# Frazzles Journal



## Frazzle (Apr 10, 2012)

No one has to post on here, I need to get this out.

Pretty much this week was going good. I've been with my girl for nearly 4 years, and yes we've had our up and downs, but the last two night have been the worst.

Before she dated me, we had this flirting going on, but I never actually asked her out. After she became tired of waiting for me, she started talking to a guy and almost dated him. So I came back into the picture and swept her back off her feet. Then, after a little, she texted me and said she had to tell me something. When I called her, she told me she had gotten feelings back for him, but immediately felt disgusted and guilty, and had to tell me. My trust was hurt :/. For months after that, I would bring it back up, and ask if she loved me and if she still had feelings for him. After a few months, I was over it, and we were 100% happy again. 

Then, her ex came back into the picture, and said he had never gotten over her and wished she was his. I was furious. I told him to back off, but he wouldn't and was sending me hatful messages and pointing out all his advantages over me. She then stopped talking to him for about a week but then told me that she had missed him, and that she wanted to continue to talk with him. It hurt, knowing that she wanted to continue to be close friends with this guy who said such harsh things to me, and had added so much stress into our relationship.

Currently, my girl is debating on not a break up, but just a little time apart. Im terrified. I do not want to lose her because I fell so deeply in love with her. I feel like my jealousy and my trust issues ruined everything. I feel like a failure.

I just learned that 2 out of 3 of my Bettas have Velvet. I lost my job so I have no money. I hate that they both are suffering and I don't have medication that will help them :[

I just feel like im ruining everything around me. I've lost all my friends, and I might lose the one person that loves me the most. I might lose 2 little guys that look up to me for survival. 

:/


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## Frazzle (Apr 10, 2012)

Will edit tonight

Just woke up, and i feel like im having a panic attack


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## Frazzle (Apr 10, 2012)

Looks like i messed up, we're on a break

I need help


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