# Anyone else get annoyed when a child stops taking care of their betta?



## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

My brothers girlfriend Bree has a little brother named Pierce whose stopped taking care of his betta. So their older brother Marvin is being forced to take care of it regularly by his girlfriend. I feel bad but theres nothing I can do about it. I was worried about its tank set up and had Bree take a picture of the tank. 

It looks like the tank is a 5 gallon. I wish I could take the betta in but I don't have anymore tank space (Bree asked before if I wanted it). So I made a betta mesh floating log thing and I told Bree to put it in the tank. I feel bad that its all I can do. And I asked Bree why he doesn't take care of it and she said he wants different fish. I told her not to get anymore fish for him until hes older. She said she probably won't until hes 10. Anyone else feel helpless because of similar situations?


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## Kaxen (Mar 3, 2013)

Well, at least it's a 5 gallon.

My only rescue fish was my cousin's betta which was in a tiny bubble bowl with so much algae that the water was opaque green "it just happened today" and the betta's fins grew in sideways from the poor water and cramped conditions. 

......it was also frustrating because my uncle keeps arowana so it's like YOU KNOW HOW TO CARE FOR FISH. SHEESH. WHHHHYYYYYYY


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## Kingcrimson (Sep 3, 2015)

I'm gonna be honest here. I was _that_ child who stopped taking care of their fish when they got bored of it. The memories of those times still haunt me to this day.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

I'm glad its a five gallon but still no heater or filter? Not even a lid or even one plant. Makes me sad. And Bree was talking about how the betta has a weird personality wise. All I could think was "Yeah it probably feels insecure in that tank".

I was the inexperience type when I owned a betta when I was little. The betta survived 6 months with like probably one or two tank cleanings. I remember the tank I had. It was a 1 gallon and it was like like a diamondish shape the lid was black and had a light underneath and there was a feeding hole. I don't really remember the tank decor or the betta very well though. I think the betta was blue and black and I think it was a veiltail. But thats all I can remember.


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## Mousie (Feb 16, 2015)

Kaxen said:


> my uncle keeps arowana


Just curious... what size tank does he keep those in?


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## Kaxen (Mar 3, 2013)

Mousie said:


> Just curious... what size tank does he keep those in?


I think it's at least six feet long or maybe more than that. Haven't been to his house in a while so I'm not sure.


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## BettaStarter24 (Mar 24, 2014)

My cousin has stopped doing water changes on her 2.5 gallon corner tank and has decided her veiltail "has lived long enough" There's not much I can do about it sadly.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

I don't know why any parent buys a pet _for_ a young child. I mean, we have always been a very animal and pet oriented family, but I don't think the majority of children are mature and responsible enough to be solely responsible for the care and welfare of a pet.


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## NickAu (Sep 28, 2015)

> *Anyone else get annoyed when a child stops taking care of their betta?*


No, Its what children do, they get bored with things and parents have to take up the slack.

How many times have we all heard the " Dad can we have a puppy? I promise to feed it and walk it Blah Blah" speech from Kids?


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## RNHime (Mar 12, 2015)

It irks me when _anyone_ willfully neglects any pet. While we may feel this sort of behavior is typical of most children, it certainly isn't reserved to them alone. Plenty of "adults" willfully neglect their animals to death, and it's disgusting.

Also, they are learning it from somewhere. (Maybe because they saw Mom & Dad leave behind the cats during the last move, or let the dog go on the roadside...) But if it's not being corrected, it will be learned as acceptable behavior. Sadly many people have a "just fish/just mice, just ____" attitude towards "cheap" pets, and they don't care what their kid is doing with a pet. This is also wrong, and it gets passed on to the kids.

It's just stupid that this is an issue in this day and age. For crying out loud, take the poor creature to an animal shelter or even a pet shop, and let them rehome it. Put a For Free ad on Craigslist and make somebody's day.

But, when they're not your kids, what can you do, other than try a rescue mission/talk with the parents? I would definitely be taking that poor betta, tank and all, lol.

I will never impulse buy any creature and feel that proper research and understanding of a pet's needs is vital. Especially if it were considered as a child's pet. (I care for my 2yo daughter, I have to see for her needs, of course I'm responsible for "her" pets by extension...) After all, the improperly cared for ones are going to be hardest to take care of, and the most "boring" because they are miserable. Having compassion to care for an animal is just as important as a kid (or adult) having responsibility.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

Heres the pets I've had. 

Betta- 7 or 8 years old (Lived for 6 months at the least)
Guinea Pig- 8 years old (I dunno how he died I just know that it was winter when he did and we couldn't bury him so we put him in a shoe box outside in a broken freezer until the ground thawed and we buried him with our family dog. I think his name was Nicky or something like that. Got him from a garage sale)
Dog- 10 years old (Got one but it did not like my older brother so we took him back and got a different dog which I still have today) 
2 Guinea pigs- 14 years old (Regret it. To messy and fresh veggies and bedding is expensive. Got rid of after about 8 months)
Cat- 15 years old (Technically I've had cats most of my life but they werent actually mine they were strays that I fed outside although my parents hated them)

And since getting my betta Blaze 8 months ago I've gotten hooked to fish keeping. Now my pet count is technically 1 dog, 1 cat, 2 bettas, 5 guppies, 3 ghost shrimp and 5 guppy fry. I have to wait till I get a bigger tank to get more. 

I'll probably give any female guppies that come from the guppy fry to my sister along with one of my male guppies that she likes and just sell the male fry. Still have 6+ weeks. 

Future pet ideas so far: African Dwarf Frog. Bird. I want a budgie but my mom says she has experience with cockatiel's so I should get one. I just don't feel comfortable getting a 100-200 dollar bird and having no personal experience on having a bird so that probably won't be for another year or so XD. 

Sorry about the long post. I don't think I'll ever stop fish keeping though.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

RNHime not to long ago on answers yahoo I was trying to help someone and they said "its just a fish" I blew up on them. Peirces mom isn't well lets just say shes never home. Which is why Bree is gone 4 days a week baby sitting. It would be more but her grandma babysits 3 days a week. Bree said she wasn't gonna have kids and instead considers her chickens her kids.


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## NickAu (Sep 28, 2015)

> someone and they said "its just a fish" I blew up on them


Yes for some reason people have this idea that its ok to miss treat fish because its just a fish. Anyway I will stop now because it will only get me started on what I think about small tanks.


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## RNHime (Mar 12, 2015)

AccaliaJay said:


> RNHime not to long ago on answers yahoo I was trying to help someone and they said "its just a fish" I blew up on them. Peirces mom isn't well lets just say shes never home. Which is why Bree is gone 4 days a week baby sitting. It would be more but her grandma babysits 3 days a week. Bree said she wasn't gonna have kids and instead considers her chickens her kids.


I won't let myself get into Yahoo answers, something tells me it would be a black hole of wasted time and aggravation.

Yes, I try to never assume anything but you figure that more than likely a kid that doesn't care about something they have under their care... probably isn't getting the attention they deserve/being cared for themselves. I'm sorry to hear that. =(


I've had *lots* of different pets throughout my childhood, but my Mom raised me to always, always be kind to all creatures. We were regulars at the SPCA, we'd foster kittens that needed bottle fed but we never kept them... we only took in disabled or adult animals that needed homes... the ones that don't get adopted. We always did the very best we could with the knowledge we had (no Internet!!), and it was rewarding to me.

I'm trying to instill those same values to my daughter, and even though she's only 2 I can tell it's sinking in. We have my 15yo cat (who I've had since her barn-cat kittenhood), and currently 1 aquarium. She helps to feed the cat and the fish. Hitting the cat or the tank is never, ever tolerated; she knows it's mean. She does wonderfully with all of them, and I'm going to put a nano tank in her bedroom for some of our shrimp (I think the babies are getting picked off in the big tank, lol), and she's genuinely excited about it. Direct quote from her at nap time today: "Please get my shrimp tank ready for me, Mom." _aww..._ I'm afraid I'm raising a future shrimp & betta addict... XD


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

XD I try my best on Yahoo Answers. Any betta questions I try to refer them to this site since I know a great amount of people on here know whats best for a betta. I admit I was about eleven when I kicked my dog once. Haven't ever done it again. Once in a while I'll accidentally step on my moms dog but her dog is kinda dumb. She will lay right under our feet while trying to cook or clean the kitchen, lays in the walkway between our chairs that leads to the bedrooms and shes so black and even her eyes are like a dark brown so in the dark you can't see her at all. 

And I think a shrimp tank would be cool for a little girl. What kind of shrimp? She might have trouble finding ghost shrimp although it would be a game like hide and seek with the ghostie which I'm always playing with my 3 ghost shrimp. And one of my ghost shrimp has like 4 eggs in its stomach. I'm not expecting any shrimp babies to survive. Actually I sort of hope not cause I'm a little over the limit of fish in that tank anyways. Once in a while I'll see a ghost shrimp swim in front to the other side of the tank but other than that its a full game of hide and seek. 
There's nothing wrong with raising a future fish lover. When she goes to college she should be able to have a small tank so that might become her comfort while being away from mom XD I know watching my fish gives me some relaxation after a stressful day.


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## RNHime (Mar 12, 2015)

AccaliaJay said:


> XD I try my best on Yahoo Answers. Any betta questions I try to refer them to this site since I know a great amount of people on here know whats best for a betta. I admit I was about eleven when I kicked my dog once. Haven't ever done it again. Once in a while I'll accidentally step on my moms dog but her dog is kinda dumb. She will lay right under our feet while trying to cook or clean the kitchen, lays in the walkway between our chairs that leads to the bedrooms and shes so black and even her eyes are like a dark brown so in the dark you can't see her at all.
> 
> And I think a shrimp tank would be cool for a little girl. What kind of shrimp? She might have trouble finding ghost shrimp although it would be a game like hide and seek with the ghostie which I'm always playing with my 3 ghost shrimp. And one of my ghost shrimp has like 4 eggs in its stomach. I'm not expecting any shrimp babies to survive. Actually I sort of hope not cause I'm a little over the limit of fish in that tank anyways. Once in a while I'll see a ghost shrimp swim in front to the other side of the tank but other than that its a full game of hide and seek.
> There's nothing wrong with raising a future fish lover. When she goes to college she should be able to have a small tank so that might become her comfort while being away from mom XD I know watching my fish gives me some relaxation after a stressful day.


Haha. Referring them here makes sense.

I, too, can think of times that I wasn't thinking and did a few mean things to smaller creatures... but there is a difference between having a moment of ignorance as a 6-year old and being one of the tween-agers that pounds on the whale tank at an aquarium, or picks the wings off butterflies, etc...

We have yellow cherry shrimp! They are fantastically bright yellow, so pretty easy to spot. It's so fun to watch them. =) It was impossible to get ghost shrimp locally this summer, so ordering "fancy" shrimp it was. I love 'em!


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## NickAu (Sep 28, 2015)

> so ordering "fancy" shrimp it was. I love 'em!


Here's some more fancy shrimp. 
http://shrimplovers.com.au/shop/live-shrimp


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

Are cherry shrimp easy to care for? I was thinking about trying some but I was worried about if I could keep ghost shrimp alive. Maybe when I get a bigger tank I might try some. Or if Bree ever gets a tank I'll give her my ghost shrimp and try cherry. But either way she needs a tank lol. She loves my guppies and I told her if she gets atleast a 5 gallon I would give her some. I wish petsmart was closer. Although it might be a somewhat good thing that its not lol.


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## NickAu (Sep 28, 2015)

> Are cherry shrimp easy to care for?


A mature tank that's planted well filtered is about all you need.

I am in the process of setting up a cube for some shrimp.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

Thats cute XD looks like its actually a river environment kinda thing lol. I would love to try having a tank look like that. But unfortunately I can't right now. Maybe someday I'll try to do it. What size tank is that? 3 gallons?


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## RNHime (Mar 12, 2015)

AccaliaJay said:


> Are cherry shrimp easy to care for? I was thinking about trying some but I was worried about if I could keep ghost shrimp alive. Maybe when I get a bigger tank I might try some. Or if Bree ever gets a tank I'll give her my ghost shrimp and try cherry. But either way she needs a tank lol. She loves my guppies and I told her if she gets atleast a 5 gallon I would give her some. I wish petsmart was closer. Although it might be a somewhat good thing that its not lol.


Yes, they are! Like NickAu says, mature tank is important... and do a drip acclimation when you get them. If a pet shop doesn't have them in stock look on AquaBid for someone who is selling a group... the are easy to ship when the weather is nice. Cherries won't interbreed with ghost shrimp, so they can be housed together. You don't want interbreeding of the different colors or they will revert to "wild"/natural coloring.

Oh, and the darker your substrate is, the brighter they will be once they settle in to their new home!

Basically, the more expensive a shrimp is the harder it is to care for/maintain, because they are rare wild-caught strains or they have been bred and inbred so much for a specific color/pattern. That's not always true, but for the most part...


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## NickAu (Sep 28, 2015)

Its a work in progress. Will be nice once it starts grows in a bit.



> I'll try to do it. What size tank is that? 3 gallons?


5 Gallon.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

Ah. I had a hard time figuring out how to add my ghost shrimp to my tank. So basically all I did was put them in a the tank in their bag let them acclimate a while, put the ghost shrimp and guppies because they were in the same bag in a 1 gallon and then just added a half cup of tank water every 5 or 10 minutes until the gallon bowl was full and then netted them out into the tank. It fell like it took forever XD but of course I let them acclimate like two hours in the bag. I do that with all my fish. Two hours of acclimation. Do you know how bettas handle cherry shrimp I added two ghost shrimp into my betta blazes tank at first and I don't think he noticed them. After one died I put the surviving one in my other tank. Was afraid it would be lonely.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

NickAu that looks tiny 0.0 Maybe its the plants or I really suck at guessing tank sizes XD


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## RNHime (Mar 12, 2015)

Just like with ghost shrimp, it depends on the betta. Generally babies will be snacks, but adults are left alone unless you have a ravenous murdering betta... Our DT male swims right up to the shrimp, but never nips at them.

Also, I think cube tanks are way harder to guess sizes on!! They trick you!


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

Thats the only con to bettas. Their hard to predict. They can have a range of personality's. But I did find out something about guppies. Some can like caves and stuff. I made a floating mesh log thingy and a female loves it. She will start like chasing the males that go in there out of it.


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## dannifluff (Jul 5, 2015)

I agree with RNHime and LBF here. In a way, I encourage parents to raise their children around animals. Done _correctly_, I believe it helps children to grow into more empathetic and responsible adults. However,the responsibility stops with the parents, and they should never buy their child a pet assuming that the child will take care of it. If you're not an 'animal person' yourself and unwilling to show a child how it is done properly, it's best not to bother. Otherwise you're just teaching your children that animals are disposable, which is a terrible lesson to learn. I feel for both the poor fish and the little kid. What kind of attitude is he being allowed to develop if he thinks its ok to just let an animal die when he's bored of it?


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## elijahfeathers (Oct 15, 2010)

It does annoy me some when kids stop taking care of their fish, but really I'm more annoyed with the parents who expect a small child to be able to take care of fish. I'm 25 and still can find it difficult to make enough time to give my tank all the time and cleaning it needs. Small kids simply can't be expected to do it all, and most older kids have more hours of homework than time in the day during the school year.

It's fine to get a fish for a child, but in the same way you wouldn't expect a kid to take full responsibility for a dog you shouldn't expect them to be able to do all the fishkeeping. There's plenty they can help with, and responsibilities they can have, but really asking a child to fully take care of any animal is a bit much.


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## Mousie (Feb 16, 2015)

When my daughter was younger (8 or 9) she wanted a pet turtle, so we bought her one. She took care of it all by herself. There were a few times I had to remind her no going outside until Henry was taken care of, but for the most part she was responsible. Then she got too busy at school (after school TA, chess club etc) and we discussed finding Henry a new home. She did so and found him a new home all on her own by going to all of our friends.

When she was around 11 or 12 she wanted Tamagatchi, so after some research I went on eBay and bought us a few rare ones. We had a total blast with those together since the kind we had could "talk" to each other. Then the summer ended and I had to care for hers while she was at school. I had to put an end to that myself because I couldn't keep up with two baby tamagotchi because she didn't understand that putting them on hold didn't kill them lol. I still have them on my cork board here in my office hanging on pins.

My son, nope. Not a pet kind of kid. He never asked for a pet so we never bought him one.

I had a black bear hamster named Toby for quite a few years that my daughter loved to care for when she wasn't too busy. So I guess you could say Toby was a mother-daughter pet. We had him till he died of old age.

Then there was the champagne rat we found huddled in the corner by our front door. He was domesticated, and obviously someone left his cage door open. I wish I could remember his name... we took him in and bought a cage and some food, then put up signs in the laundry matt but no one ever claimed him. We had him for several years before he passed away. He was the sweetest pet I've ever had, and loved to cuddle. Very clean too. Almost as clean as any cat I've ever had. He was a family pet, so we all took turns caring for him. My son liked to feed him, but he didn't want to clean the cage.

Then there was the rose hair tarantula. There's a story there, but I have to go further back in time to set this up. Back when my x husband and I first got married (22 years or so ago) we lived in a trailer in Orlando Florida. One afternoon while I was doing dishes a HUGE spider came up out of the drain in the opposite sink. I freaked. So there the two of us were, all the way on the other side of the livingroom in the hallway throwing shoes at this stupid spider in the kitchen. He ended up using my hairspray to kill the darn thing. 

Later on when I was 8 months pregnant with my second (son) child I was in the shower when a huge spider came down from the ceiling and landed on my chest. All I remember is being in the shower one moment, and then out in the parking lot of the apartment complex the next moment... screaming in a towel with shampoo in my hair. Some painters in en empty apartment came rushing out to see who this screaming insane pregnant wet woman in a towel was. One of them was brave enough to go into my house and kill the thing. It was stuck in the tub and couldn't crawl out. Embarrassed is putting it mildly. I made sandwiches for all of those painters and fed them brownies lol. 

Just a backstory there to show how deathly scared of spiders we both were. So I decided I wanted a ferret. He vehemently said no, and kept saying no every time I begged. He hates ferrets. The last time I asked and he said no I thought Id' be a smarta** so I said "Well if I can't have a ferret then get me a spider". I figured the joke would be on him since he's as afraid of spiders as I am. Later on that night he calls and says he'll be late coming home from work and that he needed to stop somewhere. He came home with a 10 gallon tank, a rose hair tarantula, and everything I needed to take care of it. :shock:

That was a little more than 10 years ago. The dang things live forever... he got the spider in the divorce and still has it, her name is Parker. We thought it was a he till she laid eggs. We originally named it Peter, but ended up renaming it to Parker. Marvel fans will get it.

I will tell you though that having a pet spider for all those years has made it to where we are not scared of them anymore. I never did put my hand in the tank. Bob allows her to crawl on his hand and arm now, and even has a few more spiders (and a ton of snakes too). He even went so far as to get a huge tarantula tattoo on his chest (we both have several tattoos). I get to see the the snakes and spiders when he posts pics to his Facebook page.

I want a dog, but Doug is allergic, so we have many fish tanks instead. ;-)


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## aselvarial (Feb 21, 2014)

We got our son a fish when he was 4. It was with the full knowledge that, while it was "his" fish, it was my responsibility to maintain that fish and keep it happy. That's part of being a parent. If you can't do that, don't have kids. But we already had a cat and a dog before moving on to fish, and then all the fish became mine anyway. 

Mousie, my husband would LOVE a pet spider. We aren't allowed to kill them if found in the house. They have to be humanely relocated. Wolf spiders regularly find their way into our house, and I was fine with catching them and relocating them, until I found one with babies hitchhiking on her. I was so grossed out by it that I don't look at the spiders now as I cup them and put them out in case I run across another female. My 5 year old refuses to use his bathtub as a spider moved in and spun a web while we were on vacation and he refuses to have her removed. He says we can't destroy her home. I can't wait until that spider dies or moves on and I get my bathroom back.


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## bandit1994 (Sep 24, 2015)

I am going to shoot strait with yall I was that way till I got my leopard geckos and I learned that every thing has feelings


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

Well, I have one question. Where are the parents? I get so sick of wimpy parents who can't tell their children NO, you aren't getting a pet of any type until you show the responsability of caring for one. There are so many examples that a child is or isn't responsible enough for POSSIBLY owning a pet. But I'm like, what kind of parents put the entire responsibility on the child and when the child gets bored, the parents allow that animal to suffer. It's sick. I was raised up with tons of animals and the moment I was caught slipping on my chores and caring for my pets, my mother got rid of them. I guess that's why I feel like I do. If you aren't willing to provide the basic necessities, then you shouldn't have it. Simple as that. And as adults, they should know this already. And there is no exception to that. They can't pretend that they didn't know it was suffering because "it was in his room". So that tells me that you never go into your child's room? As an adult, you get privacy, not a child. I bust into my son's room any time I feel like it and make sure everything is as it should be. 
Sorry for the rant, but ultimately the blame for this poor betta falls on the parents for allowing it to suffer.


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

+1 rubbie5837

My five year old helps me take care of her pet fish. I wasn't allowed to be responsible for my own pet until I was 10 or 11 and mature enough to do the work. If I forgot one day, my dad was all over my case to go take care of him (a guinea pig).


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

Exactly. When my son's fish were alive (he didn't kill them. They died during the move) he was responsible for feeding them and interacting with them. And when he would miss a day, he wouldn't be allowed to play on his tablet that afternoon. He helped me with water changes by filling up the jugs of water and emptying the waste water. I kept him involved in the care so he would learn the correct way to do things. And when he had a puppy, he was responsible for feeding it and taking it to the back yard and playing with it. He has regular chores and always have had chores since he was much younger (like around 3). It's been just me and him practically his entire life, so he helps me quite a bit. Now that he is 8, he is not only responsable for keeping his room clean, he takes the trash out, collects the mail, puts the laundry in the washing machine, unloads the dryer, helps carry groceries in and generally anything else that I need help with, he helps. So he is quite responsable, but our lives can't really handle the responsability required for a dog right now. That's the only reason he doesn't have one. We have our ferret and my bettas and my sister's dog. That's plenty of beings to care for. I do my job as a parent, so it's difficult for me to comprehend why someone else can't. And even harder for me to comprehend why you could sit there and be so utterly neglectful to something that YOU allowed to come into your home. There's no exception to that in my eyes.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

I asked Bree how the betta was apparently her brother Marvin now hasit in his room since he takes care of it.


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

Well, that's good. Glad it's being cared about.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

Yeah I'm glad atleast he's taking care of it. He's an okay person. Not gonna lie im still worried lol.


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## Sharkbait HooHaha (Sep 29, 2015)

LittleBettaFish said:


> I don't know why any parent buys a pet _for_ a young child. I mean, we have always been a very animal and pet oriented family, but I don't think the majority of children are mature and responsible enough to be solely responsible for the care and welfare of a pet.


Exactly. My parents technically bought a goldfish for me when I was around 4-5 and I actually knew to feed him everyday a certain amount, but my parents were the ones who cleaned his tank every week. They knew they couldn't just leave him in there while it got dirty. I don't get why parents buy a fish for a young kid and then don't do _anything _for the fish.


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## queenamira (May 5, 2015)

I get annoyed when children even GET bettas. Once a betta, or any animal, gets in the hands of a kid their fate is utterly destroyed.


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## aselvarial (Feb 21, 2014)

queenamira, it's not the child's fault if a pet in their responsibility dies. Or at least, not solely. Most kids don't buy their own pets. They can't buy food, chemicals, medicines, plants, really, anything for that pet. And ultimately, parents are responsible for EVERYTHING under their roof. That includes kids pets. If the parent doesn't like the idea that they are ultimately responsible for their kids pet, DON'T GET IT! My son got a betta when he was 4. Did I expect a 4 year old to know how to take care of a betta? Heck no! That's what I, as his mother, am here for! To TEACH him. And one of those things has to be a respect for life! All life. Even spiders, ants, stick bugs, and yes, fish. We even taught him about when pets eat live food (mosquito larvae). 
Unless a kid is out their own (in which case they are no longer a kid) the pets in that household are the PARENT'S responsibility and any parent that says their kids pet died because they didn't take care of it, is a pretty crappy person, not to mention a horrible role model. 
Imo, respect for life starts at the bottom. If a kid is taught that life is disposable, even fish, then, eventually, they may reason ALL life is disposable. And frankly, those are not the kind of ppl we want eventually running the world.


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

aselvarial said:


> queenamira, it's not the child's fault if a pet in their responsibility dies. Or at least, not solely. Most kids don't buy their own pets. They can't buy food, chemicals, medicines, plants, really, anything for that pet. And ultimately, parents are responsible for EVERYTHING under their roof. That includes kids pets. If the parent doesn't like the idea that they are ultimately responsible for their kids pet, DON'T GET IT! My son got a betta when he was 4. Did I expect a 4 year old to know how to take care of a betta? Heck no! That's what I, as his mother, am here for! To TEACH him. And one of those things has to be a respect for life! All life. Even spiders, ants, stick bugs, and yes, fish. We even taught him about when pets eat live food (mosquito larvae).
> Unless a kid is out their own (in which case they are no longer a kid) the pets in that household are the PARENT'S responsibility and any parent that says their kids pet died because they didn't take care of it, is a pretty crappy person, not to mention a horrible role model.
> Imo, respect for life starts at the bottom. If a kid is taught that life is disposable, even fish, then, eventually, they may reason ALL life is disposable. And frankly, those are not the kind of ppl we want eventually running the world.


Amen to that. Glad to see there are more parents out there that get this and why the blame isn't on the child. That's why I asked about the parents in the first place. They allowed it into their home so it's their responsability to make sure that it's taken care of. The neglect and abuse is on them, not the child. Simple as that. There is no excuse. I could rant forever about this and my problem with wimpy parents (can't say what I really call them. Gotta keep it family-friendly)


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## queenamira (May 5, 2015)

I agree with you 100%!! I've seen so so sooooo many kids with parents who let them have pets and never teach them the responsibility that one NEEDS to have in order to care for ANYTHING! They let their precious destructive child handle or play with a pet as if it were a toy and never intervene in any part of the responsibility. Then when that pet finally becomes sick or even dies, they both are shocked about it. "How did this happen?? Billy always plays with Mr. Fishy! He loves it when billy grabs his fins and drags him all around the tank or when he pours the entire container of food in the tank! Oh mr fishy is such a little piggy!" (Yeah true story.)
And yes I know. "Not all parents" are like that. I'm only speaking from my experience. I'm the child of a generation and culture that has no regard for nonhuman life.


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## dannifluff (Jul 5, 2015)

The crux of this matter, to me, is that unless the parent is a knowledgeable fish keeper themselves, fish aren't really suitable pets for children anyway.

I mean, we all know how steep the learning curve is when you first start keeping fish, and how little information you are given from pet stores. That's why most of us are on this forum in the first place... we learned the hard way that fish keeping isn't easy. How is a child meant to do all that?

Sometimes, responsible children (and we definitely have them here) will go and do the research themselves, and then find they are in an uphill battle against their parents to give the fish what it needs. We've all seen the 'my parents won't let me buy a a heater' type posts... and that's the most heartbreaking. The parents have bought their child a fish, and they have a wonderfully mature and responsible child who goes out of their way to find out what that fish needs, and then they don't respect the child enough to help out with it, because in their opinion it's 'just a fish'. They assumed they were buying their child an easy pet and even when the child does their job for them by researching the fish's needs, they still couldn't give a d*mn. I respect the kids on here so much, trying their best to look after the innocent life that they are responsible for, sometimes when their parents are sending the worst kind of messages.

If my child went and researched a pets needs and came back with a list of important things for that pet's wellbeing and health, I'd be so proud of them! But then, I'd never buy my child a pet without knowing fully what is needed in the first place.

The parents are really missing such a great bonding opportunity with their child. It must be so wonderful to research together before buying a pet, choosing all the equipment you need, setting it up, the fun bit of choosing your pet, designing a care schedule, and working together to bring a new member in to your family. Watching your child bond with it and learning to take care of others, learning to empathise with animals, learning how to be an adult, and you get to take part in all of that special process of growing up... and yet some parents just don't care. I don't understand why they'd want to miss out on all that. They've just thrown a bit of money at the child to try and keep it occupied and out of their hair, and shut the child down when he or she tries to engage with a process that ultimately they were responsible for starting.

I'll stop now before I start getting into a diatribe about the appalling attitude of some parents today. I think it all stems from the same issue though... the parents have had a child without *really* committing to raising it.... they just had a baby because they wanted one, and spend most of their time avoiding the hard work that comes along with it, by buying their child stuff to keep them occupied and out of the way. Like pets. Even living beings like children and animals aren't exempt from the consumerist/throwaway society we have created


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

So true. I have faced said challenges with my own pets growing up. My parents allowed me to get a pet, but when it needed something that my tiny allowance wouldn't cover, my pets suffered. Such an example is a kitten that I rescued grew up and because I couldn't afford to get her spayed, she ended up pregnant. Well, she was having a very hard time delivering the babies and I begged my mom to get her to the vet. She refused and swore that she would be okay. "Cats have kittens all the time without needing assistance." Well she died after days of labor and I never forgave my mom for that. It's so horrible for parents to be like that. Especially, like dannifluff stated, the child truly cares but cannot afford that much responsability on their own. Any pet should be treated as a family member.


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## aselvarial (Feb 21, 2014)

Rubbie5837 that's horrible! Any pet that enters my house is my pet...even when it totally isn't. An allowance shouldn't be for pet necessities. It should be for extras. If the fish requires a heater, it's the parents responsibility. If the kid wants extra decor in the tank, or a new toy, (with the exemption of chewing toys for rodents) those are allowance items. My female cat was $100 to spay. I drop $50 a month in flea meds and food for 2 pets! What kid has that kind of allowance?


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## elijahfeathers (Oct 15, 2010)

Man coming back, on the note about parents and pet supplies... I live at home still, I have my own job, I pay rent ect. But if I'm out with my mom shopping for fish supplies, no matter how many times I tell her all I hear is "You don't need X". When I found out my 2.5 gallon tank was broken in storage and I needed something to put my fish in she handed me a vase that probably holds like .5 gallons. It worked for a few days until I could get a tank... she was shocked I'd spend more money since it was such a pretty vase. She saw my shopping cart for the current setup, apparently my fish would have been fine with 1 plant and some pretty glass beads, I was just wasting my money on driftwood and proper gravel and a bunch of plants. At least now that it's set up she thinks it's very lovely and I didn't waste my money, though she thinks I should add some more fish to my 2.6 gallon tank.


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## VivianKJean (Aug 20, 2013)

Here is the thing about kids and any sort of pet. 

All kids at some point want a pet - either a dog, cat, hamster, fish, something. 

If a parent/guardian decides to get a pet for the kid, the parent/guardian must know that they will be the ones who will be caring for a pet. Not the kid.

I was 6 when I got my first betta. BUT my parents were really the ones who got the betta. They were the ones who did the research. They were the ones to who bought a 2.5 gallon tank with a heater. The only thing they let me do was pick out the color of the gravel and pick out the rock decor things and pick out the plants. Then they let me pick out the fish but they told me that they did research to make sure that the one I picked out is healthy. 

My father was the one that did the water changes. He did make me "help" him. And by "help" I mean that he was the one who cupped the fish (mind you this was 16 years ago and we were doing 100% water changes), he carried the tank to the bathroom, he dumped all the water out, he conditioned the new water, then filled the tank back up, he carried the tank back into my room and he acclimated the fish back into the tank. The only thing I "helped" with is that I had to be present with him while he did this and that he had me help wash the decor with hot water. 

I also fed the fish but my dad would supervise me and make sure I only added 2-3 pellets in the tank at feeding time. 

So in reality the fish was my dad's. The fish just lived in my room and I got to watch him swim and name him. 

Its irresponsible to expect a young kid to take care of a pet of any type. If you are a parent then the pet is your responsibility no matter who old your kid is. Even when I was a teenager and I had fish my parents still kept an eye on my tank to make sure I was taking good care of it.


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

Vivian, I love your parents. My dad was basically the same way with my first tank. He did the work and I just watched the fish in the bowl while he cleaned the tank. I loved washing the plants and stuff. He wouldn't let me do anything else but watch and learn. My mom thought fish was a waste and never liked them. Frankly, she didn't like anything that wasn't "her's". Even then, that pet was walking a fine line between beloved pet and going to the pound or worse. She was just a hateful person.


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## VivianKJean (Aug 20, 2013)

my mom loved my fish but my dad is a control freak so he wanted to be the one to clean the tank. As I got older, my dad left me do more and more things until I was doing water changes by myself (obviously when I was in high school I was cleaning the tank on my own) but when I was younger he was just trying to teach me what caring for a fish is like. Honestly, I don't see why more parents aren't like mine and yours. A little kid has no idea how to care for a fish nor can they really understand how important water changes are for fish.


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

Wimpy parents. That's why. First, they don't know how to tell their kids that they can't have a pet so they buy them a fish thinking it's no work and hope that it hurries up and dies so they can replace it with a new one. That way, their child will never get bored because they constantly get a new fish every couple of months.


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## dannifluff (Jul 5, 2015)

I am very fortunate too that my Mum loves fluffy things so there was never a shortage in our home of dogs, cats, guinea pigs, rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, chinchillas, chipmunks, canaries, rats (basically, you name it we had it).... and my Dad loves the hobbyist side of fish keeping so we always had a big tank full of mountain minnows and a big goldfish pond outside, which our cats regularly fell into. I was lucky, very lucky, to grow up in a home surrounded by animals, and I got all the good stuff like the cuddles and rarely had to do any of the hard work except occasional dog walks. But it has been invaluable to me as I've grown older and started to keep my own pets, because I know what responsibility looks like. As I've moved into tropicals, my Mum (who lives nearby), while making it clear she thinks I'm vaguely insane considering the amount of money involved, and doesn't really 'get' fish herself, has never once said that she thinks I shouldn't do this because it's 'just an animal'. She just feels there are easier pets to be had, because she's not a fish lover herself, but she has no qualms about looking after them and doing everything I ask for her if I'm ever away. She even (bless her) continued cycling my tank for a whole weekend by dosing ammonia when I went away once, as well as feeding the other fish his bloodworms and filling up the CO2 diffuser. I know if I went away for longer periods she'd be happy to do water changes as well, if shown how. And she has quite a soft spot for Arthur, but then he's very impressionable, even for a Betta.

I do feel for children that like animals but their parents aren't 'animal people'. I could have easily been one of those kids that begged for a pet then killed it by accident. Fortunately it was always my Mum or Dad going 'how about we get another...?', lol. They were the addicts!


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## queenamira (May 5, 2015)

rubbie5837 said:


> Wimpy parents. That's why. First, they don't know how to tell their kids that they can't have a pet so they buy them a fish thinking it's no work and hope that it hurries up and dies so they can replace it with a new one. That way, their child will never get bored because they constantly get a new fish every couple of months.


I wouldn't say that's the only reason parents don't bother caring for animals. I don't know how old you are or how old your parents are, but the people in my parents' generation and everyone before them simply never grew up with the mindset of caring for animals, physically or emotionally. It's just how they grew up and how they experienced the world around them; animals were supposed to be separate from humans, and in their age they were, so that meant that they didn't need help or care or love from humans. Obviously that is far from true, but that's just how it was for them and we can't really blame them for being raised that way or for still having that mindset when they have children who want pets. We can only try to get them to comprehend the fault with that mindset. But we all know you can't change the way someone was brought up.

This is *obviously* just a personal observation that applies to my/my parents' cultures. Not saying every older person in the world doesn't give a cr*p about animals. You will still see people in Mexico and people in the Middle East who have beautiful animals but don't care for them at all, but trust me it was much worse before.


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## Reccka (Jul 20, 2014)

rubbie5837 said:


> Wimpy parents. That's why. First, they don't know how to tell their kids that they can't have a pet so they buy them a fish thinking it's no work and hope that it hurries up and dies so they can replace it with a new one. That way, their child will never get bored because they constantly get a new fish every couple of months.


Doesn't help that these parents fall for the ridiculous marketing some of these stupid tanks have. (Looking at you, My Fun Fish Tank)

Half of them are all about "no work! no hassle! never do a water change EVER! just add fish!" I don't know how anyone besides actual children can fall for that. If it's a living creature, it needs care! If they want a "no work, no hassle" pet...get a pet rock because that doesn't exist.


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## AccaliaJay (Feb 5, 2015)

When I asked for a fish last year my mom bought me teddy tank. One gallon bowl with a stuffed monkey around it with cute little orange bows. And my brother bought me the gravel. I had to work for all I've got now. Babysitting, chores, going with my mom shopping to sit in the car with my little sister so my mom don't have to take her in because it hurts her shoulder all that fun stuff. But I have a feeling when we move because my mom wants a 50 gallon tank that I'll be the one making sure the fish are all happy and that she gets the right equipment. My parents arnt exactly animal people which is why they call me the google queen since I'm always looking up how to care for my pets. But they have had different types of animals cats, dogs, cockatiels, chickens, ducks and I hear they had a deer named Alex when I was 3.


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## DangerousAngel (Mar 26, 2015)

LittleBettaFish said:


> I don't know why any parent buys a pet _for_ a young child. I mean, we have always been a very animal and pet oriented family, but I don't think the majority of children are mature and responsible enough to be solely responsible for the care and welfare of a pet.


THIS! And if the child is just going to get bored, don't get them a pet in the first place. Besides it's always the parents that end up having to take care of the pet.


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## rubbie5837 (Dec 22, 2014)

queenamira said:


> I wouldn't say that's the only reason parents don't bother caring for animals. I don't know how old you are or how old your parents are, but the people in my parents' generation and everyone before them simply never grew up with the mindset of caring for animals, physically or emotionally. It's just how they grew up and how they experienced the world around them; animals were supposed to be separate from humans, and in their age they were, so that meant that they didn't need help or care or love from humans. Obviously that is far from true, but that's just how it was for them and we can't really blame them for being raised that way or for still having that mindset when they have children who want pets. We can only try to get them to comprehend the fault with that mindset. But we all know you can't change the way someone was brought up.
> 
> This is *obviously* just a personal observation that applies to my/my parents' cultures. Not saying every older person in the world doesn't give a cr*p about animals. You will still see people in Mexico and people in the Middle East who have beautiful animals but don't care for them at all, but trust me it was much worse before.


Well, my parents were from the late 40's and early 50's time where veterinarians I guess weren't too popular. My dad grew up with one dog who hated everyone but his mother. And my mom grew up with animals of all types but was right above completely dirt poor. So, they came from a different time where animals were animals and not family members. But to me, among the turmoil of my childhood, my pets were my only friends and the only living souls who actually made me feel like I mattered. They were the only ones who I could trust, and in a few cases, protected me. My relationship with my mother was pretty messed up anyway, so it would bother me when I was discouraged from doing what was right. And it wasn't just the well-being of my pets were we butted heads alot on. My mother was just cruel to say the least. Ahhh. That's an explanation for another day.


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## queenamira (May 5, 2015)

rubbie5837 said:


> Well, my parents were from the late 40's and early 50's time where veterinarians I guess weren't too popular. My dad grew up with one dog who hated everyone but his mother. And my mom grew up with animals of all types but was right above completely dirt poor. So, they came from a different time where animals were animals and not family members. But to me, among the turmoil of my childhood, my pets were my only friends and the only living souls who actually made me feel like I mattered. They were the only ones who I could trust, and in a few cases, protected me. My relationship with my mother was pretty messed up anyway, so it would bother me when I was discouraged from doing what was right. And it wasn't just the well-being of my pets were we butted heads alot on. My mother was just cruel to say the least. Ahhh. That's an explanation for another day.


 I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how rough that is. The good thing is that you turned out completely different, with a big heart for animals and other living things. We need more people like that in this world.


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