# When your loved one says "Just flush him."



## MrNighttime (Jul 24, 2011)

So as I have posted elsewhere, my male Pickle has lost a fin. He is struggling it seems. I got him as a pet/project for my daughter when she cae to stay with us for the summer. We picked him out, the decor, everything.

My fiance, who clearly isn't attched to the fish as I am, tells me that I need to flush him and get it over with. She says he is like a 3 legged dog or blind cat now. She wants me to just "get rid of him" and doesnt want me to get anymore fish as "obviously you can't take care of them".:shock: I couldn't figure that one out. "It's just a freaking $3 fish for crying out loud and we can get rid of that tank".

Try as I might I can't convince her that it is hard to "just flush him". ANyone ddeal with this and any advice?


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

DON'T DO IT HIS TAIL WILL GROW BACK.

And I think it's heartless to say blind cats or three legged dogs should be killed. I know those animals can still live full lives. I know two three legged dogs who are just as happy as four legged dogs and I HAVE a blind cat who is just peachy thanks. People don't even realize he is blind because his whiskers help him feel around his home.

Also it's animal cruelty to flush a living fish. I would say if she makes it a it's me or the dog...pick the dog.


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## lelei (Apr 30, 2012)

Wow..how cruel..if you treat your fish the fins will grow back..clean, warm water, and Aquarium Salt will help those fins heal right up..daily water changes with salt for 4-7 days.;-)


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## MrNighttime (Jul 24, 2011)

It's his left pectoral that is missing.


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## lelei (Apr 30, 2012)

They all grow back, I took in rescues, that had no tail, no lower fins, anal fins, and hardly no dorsal the one on top..and all my fish after treatment all had their fins grow back..Get the Aquarium salt, and start treatment asap


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## Bettanewbie60 (Jun 26, 2012)

I am so sorry about your fish...and your fiance..well, that is just cold, sorry.


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## MollyJean (Dec 29, 2009)

A lot of people have spouses that don't like fish. I'm not sure why.. It's like having a fish in the house is insulting. My husband, while he is as accepting and supportive as he can be, hates my fish. He can't explain why, but he wishes they where all gone. Of course, he's very quite about it and doesn't make me feel too bad about loving them. But he doesn't want to hear about them, doesn't want to see them and doesn't like it when I spend time with them. There are points when he just says "enough is enough" and I have to pretend we don't have fish for a few days, feed them when he's not around, and do water, heat and body checks very fast.

I guess the only advice I can give you is tell your spouse it's your pet, you take care of it, and if they don't like it, don't look at it.


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

Yup all the fins grow back with treatment and care. I still think it's cruel and honestly insulting to me who owns a blind cat to have her say they are not worthy of living. She should have said we might as well shoot cripple humans too and take out my aunt who's missing a leg while we are at it, drown babies with mental deficiencies, and hang people who have spinal injuries and now have to live a life in a wheel chair. crippled animals deserve to live as much as healthy ones, birds with broken wings get along just fine in captivity, three legged dogs well one of the ones I know DOES AGILITY AND WINS. Blind cats I said my part I own one, horses with bad legs can still survive so long as they are not ridden, and my aunt despite one leg left after an accident still plays soccer. Gesh some people, it makes me wonder if they were ever hugged as children T.T and if they have that train of thought where they got the idea they could play god and decide who was worthy of life and who wasn't (Hitler). Sorry if I offend with that but god, seriously saying crippled things don't deserve to live is not only wrong but looking at a human point a view it's pretty much what the Nazi's said.

I agree with Molly, tell her to ignore the fish, it's your damn fish not hers. She doesn't have to touch it or look at it if it makes her happy.
And Molly I think it has to do with jealousy, sometimes they wonder if we love the animals more than them. My ex boyfriend openly admitted to me once he thought I cared more about my cat than him because I skipped our date to take her to the vet and after that day he couldn't stand my cat and always made up crazy stories about her attacking him. In the end it got so bad he told me to have her put down because she had a bladder infection and I dumped him. My house, my cat, my law. I also had a boyfriend who said I was only seeing him but I was married to my show horse Lucky Memory...which was kind of true but he was cool that I enjoyed spending so much time with my horse and despite the fact he was afraid of horses he tried to bond with Lucky too (figured out the way to my heart is through my horse, Lucky i like the gay best friend who has to pass approval). Even though we were broken up over different issues when Lucky died he called me up and said I cried a little too when he heard the news just because he knew I loved that horse so much.


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## BettaQi (Jul 26, 2012)

I think there are many dynamics at work inside all of us and when something triggers our inner fears, we lash out at it.

It may be that your fiancé has a very critical view of herself and doesn't like any reminder that life can be frail.

It may be that she wants all your attention herself and resents the fish bc it takes up the time and care that she wants all to herself.

It may be that she feels overwhelmed by many things and the tank is the easiest thing for her to use to distract herself form her own internal dialogue.

And the fin will grow back. My blue girl lost part of her left pectoral fin and it's now almost as long as the right one. That was in July. 

May you have harmony and joy in your home.


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## lelei (Apr 30, 2012)

_I took in a fish that someone didnt want and was bout to do the same thing..as your fiance stated, how would she like it, if she only had one leg, and someone said well, your useless now, I will get rid of you..I dont think she would like it..and btw..the fish I took in is doing quite well, and he is adorable, funny, smart, and feisty..and he is the one that was going to get flushed, and then you can prove her sooo wrong when she sees that your fish will be just fine, after treatment.._


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## MollyJean (Dec 29, 2009)

Eh.. I have a very broken fish.. No tail at all. The thought of ever throwing her out because she's broken has never crossed my mind.. And my husband has never suggested it. Some people are very odd.. why would you throw away a living creature because it's not perfect? What right does anyone have to decide what is perfection?


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## BettaQi (Jul 26, 2012)

MrNighttime said:


> So as I have posted elsewhere, my male Pickle has lost a fin. He is struggling it seems. I got him as a pet/project for my daughter when she cae to stay with us for the summer. We picked him out, the decor, everything.
> 
> My fiance, who clearly isn't attched to the fish as I am, tells me that I need to flush him and get it over with. She says he is like a 3 legged dog or blind cat now. She wants me to just "get rid of him" and doesnt want me to get anymore fish as "obviously you can't take care of them".:shock: I couldn't figure that one out. "It's just a freaking $3 fish for crying out loud and we can get rid of that tank".
> 
> Try as I might I can't convince her that it is hard to "just flush him". ANyone ddeal with this and any advice?


It may be that she also sees the fish as a reminder of your daughter and your previous relationship, and thus feels insecure and resents the fish.

Not really about the fish.

A good opportunity to go for deeper communication here. I highly recommend the book Non-violent Cmmunication by m. Rosenberg.

In it he details how he gets opposing sides to communicate, including rival gangs and opposing sides of war like Palestinians and Israelis and Catholics and aprotestants from Northern Ireland.


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## Leeniex (Aug 14, 2011)

My loved ones would never say that to me, they know me better than that. Even when I lost a fish my son buried it before I came home so I wouldn't have to see it dead.

Honestly, she sounds heartless if she thinks damaged animals are worthless. How does she feel about damaged humans?


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## MrNighttime (Jul 24, 2011)

I think she feels the fish take up too much room and was a passing fad for me. I did have several tanks and 11 fish. As they passed I just never replaced them so now I am down to just two males. I think she just wants them all gone so she can have book shelf space and "no mess". 

But I just can't toss him.


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

Don't toss him, I say if you can't keep him give him to someone who knows about betta care and let them have him. It's not worth killing a living animal that still has a big chance of recovery. I am sure anyone here would take him, I know if I had time to set up a tank I would.


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## MrNighttime (Jul 24, 2011)

Oh no....he stays. I put my foot down. It's just the tension and the fact a seemingly minor thing could turn into so big of a deal. I just like to know how people deal with this attitude when it comes to fish.


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## Bettanewbie60 (Jun 26, 2012)

MrNighttime said:


> Oh no....he stays. I put my foot down. It's just the tension and the fact a seemingly minor thing could turn into so big of a deal. I just like to know how people deal with this attitude when it comes to fish.


Yeah, it may be good to find this stuff out before the wedding if ya ask me, which you didn't...but yeah, it's your decision about the fish, and she should be respecting that. Sorry if I'm out of line..I just think that the ones who love us should be supportive of us no matter what.


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

I normally tell them it's my pet, they never touch the animal or care for it so why does it matter to them. I would understand if she was the one cleaning the cage but from the sound of it you care for the fish and they don't take up much space to be honest. Besides point out to her it makes you happy. Something that makes you happy she can't be angry about. Don't you want the person you love to be happy? That's my thinking.


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

Keep the fish and dump the chick. If such a small matter causes friction and such a violent reaction from her, what's next? :shock::shock::shock:


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Wow, I could not live with someone so blase about the life of a pet, whether it is a fish or a cat or a dog. That personally for me would be the breaking point of that particular relationship, but I guess it boils down to how much of a negative that is when weighed against the positives of the relationship. 

I am an avid animal lover and my fish are a huge chunk of my life, so if I had a partner who could not accept that or was resentful of that fact, then that is a relationship I would be forced to break off. 

IMO partners should be respectful of each others' hobbies and passions. Furthermore, I have always found a good judge of character is how someone treats animals.


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## lelei (Apr 30, 2012)

Sorry to say but she sounds like a control freak


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## LadyVictorian (Nov 23, 2011)

Reminds me of my mother honestly xD

When we wen to pick out the fish (remember I got everything with my own money and we don't even live together) I went to get a bigger tank which is obviously more expensive and she picked up this tiny .5 gal tank and said it was cheaper. I said I would put my brother in that tank before a fish and she said "It's just a fish, it's only going to live a year." yeah in that dinky thing, he's going to live 5 years in the five gal.


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## BettaKat1962 (Sep 9, 2012)

Im so sorry ur fiance is not so understanding and compassionate about fish as u are. They are living, breathing beings that deserve a chance at life, even tho injured, as any humam does. I hope ur lil friend recovers and that ur fiance learns to be more compassionate for your sake. Take care


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## ao (Feb 29, 2012)

flush the fiance!
just kidding XD

Maybe she's just jealous of the attention ur giving your fish


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## Hallyx (Jun 11, 2011)

On another, frustratingly related thread, the OP was prevented from getting her dream fish by her "boyfriend," as she called him. Not father or husband---or mother or wife ---or someone responsible for feeding, clothing and sheltering you. 

This is just another unrelated human being, not directly responsible for your welfare. And this is the twenty-first century, not the nineteenth!

Am I missing something?


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## Pilot00 (Jul 24, 2012)

Have you tried to make contact between her and the fish? I mean introduce her to him, tell her about how amazing they are, about their quirks, spawning behavior etc...

My mother was indifferent to our pet birds and fish a while ago, but after we got our first male canary and she heard him sing, she had a 180 turn. When he died she was crying more that me and my dad.

Now she loves our new one too (more the male than the female, because the female has the personality of a female betta lol). 

I believe your fiance needs to interact a bit with the little guy. Try to convince her to feed him, explain that his fins will heal and will be gorgeous.


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## registereduser (Jul 30, 2010)

Classic control freak.

She's letting him so that's that.


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## Perry the platypus (Aug 20, 2012)

It will grow back I promise.


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