropical fish that needs tropical water to survive. Parents shouldn't teach kids to use living animals as decoration.
> 
> This rant thread started because of parents who refuse to learn something new from their kids. Instead, they demand their kids make the same fish care mistakes they made as children instead of learning the proper way to raise fish from their children. Knowledge travels both ways.


com·plain (km-pln)
intr.v. com·plained, com·plain·ing, com·plains
1. To express feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.
2. To make a formal accusation or bring a formal charge.

I disagree. I saw complaining. Not sure what the definition of complaining is to you, but many of the posts fit the description of complaining to me. Also none of the kids said they were disciplined for changing the water, only that the parents/grandparents were voicing disagreement with it. They also didn't say their parents had rules against them providing the proper care. Only that they were angry that their parents gave them advice that they didn't want. I see nothing wrong with a parent providing what they believe to be accurate information. Regardless of whether it accurate or not a parent has ALL the rights in the world to teach a kid whatever they want to. That's our right as parents.

A kid has the right to respectfully provide accurate and factual information to educate their parents, but arguing alone should be avoided.


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## ravenwinds (Feb 5, 2012)

This is just a clarification: I am a married 36yo woman. With a soon to be 5yo and a 2yo. Being a parent is hard and you are correct with your argument...but, I am new to this site so I might have read original rant a bit differently...or you could be reading it from "ungrateful child" point of view. I took the rant to be about anyone around you who vehemently tries to claim that you're not properly taking care of your fish, wasting time and resources doing something that isn't necessary, etc...
Just saying sometimes we all need to step back and make sure we see all the facets of the argument/topic/question.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

ravenwinds said:


> This is just a clarification: I am a married 36yo woman. With a soon to be 5yo and a 2yo. Being a parent is hard and you are correct with your argument...but, I am new to this site so I might have read original rant a bit differently...or you could be reading it from "ungrateful child" point of view. I took the rant to be about anyone around you who vehemently tries to claim that you're not properly taking care of your fish, wasting time and resources doing something that isn't necessary, etc...
> Just saying sometimes we all need to step back and make sure we see all the facets of the argument/topic/question.


Yes, I did take it as complaints toward the parents . This Is due to each post referring to guardian figures providing unwanted and incorrect information to the posters. 

My mother used to give me dating advice that was old and out dated . It still didn't give me the right to tell her I don't want her advice. That's her job as my parent! To provide the best knowledge that she has to offer. I thank god that I have a mother that cares enough to give advice in the first place! Some kids have drug addicts for parents or just parents who just don't care.


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

That's a bit different though. I'm 20, nearly 21, so I'm no longer a child and I can see the world from my parents' point of view. I respect my mum's experience in the field of romance, whether it's outdated or not, but she has no experience in fish keeping, nor do any of my other family members, which is why it upsets me that they ignore my advice and endanger a fish's life. I'm very grateful for their advice in all other parts of my life, but they simply don't know enough about fish to be offering advice. It would be like me telling my dad he's servicing his motorbike wrong, or giving my mum dressmaking advice, or trying to correct my sister's piano playing. I don't have any knowledge in those areas, so I don't try and give advice. When I help my dad look after my motorbike, try my own textiles projects and play on my sister's paino, I do listen to the advice they give, because they are the experts.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

Bombalurina said:


> That's a bit different though. I'm 20, nearly 21, so I'm no longer a child and I can see the world from my parents' point of view. I respect my mum's experience in the field of romance, whether it's outdated or not, but she has no experience in fish keeping, nor do any of my other family members, which is why it upsets me that they ignore my advice and endanger a fish's life. I'm very grateful for their advice in all other parts of my life, but they simply don't know enough about fish to be offering advice. It would be like me telling my dad he's servicing his motorbike wrong, or giving my mum dressmaking advice, or trying to correct my sister's piano playing. I don't have any knowledge in those areas, so I don't try and give advice. When I help my dad look after my motorbike, try my own textiles projects and play on my sister's paino, I do listen to the advice they give, because they are the experts.


This is PERFECT. I agree with every word here. I say the same thing to my mom, but she doesn't listen. 

" Mom, you know everything about making jewelry and Gone With The Wind. Dad knows everything about building and the Miami Dolphins. Why is it so hard to believe that I know more about one topic than you do? "

The good part is that they don't stop me, they just tell me what they think. - shrugs -


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

Jrf456 said:


> This is PERFECT. I agree with every word here. I say the same thing to my mom, but she doesn't listen.
> 
> " Mom, you know everything about making jewelry and Gone With The Wind. Dad knows everything about building and the Miami Dolphins. Why is it so hard to believe that I know more about one topic than you do? "
> 
> The good part is that they don't stop me, they just tell me what they think. - shrugs -


Try to imagine yourself as a parent...Parents don't want to be outsmarted by someone younger than them. I am sure it's mostly a pride thing. My mother is VERY understanding and sweet and kind and even she has a hard time with it. I am not saying it's right, it's just the way it is. That's one of the reason's living with your parents sucks. lol


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

Bombalurina said:


> That's a bit different though. I'm 20, nearly 21, so I'm no longer a child and I can see the world from my parents' point of view. I respect my mum's experience in the field of romance, whether it's outdated or not, but she has no experience in fish keeping, nor do any of my other family members, which is why it upsets me that they ignore my advice and endanger a fish's life. I'm very grateful for their advice in all other parts of my life, but they simply don't know enough about fish to be offering advice. It would be like me telling my dad he's servicing his motorbike wrong, or giving my mum dressmaking advice, or trying to correct my sister's piano playing. I don't have any knowledge in those areas, so I don't try and give advice. When I help my dad look after my motorbike, try my own textiles projects and play on my sister's paino, I do listen to the advice they give, because they are the experts.


Come back and read this post in 5 years and see if you still feel the same way.


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## AngesRadieux (Oct 6, 2011)

Sorry if this is off topic, but I was reading through the thread and I saw the "parents are always right" argument, and that just drives me out of my mind. I apologize if I offend any parents on the forums, but parents are _not_ always right. This has nothing to do with fish, but when I'm upset at school I call my parents ONLY as a last resort because I know they'll make it worse. I'm uncomfortable talking about school with them because they so clearly care more about my sister's education than my own. They make me feel inferior on a regular basis. And it's because they try to make judgments about my major and department without bothering to try actually understanding the program. It's gotten to the point where I've scheduled time to talk to professors about it and I've had a couple people suggest I go to counseling. I'm sorry. I don't care if they're my parents and they do it with good intentions. In this case they're wrong.

Sorry for being off topic, but I just couldn't ignore the "parents are always right" comment. Things like that just make my blood boil.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

AngesRadieux said:


> Sorry if this is off topic, but I was reading through the thread and I saw the "parents are always right" argument, and that just drives me out of my mind. I apologize if I offend any parents on the forums, but parents are _not_ always right. This has nothing to do with fish, but when I'm upset at school I call my parents ONLY as a last resort because I know they'll make it worse. I'm uncomfortable talking about school with them because they so clearly care more about my sister's education than my own. They make me feel inferior on a regular basis. And it's because they try to make judgments about my major and department without bothering to try actually understanding the program. It's gotten to the point where I've scheduled time to talk to professors about it and I've had a couple people suggest I go to counseling. I'm sorry. I don't care if they're my parents and they do it with good intentions. In this case they're wrong.
> 
> Sorry for being off topic, but I just couldn't ignore the "parents are always right" comment. Things like that just make my blood boil.


I used to to swear that my mother didn't love me and only loved my brother. I even had all of my peers convinced. I believed it to my very core...now I know it's not true though, and I see everything that happened in a different light. The light that only years of growth and maturity, and being a parent can provide. I truly hope in time you are able to forgive your parents as I came to forgive mine. You will see things so differently in time and I know that nothing I can say can prove that to you. I never believed my mother when she told me the very same thing. Now I am just amazed at the difference and I look forward to getting older and gaining more insights into life and living.....

The parents are always right comment is not meant to be taken literally.


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

I have this problem. My dad rants to everyone, including our friend with a 120 gallon discus aquarium, that I change the tiny tanks so often. "Look at all his fish, he barely changes any water!" -___- well duh, it's a huge fully cycled stable tank.
He thinks the fish are spoiled with heaters, but he always complains that I waste SO much water changing and rinsing everything every week.

My solution was now I only change water when my parents are out of the house. xD


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

Olympia said:


> I have this problem. My dad rants to everyone, including our friend with a 120 gallon discus aquarium, that I change the tiny tanks so often. "Look at all his fish, he barely changes any water!" -___- well duh, it's a huge fully cycled stable tank.
> He thinks the fish are spoiled with heaters, but he always complains that I waste SO much water changing and rinsing everything every week.
> 
> My solution was now I only change water when my parents are out of the house. xD


Me too! I usually do my water changes (I'm on the one fish a day schedule) before my parents get home from work. xD


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> Come back and read this post in 5 years and see if you still feel the same way.


Are you saying it doesn't bother you when people who know nothing about a topic are convinced that you are wrong, even though you've done months of research and they've done none? It isn't because they are my parents. I feel the same when people in petshops look at me agog because I give my betta a heater. I see an animal suffering and want to help it, but the owners don't do what is needed to improve its condition. That makes me upset regardless of who it is. 
Things like that will never stop bothering me.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Just because you're a parent doesn't mean your children should automatically respect you. No one asks to be put onto this Earth, and it rubs me the wrong way when parents act as though they are some kind of ultimate unquestionable entity. 

Anyways, my mum didn't understand about my bettas at first and why they needed so many water changes. But now that she's had a thorough two years education, she lets me do as many water changes as I need to. Plus it lets us get around water restrictions since I chuck most of my old tank water onto the garden.

My dad is the complete opposite. He has always provided the absolute basic care for his animals, and he continually goes on and on about every single aspect of my fish keeping. Since he doesn't live with us and it has no impact on his life or finances I just tell him to butt out.


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## thekoimaiden (Oct 19, 2011)

Bombalurina said:


> That's a bit different though. I'm 20, nearly 21, so I'm no longer a child and I can see the world from my parents' point of view. I respect my mum's experience in the field of romance, whether it's outdated or not, but she has no experience in fish keeping, nor do any of my other family members, which is why it upsets me that they ignore my advice and endanger a fish's life. I'm very grateful for their advice in all other parts of my life, but they simply don't know enough about fish to be offering advice. It would be like me telling my dad he's servicing his motorbike wrong, or giving my mum dressmaking advice, or trying to correct my sister's piano playing. I don't have any knowledge in those areas, so I don't try and give advice. When I help my dad look after my motorbike, try my own textiles projects and play on my sister's paino, I do listen to the advice they give, because they are the experts.


+100 This is exactly the way the exchange of information in a family should go. The information highway is a 2-way street. I honestly feel sorry for a parent who can't be bothered enough to lose the ego enough to learn something from their child and his/her passions. 

I think what most people here are griping about is that people who know nothing about fishkeeping are trying to force their opinions and methods on those who have researched and care for the animals they keep. I don't think this is a "I hate my parents" thread. It's an "I hate ignorant people" thread. Would we still be having this debate if instead of parents telling Jrk456 he's a fool for keeping his fish the way he chooses, it was his principle or school teacher?


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

Bombalurina said:


> Are you saying it doesn't bother you when people who know nothing about a topic are convinced that you are wrong, even though you've done months of research and they've done none? It isn't because they are my parents. I feel the same when people in petshops look at me agog because I give my betta a heater. I see an animal suffering and want to help it, but the owners don't do what is needed to improve its condition. That makes me upset regardless of who it is.
> Things like that will never stop bothering me.



You will never be able to make everyone treat betta's well. Nor will you ever be able to get everyone to believe that you are right and they are wrong. It doesn't matter how much research you do on the subject. People are gonna believe and do what what they want, and getting angry about that will only hurt you in the long rung. For years I tried to educate people on pit bulls ad the truth about bite statistics ect... I would argue for hours even weeks with people in person and online and I would get so angry that they refused to believe me. Notice how I said refused? You see that's the kicker. You can be right all day long and have ALL of the facts to back you up and people still have the right to ignore the truth and CHOOSE to live in lies, and make no mistake about it, people do it all the time. Heck it happens on this website all the time. So you can get upset about things you can't change and let it bother you and stress you out, OR you can ignore them and focus on the people who will listen to you. The truth is, you just can't fix stupid and trying to will only stress you out and waste your time.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

LittleBettaFish said:


> Just because you're a parent doesn't mean your children should automatically respect you. No one asks to be put onto this Earth, and it rubs me the wrong way when parents act as though they are some kind of ultimate unquestionable entity.
> 
> Anyways, my mum didn't understand about my bettas at first and why they needed so many water changes. But now that she's had a thorough two years education, she lets me do as many water changes as I need to. Plus it lets us get around water restrictions since I chuck most of my old tank water onto the garden.
> 
> My dad is the complete opposite. He has always provided the absolute basic care for his animals, and he continually goes on and on about every single aspect of my fish keeping. Since he doesn't live with us and it has no impact on his life or finances I just tell him to butt out.


Seems like you have been through a tough time and have some anger and resentment going on. It's natural to harbor anger when parents split. I hope in time you see the value in having respect for your parents as well as all authority figures. Parents make mistakes and they are not perfect, I had to forgive my mother for that one recently. Try visiting an orphanage and talking to those kids about their parents and see if you don't change your mind about yours.

I chose for my daughter to be here and her life is my responsibility to protect. I cannot protect her if she doesn't respect me because if she doesn't respect me she won't listen to what I have to say.Do you take advice from people you don't respect? I know I don't. I am the parent and I am the one with the experience and knowledge to teach her how to survive. Regardless of the fact that when she gets to be a teen she will think she knows everything. That's just a symptom of being young. All teens and young adults do it. Personally I think it's a natural thing than happens to give youth the false confidence the need to venture out of the home and live on their own. 

Like a baby bird taking it's first flight for example. That baby bird has to be crazy thinking that he can fly the first time he jumps from the tree to take flight and yet every single baby bird makes that leap. Do they all fly? No, in fact most don't, they hop about the tree flapping around like a hot mess and some even hit the ground before finally getting the hang of it. I guarantee you they didn't jump thinking they were gonna hit the ground though.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

thekoimaiden said:


> I think what most people here are griping about is that people who know nothing about fishkeeping are trying to force their opinions and methods on those who have researched and care for the animals they keep. I don't think this is a "I hate my parents" thread. It's an "I hate ignorant people" thread. Would we still be having this debate if instead of parents telling Jrk456 he's a fool for keeping his fish the way he chooses, it was his principle or school teacher?


The thread title is "Does anyone else's family members do this?"
If that isn't enough every single post is about a family member.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Um actually me and my mum are best friends and intend on purchasing some land together once we can afford it. I'm never moving 'out' as we'd miss each other's crazy animal stories too much. My dad and I are really close and he comes over a lot (was over just last night actually) to walk the dogs with me and mum (parents are divorced) and have dinner.

I respect both of my parents, but that doesn't mean I hang on every word they say as the gospel. My mum made a very bad decision in the past that impacted on me and could have really soured our relationship if I hadn't of loved her and understood why she behaved the way she did. 

My dad spent so much time being hurt and bitter about the divorce he missed a lot of milestones in mine and my brothers' lives. But I can see how it must of been from his perspective and I don't love him any less. In fact we are much closer than most other daughters and fathers I see, and I can come to him and discuss anything in an adult and rational manner.

I was talking to my mum about this thread last night and she agreed. Just because you're a parent doesn't mean there are times you won't be wrong (and no not 'wrong but right') and times you may make mistakes or lose face. 

I don't know why you took offence at parents being singled out. It's natural for kids to gripe at their parents. I'd be worried if my kids didn't on occasion. Conflict is natural in any healthy relationship, it's just how the individuals involved deal with it that makes the difference.

I know this is off-topic but I just wanted to clear up the fact that I am not some resentful sourpuss who chafes under the dictatorship that is my parents' rule.


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## thekoimaiden (Oct 19, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> The thread title is "Does anyone else's family members do this?"
> If that isn't enough every single post is about a family member.


My question still stands. Would you be as involved if it was just a teacher or a friend telling the OP about his fishkeeping habits? 

This debate is about a family member that _doesn't take care of pets properly or tries to force bad fishkeeping practices on others_. That doesn't make it a parents v kids thing. If you look beyond that you will see that it is a "those with knowledge" v "those without knowledge" debate.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

LittleBettaFish said:


> Um actually me and my mum are best friends and intend on purchasing some land together once we can afford it. I'm never moving 'out' as we'd miss each other's crazy animal stories too much. My dad and I are really close and he comes over a lot (was over just last night actually) to walk the dogs with me and mum (parents are divorced) and have dinner.
> 
> I respect both of my parents, but that doesn't mean I hang on every word they say as the gospel. My mum made a very bad decision in the past that impacted on me and could have really soured our relationship if I hadn't of loved her and understood why she behaved the way she did.
> 
> ...


Telling your father to butt out is not respectful in my opinion.
I also stated that conflict between parents and children is natural.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

thekoimaiden said:


> My question still stands. Would you be as involved if it was just a teacher or a friend telling the OP about his fishkeeping habits?
> 
> This debate is about a family member that _doesn't take care of pets properly or tries to force bad fishkeeping practices on others_. That doesn't make it a parents v kids thing. If you look beyond that you will see that it is a "those with knowledge" v "those without knowledge" debate.


None of the posters said they were "forced " into bad fish keeping practices. They only said they were verbally hassled. 

And to answer your question no, I would not be in this thread if it was not complaining about parents or guardians. 

My actions speak for themselves as there are lots of threads about people giving bad advice and I have yet to jump into any of them. 


In my house you don't debate with your parents. You do as you are told. This is Texas though, a place where people still say yes mam and yes sir. Things are different here and respecting your parents is #1 second only to respecting your elders. Debating with your parents around here is disrespectful in itself regardless if you are right.

There are many respectful ways to educate your parents and they don't involve arguing with them.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Oh I say much worse :devil: Just have to keep it PG-rated for the forum haha.


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> In my house you don't debate with your parents. You do as you are told. This is Texas though, a place where people still say yes mam and yes sir. Things are different here and respecting your parents is #1 second only to respecting your elders. Debating with your parents around here is disrespectful in itself regardless if you are right.


If this was true my fish would be living in unheated little bowls because I'd be doing what my parents said -____-


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## Shirleythebetta (Jan 9, 2012)

Not just Texas, Ohio is like that too, respect your parents is a major thing in most places it depends on the parent and the kid though (how they were raised). I was raised in a household that had fish (my dad is still a fish keeper, betta's too)My dad doesn't say anything to me most of the time, I live on my own with my fiance (we are 25 and 29) but I have well water so I get ten gallons a week at his house for my water changes. When he does say something I just smile at him and listen out of respect. Then I do my own thing. Nothing I say will make him understand my water changes since he has never kept anything under a ten gallon. When my fish got ich he told me to treat it for one day with my meds and it would go away. A parent can be stubborn with their beliefs just like we on here are. Knowledge is a two way street and sadly, most of us don't like to learn from each other. I am assuming most of these kids don't mouth. they are just looking at this thread as a way to vent. Venting is healthy for anyone, my mother still calls me to vent about my brother and sister as I am sure she calls them about me. We all need someone to complain to or we may explode!


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## Olympia (Aug 25, 2011)

Better to vent here than to explode on your parents.. haha.


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## SnowySurface (Apr 25, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> com·plain (km-pln)
> intr.v. com·plained, com·plain·ing, com·plains
> 1. To express feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.
> 2. To make a formal accusation or bring a formal charge.
> ...


This is what I'm saying as simply as possible. By all means you can continue to disagree with me since this is nothing more than my personal opinion. I want to clarify why I do not think the OP is complaining or starting arguements with his/her parents. 

I do not believe a parent has a right to teach children wrong things because they are the parent. I also don't think a parent has the right to force a child to do the wrong thing based on authority. I think a parent has a responsibility to teach their children accurate information, help them do the right thing, and admit when they are wrong and their children are right. It does not happen often but there are times when children know more about a topic than their parents and can teach their parents something new. 

If you don't believe me, here's an example. You are having trouble with your smart phone. Are you going to ask me for help or my 77 year old Grandmother? Exactly. I'm not going to act like I have more life experience than my elders but I do know some things I can teach the older generation. Unfortunately, a lot of parents won't admit that there is a difference between wisdom and knowledge. I may not have the wisdom of my elders but I do have more knowledge than them on some topics. 

Therefore, what you call complaining I call teaching.


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## Shirleythebetta (Jan 9, 2012)

*Olympia** definatly, you can get all of your feelings out with someone who gets it so you don't go off on the parents. I am 25 and I think my dad would still spank my butt if I mouthed to him. Ahh, it is very true, we will never grow up in our parents eyes. Ha! funny story, my mom is a caregiver, she is 50 and her residents still call her a kid. They are between 70-90


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## SnowySurface (Apr 25, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> I chose for my daughter to be here and her life is my responsibility to protect. I cannot protect her if she doesn't respect me because if she doesn't respect me she won't listen to what I have to say.Do you take advice from people you don't respect? I know I don't. I am the parent and I am the one with the experience and knowledge to teach her how to survive. Regardless of the fact that when she gets to be a teen she will think she knows everything. That's just a symptom of being young. All teens and young adults do it. Personally I think it's a natural thing than happens to give youth the false confidence the need to venture out of the home and live on their own.


Sorry for the quick double post, but that hits my point with a bulleyes. I don't think I know everything because I'm young. I think I know more about fish care than my parents because of books, this site, and 6 years of experience. My confidence isn't false because I do know how to care for fish and have done so for 6 years. Now, if I could get more of my family members to believe that I know what I'm talking because I know what I'm talking about then I won't need to vent on this forum thread anymore. 

But on a side note, Heaven help any youth who was given false confidence before they left home. If your confidence isn't 100% bulletproff this world will eat you alive and spit out the remains. :shock:


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## styggian (Dec 13, 2011)

I have to agree with everyone stating that parents don't always know best, and that sometimes you simply have to disagree with them. My parents have a lot more life experience than me, but they have DIFFERENT life experiences. My mother has experience raising two kids alone, _I_ have experience living in another country. I would go to her if I need to talk about things kid related (I don't have/won't have kids, so it's theoretical but I can vent and she understands). But I know more about the country (England) that I lived in for 6.5 years that they only visited. I know about chinchillas, cats, rats, and fish, they know about gardening, home care, hunting, so on and so forth.

Luckily, they respect _my_ knowledge, as I respect theirs, but I don't take anything they state as gospel simply because they are my parents, and frankly, I know my mother wouldn't want me to. She always encouraged me to do my own research, seek my own knowledge, and find my own answers. Because of this, we have wildly different political and religious views, and eventually we still came to respect each other's opinions.

I see nothing wrong with venting. I vent at my mother about things and she vents at me about things.

Also, I was born in east Texas and have never said ma'am/sir except when dealing with customers. It's not a natural part of my vocabulary (but I'm a pretty bad Texan, I hate the place XD).


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## styggian (Dec 13, 2011)

All that said, my parents DID used to criticize me or others for taking care of sick animals instead of getting rid of them. They did eventually learn I don't find that acceptable and no longer make negative remarks about my pets or animal care opinions. My mother is a great person and is willing to learn and understand when something she says upsets me.


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> You will never be able to make everyone treat betta's well. Nor will you ever be able to get everyone to believe that you are right and they are wrong. It doesn't matter how much research you do on the subject. People are gonna believe and do what what they want, and getting angry about that will only hurt you in the long rung. For years I tried to educate people on pit bulls ad the truth about bite statistics ect... I would argue for hours even weeks with people in person and online and I would get so angry that they refused to believe me. Notice how I said refused? You see that's the kicker. You can be right all day long and have ALL of the facts to back you up and people still have the right to ignore the truth and CHOOSE to live in lies, and make no mistake about it, people do it all the time. Heck it happens on this website all the time. So you can get upset about things you can't change and let it bother you and stress you out, OR you can ignore them and focus on the people who will listen to you. The truth is, you just can't fix stupid and trying to will only stress you out and waste your time.


Don't worry, I know how massively frustrating it can be trying to educate people who don't want to listen. I nearly screamed at a petshop worker once who refused to put a heater in the tank she was using to treat a sick betta because I simply couldn't get through to her that the poor little girl was too far gone to recover without the very best treatment. But I didn't. I knew she wouldn't listen, so I walked away. However, not reacting and not being bothered are too very different things. 

In my case, I hope that I can fix the conditions in which my sister's goldfish is living - in fact, I have actually managed. My family don't refuse to listen when something becomes blindingly obvious for the sake of their pride - one reason I love 'em. A couple of days ago, my mum and I went out and ordered a pond, so we can get him out of the 23 gallon he is in and into a bigger space with friends. 
However, it has taken him having ich and then columnaris in a very short space of time and my family asking my advice to get this happening. Prior to that, I frequently suggested water changes and even attempted to do them myself. For reasons I couldn't quite fathom, I got in massive trouble for this. However, since if I didn't he'd be lucky to get a water change a month, I considered it an argument worth having. How can I follow a career of preventing animal cruelty, the way I want to, if I can't do something about it at home first? (I should also say, my dad sanctioned my water changes). I love and respect my family a lot, but I can't let them neglect an animal. I think trying to respectfully convey my point, even if it does lead to some tension that I know WILL heal within a few hours, is a lot better. I didn't do it often - mostly I would try to lead by example - but when he started to get sick I would press my point. That isn't a lack of respect. It would be a lack of respect in my view to let them mistreat an animal, however unintentionally.


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## Shirleythebetta (Jan 9, 2012)

*Styggian. beautiful avatar. he reminds me of charlie a little. Great poating too my mother is the same way. She encouraged us to be leaders in a unique way. i remember being a little kid, maybe 5 and her asking me to teach her about things relating to MY world which was amazing for me. We repected each other mutualy because of that. now that I am an adult we are best friends and she asks me questions about my bettas. It's nice when a parent shows healthy intrest in their kids hobbys. No matter how old their kids are.


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## styggian (Dec 13, 2011)

Shirleythebetta said:


> *Styggian. beautiful avatar. he reminds me of charlie a little. Great poating too my mother is the same way. She encouraged us to be leaders in a unique way. i remember being a little kid, maybe 5 and her asking me to teach her about things relating to MY world which was amazing for me. We repected each other mutualy because of that. now that I am an adult we are best friends and she asks me questions about my bettas. It's nice when a parent shows healthy intrest in their kids hobbys. No matter how old their kids are.


Thanks :-D That's Poseidon, he's eating his tail right now but I think I've figured out why. I like how the pic doesn't show the tailbiting. He's such a friendly little dude.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

Shirleythebetta said:


> Not just Texas, Ohio is like that too, respect your parents is a major thing in most places it depends on the parent and the kid though (how they were raised). I was raised in a household that had fish (my dad is still a fish keeper, betta's too)My dad doesn't say anything to me most of the time, I live on my own with my fiance (we are 25 and 29) but I have well water so I get ten gallons a week at his house for my water changes. When he does say something I just smile at him and listen out of respect. Then I do my own thing. Nothing I say will make him understand my water changes since he has never kept anything under a ten gallon. When my fish got ich he told me to treat it for one day with my meds and it would go away. A parent can be stubborn with their beliefs just like we on here are. Knowledge is a two way street and sadly, most of us don't like to learn from each other. I am assuming most of these kids don't mouth. they are just looking at this thread as a way to vent. Venting is healthy for anyone, my mother still calls me to vent about my brother and sister as I am sure she calls them about me. We all need someone to complain to or we may explode!


Ah! Thank you. So many people seem to think I'm disrespecting my parents. Where did I say I said any of this to their faces? I'd much rather discuss it here to fellow betta enthusiasts.. Just a friendly rant thread.

I hope that answers many of your questions about my position.


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

Precisely. The object of this thread isn't to bash parents or be disrespectful of them - we are simply sharing are mutual frustration about family members who sometimes put us in an awkward situation, either by not caring for their fish properly or by offering incorrect advice about ours.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

Bombalurina said:


> Precisely. The object of this thread isn't to bash parents or be disrespectful of them - we are simply sharing are mutual frustration about family members who sometimes put us in an awkward situation, either by not caring for their fish properly or by offering incorrect advice about ours.


Yup!


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

LittleBettaFish said:


> Oh I say much worse :devil: Just have to keep it PG-rated for the forum haha.


Exactly my point, had you been raised in my house you would think twice before speaking a single word of disrespect. I don't blame you though. It's not your fault. Teaching respect is a parenting issue and if a parent raises a rude child its their own fault.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

Olympia said:


> If this was true my fish would be living in unheated little bowls because I'd be doing what my parents said -____-


I have said on numerous occasions through this thread that there are MANY ways to EDUCATE your parents. Don't pick and choose what you want to read out of the thread and make assumptions. I NEVER said to just follow everything your parents say. I said listen when they are talking and show respect by not arguing with them. Then later when the time is right take them the facts and educate them in a respectful manner. 

Take this thread for example. This member did EXACTLY what I said to do. The poster is respectful and intelligent and succeeded in their goal of having a betta fish. 

http://www.bettafish.com/showthread.php?t=83144



> My dad had said "NO!" to a Betta in the house but I wrote a two page research paper on "The difference between Bettas and Goldfish" (He used to own a goldfish and that was the main reason he didn't want any fish) and stuck it under my parents covers so they would find when they went to bed. And he wrote me a note back and it said YES!!!!!! So I am now the proud owner of a male Veil Tail! I think he may turn purple. What do you think? Sometimes he looks reddish and sometimes purple. Thanks to a suggestion from a friend, I'm thinking about naming him Little Joe or Hoss. ^.^ I fed him 3 pellets this morning and he gobbled them up!!!! I'm going to get him a heater today hopefully. WalMart was out of the one I needed.


Here was my reply to the poster



> Excellent job with communicating with your parents. I hope my daughter is as well behaved and as intelligent as you are in the future. I am very happy you got your fish, you deserve it! If you ever need any help or have any questions please don't hesitate to ask


That's how you communicate with your parents! With respect!


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## fraviz (Jan 29, 2012)

Well getting back to the original topic....
You are not alone.. there is a lot of people who care for their fish and want the best environment for them... (heater, bigger,etc)
Parents do not want/care because they are looking the finance point of view.... 
do not antagonize... just get a part time and buy or do what you consider the best for your pets... 
I was considered crazy too... just because I look for the best for my fishes.... so guess what I moved out 

Bettas Rule, I understand your point and share it to certain degree... but not all youngsters know how to talk and have problems expressing, also a forum is a hard place to express exactly what you mean... sometimes is better just to let it go....


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Bettas Rule said:


> Exactly my point, had you been raised in my house you would think twice before speaking a single word of disrespect. I don't blame you though. It's not your fault. Teaching respect is a parenting issue and if a parent raises a rude child its their own fault.


Just as well I have a sense of humor then as made obvious by my use of haha and the smiley. Glad my parents didn't respect that out of me.

However, what my parents have done, is raised a polite, well-mannered daughter with an excellent work ethic and slightly wicked sense of humor. 

They have also raised someone with strong opinions and as this is always going to be a case of agree to disagree I would ask that you stop making personal assumptions about me based on a couple of posts on a fish forum.

Your parents and subsequently you, have raised your kids one way, and my parents have raised me another. Doesn't make anyone wrong or right. 

What is wrong, is that any family member in a position of authority would condone the neglect of a pet simply because it is a subject that they are not well-versed in. Some of these kids posting here are young, and may not possess the skills to persuasively get their point across, without it devolving into an argument about who is putting a roof over whose head.

It's very difficult to change the mind of someone who is very set in their ways. Particularly when someone is in a position of authority and the other is not. 

Now I pay rent and am an adult I am on much more even footing with my parents than when I was younger, and so it is easier for me to separate my business from theirs. I can certainly understand why a lot of the kids on here get frustrated, particularly when it concerns the proper care of their pet. How many times have we all read about a betta improperly housed because the child can't convince their parents otherwise? I could not imagine how incredibly upsetting that must be to have to go through.

I simply read the OP's post as a vent, nothing more and nothing less.


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## styggian (Dec 13, 2011)

Bettas Rule said:


> Exactly my point, had you been raised in my house you would think twice before speaking a single word of disrespect. I don't blame you though. It's not your fault. Teaching respect is a parenting issue and if a parent raises a rude child its their own fault.


I think that is an unfair and uncalled for assumption. No one here has come across as remotely disrespectful. Not hanging on every word of a parent or authority figure doesn't make someone disrespectful. Having a different opinion doesn't make someone disrespectful. Having knowledge about a subject that a parent is ignorant on doesn't make someone disrespectful. And wanting proper care for a pet when a parent is advocating neglect does not make someone disrespectful.

I haven't seen LittleBettaFish say anything amounting to disrespect. Disagreement doesn't mean they were "raised wrong."


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

fraviz said:


> Well getting back to the original topic....
> You are not alone.. there is a lot of people who care for their fish and want the best environment for them... (heater, bigger,etc)
> Parents do not want/care because they are looking the finance point of view....
> do not antagonize... just get a part time and buy or do what you consider the best for your pets...
> ...


Yes you are right, thanks.


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## chrissylee13 (Jan 1, 2012)

styggian said:


> I think that is an unfair and uncalled for assumption. No one here has come across as remotely disrespectful. Not hanging on every word of a parent or authority figure doesn't make someone disrespectful. Having a different opinion doesn't make someone disrespectful. Having knowledge about a subject that a parent is ignorant on doesn't make someone disrespectful. And wanting proper care for a pet when a parent is advocating neglect does not make someone disrespectful.
> 
> I haven't seen LittleBettaFish say anything amounting to disrespect. Disagreement doesn't mean they were "raised wrong."


i totally agree with you there. i'm 21, and i can understand both points of view. growing up i've always been the pet/animal person in the family. and when ever i tried to help my parents with something related to the dogs or cats that we had they just wouldn't listen, they were "always right". unfortunately, they would have rather given up than try to fix the problem. of course, this upset me greatly, because i respect the things my parents teach me and i think very highly of them. but when they can't do something simple to take care of a pet (that i can't have in my apartment) it hurts and i take it personal. 

fortunately, i've never had to be upset about bettas with them so thats good! lol but i'm sure they think i'm crazy anyways. 

but, this is why i will teach my children to care for and love all the pets i hope to have someday. and if they learn something i don't know, i will give them a chance to explain before i shoot their ideas down.


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## Arashi Takamine (Mar 3, 2011)

I'm just gonna say this I don't like seeing posts that sound condecending and like we're being treated like someone's kid over how we posted or approached our parents. So what if we're not always respectful? When has anyone ever been the perfect child?


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

Wow. A friendly rant thread turned into a war zone! :lol:


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## Aus (Feb 3, 2012)

I'm the 45-year old mother of a 13-year old girl. I'd be seriously worried about her if she started saying "yes ma'am" to everything I asked of her. 

Mainly as I gave birth to a child, not a robot.

That said. She wants a pet rat. I said no (and gave several sound reasons). And I am now the parental equivalent of Idi Amin, with my special kid-crushing, soul-destroying meany-pants on. 

Omg. At least our pets are decent.


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## nel3 (May 29, 2011)

i can work over my mom a bit regarding fish, wont get her 100% to understand but she accepts that i need to do certain things for a betta. my father used to have fish when he was younger and pushed or larger tanks. some of my friends and my brother are those 1/2 gallon/vase, no heater type of people.


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## Aus (Feb 3, 2012)

nel3 said:


> some of my friends and my brother are those 1/2 gallon/vase, no heater type of people.



And unless I'm totally wrong (apologies if I am) THIS is pretty much what the OP was upset about. The fact that people who are horribly misinformed about betta care (as I myself was only two weeks ago) are rudely pooh-poohing that poster's efforts to do the right thing.

Justifiably upset, I'd say. Nobody wants to be looked down upon for doing the right thing. 

All the more reason for the good betta keepers to get that accurate fishkeeping information out there into the mass consciousness, to the point where it takes over from the myths.


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## Myates (Aug 2, 2011)

I was lucky, I was given my first tank to me at the age of 12 by my parents.. and they let me have total freedom to do what I wanted/needed. By the time I was 15 I had about 5 tanks ranging from 10 gallons to 30 gallons in my room. I was breeding by the time I was 18 and selling the babies for credit at local aquatic stores. 
My dad eventually got into the hobby during that time as well (they had a large tank when I was younger, but it was more decoration then anything else.. the last time he was actually into it). I had no troubles with them questioning my care of the fish, as they knew I had done all the research I could possibly do (at the time the internet wasn't around, and then later by the end of my high school it had just started to become a fixture in a lot of homes), so my research was through lots and lots of books. 

Now, at age 33, I have had fish of all types in all size tanks throughout the years and have learned so much more. My youngest daughter at the age of 7 loves reptiles and fish, and she wanted a betta for Christmas.. aww.. she has autism, so it's interesting to see her and her reactions to the fish. I didn't get her her own betta this Christmas, because I feel she isn't ready for the responsibility. It's not that I wouldn't be willing to do the work- but it's that what would that teach her if she got to call one hers, yet didn't take care of it properly?
But I'm not going to forbid her once she is older and more responsible, nor will I question her when taking care of an animal if I know she is educated and understands how to properly do so.

I would say to people when the parents don't understand, to not get frustrated, or yell or throw any fits (not saying anyone here does).. but instead let them see that you are researching, that you are learning and try to teach them the proper ways of caring for fish. It works much better then getting angry at them for not understanding what is needed. 
You also need to remember that a lot of people who isn't a fish hobbyist don't see fish as pets. They don't play fetch, curl up with you, guard your house, etc. It's a mindset that can't be changed unless that person is wanting to learn and wanting to change. 

We see these little ones as individuals with personalities and quirks.. and that is what makes us fall for them and care for them properly. Can't force others to see the same thing we do. So all one can do in situations where the parents just don't understand is to talk to them respectfully; "Mom/dad, I would like to ask if you could please not judge my care of my fish- as I have done a lot of research and work to make sure they are healthy and in a good environment. It may seem like I do a lot to the tanks, but it's necessary when making sure it's a safe place for them to live. Owning the fish have taught me a lot about responsibility for other living creatures, and I would hope that you can see that this is positive for me." 


Unfortunately, the myths will never go away. Proper betta care hasn't changed over the decades, and the myths continue to live. All we can do is hope that people who decide to own a betta will do the necessary research in caring for them.


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## Bettas Rule (Aug 18, 2011)

Myates said:


> I was lucky, I was given my first tank to me at the age of 12 by my parents.. and they let me have total freedom to do what I wanted/needed. By the time I was 15 I had about 5 tanks ranging from 10 gallons to 30 gallons in my room. I was breeding by the time I was 18 and selling the babies for credit at local aquatic stores.
> My dad eventually got into the hobby during that time as well (they had a large tank when I was younger, but it was more decoration then anything else.. the last time he was actually into it). I had no troubles with them questioning my care of the fish, as they knew I had done all the research I could possibly do (at the time the internet wasn't around, and then later by the end of my high school it had just started to become a fixture in a lot of homes), so my research was through lots and lots of books.
> 
> Now, at age 33, I have had fish of all types in all size tanks throughout the years and have learned so much more. My youngest daughter at the age of 7 loves reptiles and fish, and she wanted a betta for Christmas.. aww.. she has autism, so it's interesting to see her and her reactions to the fish. I didn't get her her own betta this Christmas, because I feel she isn't ready for the responsibility. It's not that I wouldn't be willing to do the work- but it's that what would that teach her if she got to call one hers, yet didn't take care of it properly?
> ...


Very well written and well said. I agree completely.


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## Myates (Aug 2, 2011)

Thanks 

A lot of times, the people who say things and are near you all the time will eventually stop saying things that are hurtful. Just have to meet them in the middle, don't push your fish on them, instead allow them to go to the fish if they wish. If not, no worries- it's their loss, your gain.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

Aus said:


> And unless I'm totally wrong (apologies if I am) THIS is pretty much what the OP was upset about. The fact that people who are horribly misinformed about betta care (as I myself was only two weeks ago) are rudely pooh-poohing that poster's efforts to do the right thing.
> 
> Justifiably upset, I'd say. Nobody wants to be looked down upon for doing the right thing.
> 
> All the more reason for the good betta keepers to get that accurate fishkeeping information out there into the mass consciousness, to the point where it takes over from the myths.


Yes! 100% my point, haha.


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## hidenogensou (Feb 3, 2012)

I haven't had to worry about my parents encouraging negligence of my pets' well-being... I think this has been helped by the fact that one of my betta was rather sickly-looking when I brought him home. My mom, usually of the opinion that a sick pet is better off being put down (well, I'm referring to major illnesses), actually cares about that fish maybe more than I do. 

The thing that irritates me that my parents have done is say 'We should put two betta in the same bowl! Then you could keep the one that survived!' .... I'm so glad my mom just has a twisted sense of humor, and would never do it..


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## nel3 (May 29, 2011)

Aus said:


> And unless I'm totally wrong (apologies if I am) THIS is pretty much what the OP was upset about. The fact that people who are horribly misinformed about betta care (as I myself was only two weeks ago) are rudely pooh-poohing that poster's efforts to do the right thing.
> 
> Justifiably upset, I'd say. Nobody wants to be looked down upon for doing the right thing.
> 
> All the more reason for the good betta keepers to get that accurate fishkeeping information out there into the mass consciousness, to the point where it takes over from the myths.


i know that. i myself dont really have that many people that know are well educated on betta care. even i was in the begining. my vt was in a unheated 0.5g though i did keep up with the WC. it was maybe 2 weeks i was like that.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

nel3 said:


> i know that. i myself dont really have that many people that know are well educated on betta care. even i was in the begining. my vt was in a unheated 0.5g though i did keep up with the WC. it was maybe 2 weeks i was like that.


As was I, I had 7 girls in a 5g tank! :lol:


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## nel3 (May 29, 2011)

Jrf456 said:


> As was I, I had 7 girls in a 5g tank! :lol:


that must have been rather competive.

i just found out my brother's GF has a 100g tank. the father does most of the fish care.there are some cory cats, 1 loach and another 3 species with 6 individuals including tetras. theres also a yellow barb in the tank. the tank is pretty nice and the betta is rather old and has what seems to be a tumour. it doesnt look sick though the tank is heated and filter a tad strong to keep the other species alive. i dont know if there are some .5g type of people there but the father isnt one of them.


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## MandiceP (Jan 7, 2012)

I don't want in on the parental debate but I have 2 cents for the original thread topic.

Luckily my parents taught me to research pets and animals before I got them and I had to present to them that I was capable of caring for the pet before I could even get it... This being said they always listened to my info and took it as a learning experience for themselves... But my parents are not everyone's parents (and I've been out of their house now for many years and I'm married myself, anyways) My problem is with Coworkers and CUSTOMERS! I work at a local pet shop and our store focuses on all natural. We have a pretty impressive fish section and my boss works hard to stock our tanks with quality fish and we care for them correctly... except half of the employees don't care enough to educate customers about bettas. They say they can go in the tiny decorative bowls with no heat and feed them one pellet a day... ugh. Also several of the guys will sell goldfish to people with bowls and that really gets me going. I fully educated an older lady with her grand daughter today that goldfish need a large fully cycled and filtered tank to be healthy and she said "But I want one in a bowl... like Dorothy from Sesame Street..." I told her I couldn't sell the fish knowing she didn't have a tank set up for it and such. I then offered to help her get a proper setup and educate her if that was the route she wanted to go... then she said "My nephew has a large tank, can't I just throw the fish in there?" I asked her what kind of fish were in his tank, because goldfish shouldn't mix with tropical... she looked at me like I had 8 heads. Then she said "can't I just get one, they don't really last that long anyways..." I flat out said "They can live a _very_ long time, it's just they are never cared for enough to get there. No you can't have the goldfish." She did thank me for the information and left, but others are not so polite. I hate customers who are ignorant to the fact that I am looking out for the fish and trying to sell them equipment to keep it happy and healthy. I almost feel like they think I'm just trying to sell them more stuff for the money. ugh. Anyways. That's my rant!


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## cp6445 (Jan 14, 2012)

LOL when I am out of town my parents come to my house to care for my betta and cat. I give them very explicit instructions for both. They smile and nod and snicker about what high maintenance pets I have.

Of course, then they failed to recognize when my betta developed fin rot so they are sort of fired from that job for now They mean well...


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## elijahfeathers (Oct 15, 2010)

My mom flips out when I get the bucket to change my 5 and 10 gallons. She wouldn't let me dump in the tub or down the toilet, made me walk it outside, tells me I can't do anything in our skins, tells me I'm running up the water bill.

The result is a few times every day I'm swapping out 1-2 gallons, or was for a while. I'm glad my tanks are cycled now and that I don' thave to change as often. Sadly due to my mom's paranioa about fish tank stuff, my 2.5 id bare bottomed so there's not any 'rocks that will go down the sink'.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

I am always worried one day my mum will get a plumber out to find all the sand, gravel and debris I have been merrily washing down the sink has clogged up the pipes. I think I will pack my bags and flee if that ever happens.

Do you have a window or something in your room that you could possibly run a modified siphon out of? Might stop you needing to carry buckets around everywhere.


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## Jrf456 (Jun 23, 2011)

LittleBettaFish said:


> I am always worried one day my mum will get a plumber out to find all the sand, gravel and debris I have been merrily washing down the sink has clogged up the pipes. I think I will pack my bags and flee if that ever happens.
> 
> Do you have a window or something in your room that you could possibly run a modified siphon out of? Might stop you needing to carry buckets around everywhere.


The first part made me lol. xD


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## MaisyDawgThirteen (Dec 7, 2011)

My parents are very good with my fish.  My mom adores my rasboras. I have been accused of micro-managing the psychotic guppies (which I am guilty of). lol


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## Neil D (Apr 10, 2011)

My parents generally know that I take good care of my pets, but sometimes they think I'm nuts...

I hope a month isn't considered a "dead thread"?


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## Mars788 (Sep 9, 2011)

Oh man...well, my Mom is pretty understanding about my fish. Dad on the other hand....Let's just say when I brought Dol home for break (didn't have Morpheus back then) he and I got into a few arguments over it..
He seemed to think that putting a tropical fish in one of the coldest rooms in the house was the epitome of common sense. Me going in and turning the heater on in said room, however, was sheer stupidity and likely to send the heating bill through the roof. 
Then there was the lovely discussion we had when he heard me 'chatting' with Dol during a water change....So everyone else talking to the dogs and cats is fine, but it doesn't make sense to talk to a fish because it's supposedly stupid? Sheesh....
Okay, rant over lol.


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## MadameDesu (Feb 5, 2012)

Hmm this is interesting. I haven't done any water changes at home yet, so my parents have nothing to comment on yet.
Luckily, they're both biochemists, so I'm entirely sure they'll understand, hahaha.

People seriously ask why it has to be changed often? Because there's POOP in there. And ammonia, which is POISONOUS. How is this so hard to comprehend?


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## RoranicusPondicus (Sep 22, 2011)

It sounds like I have the greatest parent in the world when it comes to fish, but then I come from animal loving folks. They understand that any type of animal in the best care that you can give. That why I think my current betta Rory(avatar) is spoiled by my mom and me. She has gotten him a pink bucket, some new silk plants, and still want to get him more things. At first none of my family knew about betta fish, but over time I have gave them info on this great little fish, that they understand. Just tonight I told them about bubble nests after Rory made one while I was away for a few days. It all comes down to if the parent(or people) are open to new information. If they are not, then you could rant till then end of time.


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## winterhailstorm73 (Mar 12, 2012)

Oh my gosh my parents do the same thing! "That waters perfectly clear it doesn't need to be changed". Yes, I realize the water's clear, you are supposed to change it before it gets cloudy. They especially don't understand why I would ever want more than one fish :/. Luckily they have been understanding about the water changes lately though.


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## xjenuhfur (Jan 30, 2012)

My Father is actually the one who loves fish. My mother, not so much, but I had Goblin home for a week and she started to like him. My Dad supports me to a point. My Grandparents on theothter hand, don't support me as much. as long as I accept responsibility, they don't mind.
Being 22 though, and away at university makes me appreciate my family. And looking back, considering I wasn't really raised by my mother, makes me appreciate my grandmother and grandfather so much more. I now realize the lessons they taught me and I love the twisted life lessons I've learned.


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## FallenMessiah (Dec 19, 2010)

My mum got me my first fish when i was like 12 i think  3 gold fish in a little 10 liter bookshelf tank, but now i'd never put a another goldfish in that tank again, its waaaaay too small. Now i my largest tank is a 5 foot with my adult oscar and i got my eye on my uncles 6 foot. haha
Buuuut mum says no more fish, ( i have 4 empty tanks) not till after my holiday at least, i can see her point tho, im going away for a month, and i actually have no room, been trying to convince mum to move out  i was going 50% water changes daily on my Oscar tank when i first got him and i dont have to pay for water sooo...

But now fish keeping is a serious hobby for me i even give my brother the riot act and hes kept fish for longer then me haha! but when a friend gets a fish i gently coach them on how to look after them properly, one got two Bettas, which have now actually died :'( she had them in these little 500ml containers and i said to get them in a bigger tank and heater but at least she took my advice and tried.


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## MadameDesu (Feb 5, 2012)

FallenMessiah said:


> but when a friend gets a fish i gently coach them on how to look after them properly, one got two Bettas, which have now actually died :'( she had them in these little 500ml containers and i said to get them in a bigger tank and heater but at least she took my advice and tried.


I know what that's like ... I live at college, so a lot of people keep fish as pets. One girl I know has a betta in a jar ... I feel so bad for it 
He's absolutely gorgeous, but I think he's slowly dying because he hardly ever moves. He's probably cold. I don't know this girl very well, so it would be rude to tell her she's a bad fishkeeper. But she really is a bad fishkeeper.


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## Wolfie305 (Jan 31, 2012)

My parents keep complaining that the electric bill is going to go up because I have a heater in one tank and a filter in another. They haven't seen me do water changes yet, so I haven't heard the water bill lecture yet.

I'm curious, how much DO these type of things run money wise a month? I'm sure they can't be all that much, and I would love to shove some facts into their faces so I don't have to listen to my mom anymore than I already do about everything else. 

I'm moving out soon anyway. 23 years old, time to get the hell out. Can't deal with my mom anymore, nor my parents recent decision to get a divorce ugh.


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## MrVampire181 (May 12, 2009)

My family doesn't enjoy my complaining about long trips... I refuse to leave my fish over one week without clean water (I'm talking 30 gallon tanks too). I'm not going to California in May because 1. I want to spawn my white pair the first week of April and 2. all the fry I'll have will need daily 75%-90% water changes and lots of food.


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## freemike (Feb 3, 2012)

Well I guess I am lucky as I live with my parents getting through college. My family doesn't "get it" or think the time is worth it. They are very appreciative of my fish though lol just wouldn't do it themselves. My family will look at and adore my fish. They don't want the duties involved by any means.

Though after reading this thread I'm glad my parents didn't raise me with the sentiment that they was always right. My parents taught me to learn as much as I could about the world and help feed my curiosity. They taught me to question authority the right way; even if it was themselves. They never once told me they was the final word. My parents taught me the right way to challenge authority. My parents also let me know that even if I did it the right way that sometimes the authority would still take dissent against me. They taught me how to do research, find facts, and present them. Even children while needing to be taught should never be oppressed by making them submit to an ultimate rule. The last thing our society needs is more mindless slaves.


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## PersephoneK (Mar 20, 2012)

I live in college and just got a betta. I'm letting my grandma and her husband take care of him for the first half of spring break and then I'm coming to stay with them. My grandma has kept bettas before in those tiny little betta bowls and was talking about how crazy I am. I gave them the empty tank and they asked why I didn't just give them the tank with him in it. His little 3 gallon aquarium weighs 20 pounds with the gravel and water in it! I'm not going to carry that down 3 flieghts of stairs and across the block. Then they made comments about how this was like "taking care of a grandchild". They asked me if they could leave him in the car for an hour while they went to lunch. Anyway, I wrote out long detailed instructions on his care and plan to call daily but I'm terrified that he's going to die. I was talking to my mom about this and she also thinks I'm crazy. I just want him to be happy.


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## PersephoneK (Mar 20, 2012)

Aus said:


> I'm the 45-year old mother of a 13-year old girl. I'd be seriously worried about her if she started saying "yes ma'am" to everything I asked of her.
> 
> Mainly as I gave birth to a child, not a robot.
> 
> ...


If it's alright for me to say this, rats are wonderful pets. They bond with humans the way a dog would and love to snuggle. I think most people see their tails and freak out but rats are like little people. Just telling you that they aren't as bad as most people think. I'm not trying to tell you that you're wrong or bad or anything.
The only real downside to rats is that they only live about 2-3 years. They usually get tumors and either die slowly or are put to sleep. So this sweet little furry friend that you develop such a close bond with isn't around for very long. But apart from that, rats are excellent.


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

Wolfie305 said:


> I'm curious, how much DO these type of things run money wise a month? I'm sure they can't be all that much, and I would love to shove some facts into their faces so I don't have to listen to my mom anymore than I already do about everything else.


A friend of mine talked to an electrician, and apparently the amount of eletricity tanks use is completely negligible - enough that you could run two six-foot tanks off one six-point powerboard.


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