# How do you walk away?



## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

Most of you may know that I haven't bought a Betta since early August (well, he was a gift really). I did get my breeders stock in early Sept but those were planned since May. So I have been to the pet store countless times in the last two months, always finding a Betta I love but never leaving with one. I mean really, my 6 males and 5 females is enough for me. That's 11 fish I'll have to say goodbye to someday. Mostly we have red and blue veiltails, which makes it easier since I have a few that look like them anyways.

But tonight, I saw one that just blew my heart away and I was in near tears leaving the store without him. A yellow and white dragon HM, something I have never seen in person until I got Spidey from the breeder. HM are never in stores here, but I guess they started selling more than VTs. 

My question is, for those who have this Betta addiction under control, how do you do it? I thought I was doing good, I guess I still am since I still only have my 6 boys, but I have been up all night upset cause I want to go back and get him. He's not doing to well either, clamped and at the bottom of his bowl. But I know my 6 tanks are more than enough for me to handle. It's just not smart to get another fish. The $20 price tag through me off as well. But alas, I am here heartbroken and wishing I had just one more spot for him  How do you guys cope when that ONE Betta that totally spins your world around, and you can't take him/her home? Sigh. Sorry. No one locally know what I'm talking about. They don't understand that pull towards these fish 

This Betta looks exactly like the one at the LPS.. which I oddly posted on the Aquabid thread a while ago.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

I used to buy a new betta once every couple of weeks. It was easy because I had plenty of time and the space and resources to house them all. 

Eventually however, I got tired of dealing with the stress of constant water changes as well as the fact that I had a whole lot of tanks with only one fish. They all just started blurring together and I realised that looking after them had become a chore rather than something I enjoyed. 

So I ended up selling off around 15 of them, and culling a couple of chronically sick ones. 

I decided I wanted to focus on natives and wild bettas instead as they are much more flexible in terms of tankmates and care. 

I now avoid the betta section of our LFS and prevent myself from buying any imports from the transhipper here. I just go with the whole out of sight out of mind thing. I may go by and give them a cursory glance, but I try not to look at each one individually as otherwise I get attached and find myself walking out with a fish I didn't need.


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## valleyankee (Oct 21, 2011)

OMG, how could you walk away from that beauty?


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## 1fish2fish (Sep 10, 2009)

Look at the quality of life yours have and remind yourself that you never know when one more betta will be your tipping point between excellent care and "oh well... I'll change the water tomorrow" 

Know what you can and cannot handle and adjust accordingly.


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## Luimeril (Dec 29, 2010)

i have pouted when i couldn't get one. she was a yellow pineapple female. last one at the store. i wanted her SO bad, but had to spend my money on bedding for my bunny rabbit.

honestly, though, the only thing keeping me from getting anyone new, is money. often, i don't have money to buy a new baby. last one i bought from the store, was Scout, but i had money on me, and just had to, because he was so tiny and ugly, my heart went out to him. now, though.... i don't have money to go and buy someone new. not in my pocket, anyways. lol


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## ShyDog (Oct 15, 2011)

There will always be just "one" more betta I know how it feels. I set up my community tank so that I could have a couple (my girls) in one spot and not feel bad about having 8 or 10 betta. 

It's just about how much you can really handle, he might spin your world around but he might also spin someone else's world around, at the same time why not see if any of your friends want to get into the hobby? That's how I got a friend to rescue a betta I was agonizing over in the pet store.


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

Sadly Shy, I don't have any friends locally. And most are of the same idea that bettas live in small bowls with nothing and no water changes. I can honestly say, not many people here take care of bettas like we do.

It would be much easier if money was an issue, I mean I didn't want to pay $20 for him, doesn't mean I couldn't ya know? I have set ups here that are empty, just sitting there ready for water. I also know that one more wouldn't be a hassle on day to day cleanings or food supplies, as I have gone from 8 tanks to 6 in the last month and will be dividing another 10g which will bring me to 5. 

I don't know why I didn't just take him, I have no idea what is stopping me. 

It's not a matter of "one" more fish, I have been around many Bettas, I have walked away from them all (even ones that were on the brink of death, and I walked away). There was just something about him  

I've decided to let this go, push it back in my mind so I don't think about it. I'll reward myself with a breeders pair next summer... or I'll get another if one of my boys sadly pass. It's just so flipping hard having the money, the set up, the time and still having my head say no!


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## 1fish2fish (Sep 10, 2009)

Something that helped me was constantly telling myself there will ALWAYS be another fish, even though it doesn't feel like it at times there will always be another that you fall in love with just as much.

Now I'm too broke and too busy to afford any fish so that really helps.


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## Bombalurina (Oct 10, 2011)

My parents are what stops me. I know I could easily handle another tank, but it's their house, their rules. 
Luckily, after Apollo died, my mother eventually agreed to let me get Odysseus (named today after 3 weeks with me, lol!), who looks pretty similar to that boy but is a butterfly, and slightly less yellow. My only reason for wanting him was that he absolutely pulled my heartstrings when I saw him - love at first sight. He was in a good petshop with good care, a litre and a bit to swim in, mental stimulation, clean (if slightly cool) water...but he was so beautiful, and the only HM I've seen in my city. Even his $26.50 price tag couldn't put me off (especially since the lovely shop owner let me have him for $11.50!). 

It's the same with rats, though. I see a rat as the RSPCA, and I just think, I could give that little boy the most amazing life, and I know I have the money, time and love...but my parents say no.

Life will become more difficult when I graduate and leave home, I think...less money, less time, but more freedom to rescue every little critter I see...


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## jessiepbg (Nov 13, 2010)

After I put together my 30 gal and spent way too much money on it, I just put my foot down(with myself?) and decided that the number of tanks I had at that moment was as many as I was allowed until I bought a house/somewhere I was planning on staying for more than a year. It kind of worked out because I'm planning on moving out of state as soon as I've got my degree and it's going to be really difficult to move or rehome as many fish as I have right now, much less if I went and picked up all the Betta fish that have caught my eye over the last few months. 

Here's hoping my boyfriend's little sister catches the Betta bug and takes my babies when we leave.


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## Pataflafla (Jun 2, 2011)

I had a plan from the start (However unexpected the start was and however that plan backfired). I wanted to be able to keep all of my betta(s) in my room.

I only expected to get 1 (Ratchet). Then I got Moonshoes because his spawn brothers were taken, but not him. Then I got Mirage and Starscream (Mirage had been there for over a month and his spawn brothers were all taken long before I decided to bring him home. Starscream would have drowned in his cup from how weak he was). Sabino was the last (And the one that broke my plan for the most part since she's in my sister's room in the sorority).

I still managed to keep all of my boys in my room as well as one of my sister's aggressive females.

I don't like the twice divided 10 gallon, so once that female gets a tank of her own, I'm taking out 1 divider, meaning one less space for me to fill.

Basically what worked for me was saying no to my sister for a month while she got the betta bug, and then trying desperately to stick to my plan. Now, whenever I go to the store, I assess the bettas and if she wants to bring one home, I question her on where she's going to keep it, can she handle the financial burden (She's goign through nursing school right now), can she handle the extra time for water changes, can she get that fish a suitable tank as well as getting the female I'm keeping for her one. In the end, she realizes that she can't handle that much and declines reluctantly.

Keep in mind if the betta itself is savable, do you have the time and finances to put into it if it gets very ill or is constantly sick, do you have a suitable space for it, and will you be able to practice good husbandry for it, and do you_ really_ want/need it.

You, unfortunately, cannot save them all.


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## Kytkattin (May 15, 2011)

I am maxed out at 3. I am super jealous of all the people on this website that get to have 5, 10, 50. lol. I just try to do my best with the few that I have, knowing I can take really good care of them by not stretching myself too thin. 

I also really only want a giant/king betta for my next fish, and while I do have a 20 gallon that could use a fish, I can't actually put that tank anywhere right now as I am already over my permitted number of tanks in a dorm. However, just a little less than 2 years from now, you know darn well that is going to be my next fish! (well, that is not true, I don't expect Smaug to be around in 2 years and I will want to have a fish for that half of the tank, but half of a 5 gallon tank is not big enough for a king)


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

Pataflafla said:


> I had a plan from the start (However unexpected the start was and however that plan backfired). I wanted to be able to keep all of my betta(s) in my room.
> 
> I only expected to get 1 (Ratchet). Then I got Moonshoes because his spawn brothers were taken, but not him. Then I got Mirage and Starscream (Mirage had been there for over a month and his spawn brothers were all taken long before I decided to bring him home. Starscream would have drowned in his cup from how weak he was). Sabino was the last (And the one that broke my plan for the most part since she's in my sister's room in the sorority).
> 
> ...


Was the last part to me or in general? Haha 6 of the 12 I have were sick when they came home. I have no issues treating sick fish, as I have stock saved in most medicines due to my tropical tanks. We're ok financial wise, I'm a stay at home Mom so I have time. Space is an issue, only because I am running out of practical places for tanks lol I,like the boys in the living room, and I'd have to remove a sofa for a Betta wall if I get another 10g. I have lots of space in my bedroom though. 

Am I the only one who thinks 6 boys and a sorority (3 10gs) isn't a lot of bettas? 

Good news though, my local breeder will have Blue Dragon Butterfly HMs for sale next spring. May upgrade to a 20gL and get more girls.


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## Pataflafla (Jun 2, 2011)

Last part is an in general. Didn't mean to direct it at you. Late at night where I am, so I'm not my sharpest. I just have to use that as a reminder to my sister and myself since the only places we can get bettas without having them shipped is Walmart, Petsmart, and a terrible local pet store (The betta cups are 1/3 the size of the small Walmart ones), so they're pretty much all sick no matter what.

I don't think you have too large a number. My sister and I combined have 17 (6 girls though).

I always have to ask my sister where she would fit another tank since every open space is taken up basically. She's got 10 gallons of water on her computer desk, 12 on her dresser, 10 on a side table, and 4 on an old bookshelf. She's got 9 tanks in her room already. I, on the other hand, only have 3 (Not going above that).

It's good that you have the time and finances, but space is always an issue with tanks. If you feel you're up to par for another betta, technically there's nothing stopping you.


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## Bambi (Sep 11, 2011)

I just tell myself i can't provide a good home for it because i don't have room for every betta that gives me puppy dogs eyes.


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## ShyDog (Oct 15, 2011)

Maybe in a dorm, not so much in a house. I like to think of tank size when I start thinking about more fish. I set up a community tank to enjoy having more fish in general, and i'm quite happy with my two guys (one is in a 5 gallon, the other is in a 1.5 gallon cause of his issues) 

It's all about where you want to put them really, I wanted FW on my desk, Falcor by my bed and the girls on the Dry Sink. 



Pitluvs said:


> Am I the only one who thinks 6 boys and a sorority (3 10gs) isn't a lot of bettas?


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## Littlebittyfish (Jan 5, 2011)

If you have the time,space, and a way to provide proper care I would bring him home...I have 10 males now and that is my limit for now because I have no more tanks for another betta..(until I get my 20 gallon up and running anyway lol)unless I divided my one 10 gallon but I dont think that would be fair to my fish whos lived there in his 10 gallon un divided....I may get another betta once I get my other tanks up and running and figured out though...I will have a 5 gallon empty then. ..But I am waiting until I get that tank up and running again and figue out where I want to put it before I get another betta...In the past I have bought bettas I had fallen in love with and then worked on setting upthe tanks later and that was sort of stressful because I have issues finding supplies locally sometimes..haha..Now I have it set in my head that I want a certain type of betta..Because I will only have space for one more betta..so I am not just picking out any fish to bring home...I am being picky this time..lol..but if i absolutely fell in love with a certain betta...I would probably bring him home....I guess I probably dont have the "betta addiction" under control though...haha...


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## GreenTea (Jan 31, 2011)

After my initial betta bug where I had to have every tail type and color I could find, I just decided to focus on my favorite tail type, hmpk, and hmpk giants. Then I picked pairs I know would be good breeding pairs, set an allowance (turns out that part was irrelevant!,) and carefully picked each female and then looked for a good male counterpart.

I wanted to try a sorority, as I felt comfortable enough with bettas and behaviors to establish one. That went beautifully, and so I've moved onto my ultimate goal of being a breeder in the US. It makes it really easy not to buy any thinking about the water changes that will come with fry! So for me, I guess it's just having a plan or goal with my flock. Otherwise it's easy for me to get distracted and what if, you know?

It kind of does sound you have the time, money, resources and desire to care for him, but getting a breeding pair next summer would be amazing! And who knows, maybe there's someone new in your area you've never met that's crazy about bettas too and will give him a great life, or even a decent one, one better than dying in a cup. I know how hard it is to stop obsessing though, especially when you find one you adore!


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

GreenTea said:


> After my initial betta bug where I had to have every tail type and color I could find, I just decided to focus on my favorite tail type, hmpk, and hmpk giants. Then I picked pairs I know would be good breeding pairs, set an allowance (turns out that part was irrelevant!,) and carefully picked each female and then looked for a good male counterpart.
> 
> I wanted to try a sorority, as I felt comfortable enough with bettas and behaviors to establish one. That went beautifully, and so I've moved onto my ultimate goal of being a breeder in the US. It makes it really easy not to buy any thinking about the water changes that will come with fry! So for me, I guess it's just having a plan or goal with my flock. Otherwise it's easy for me to get distracted and what if, you know?
> 
> It kind of does sound you have the time, money, resources and desire to care for him, but getting a breeding pair next summer would be amazing! And who knows, maybe there's someone new in your area you've never met that's crazy about bettas too and will give him a great life, or even a decent one, one better than dying in a cup. I know how hard it is to stop obsessing though, especially when you find one you adore!


I hear you on the plan thing, I do have a plan in motion here it's just not going anywhere at the moment. I've been researching and trying to get enough information on breeding, I have my trio already but I'm not feeling like it's the right time for me to start. I fight with myself daily! Some days I'm all for it as I sit in my 2nd bathroom looking at the set up, other days I think it wouldn't be so great as Bettas are not a well sought after fish around here. I have a lot on my plate as is. So for now, that plan is on hold. My previous plan was a sorority, I planned that one well! I decided to get 3 from a breeder that were older and always together, and then picked up two submissive females at the pet store. Luckily our pet store houses the females together so you can watch them. My sorority is working out amazingly as everyones personalities match their roles in the tank. I feel confident in my betta care though, and I have a system for everything here. Days of the week are numbered for certain animals and it allows me to give them the care they need. I'd be in hot water if I didn't keep it organized that's for sure!

I did end up taking him home, this week drove me crazy and he was the only one left tonight. Thankfully I did, the last time I left a betta behind and returned for her... it was too late and she died at home  This time, he's in rough shape but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before.

I'll say it now though, I'M DONE! Well until next summer anyways!


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## bettalover2033 (Feb 17, 2010)

Ya know what, that is one of the most beautiful posing pictures i have seen. Its so simple and thats what makes it 'Art'.

Flawless male you have there as well!

-BL2033


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## elijahfeathers (Oct 15, 2010)

I hit a point where I'd purchased too many fish who just didn't work out for one reason or another... sickly, not what I expected when I got them home, ect. I also was feeling like I was buying fish for color-- for example I bought a lovely white dragon with red fins... he was a doubletail PK. But I don't really like doubletails that much. He turned out to be really sickly, too-- and after a few months of being the most sad, lazy fish I'd ever seen, he died.

The other part is.. I see all these lovely fish on aquabid and stuff-- and some fish look great in the light and all. But they don't look as good in a tank setting. Sure, a fish like the one in your first post is GORGEOUS. But it won't look half as vibrant in an in-home tank with lighting from overhead (as opposed to strong lighting from many directions). A photoshoot is different from what something looks like irl.


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

My avitar?


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

elijahfeathers said:


> I hit a point where I'd purchased too many fish who just didn't work out for one reason or another... sickly, not what I expected when I got them home, ect. I also was feeling like I was buying fish for color-- for example I bought a lovely white dragon with red fins... he was a doubletail PK. But I don't really like doubletails that much. He turned out to be really sickly, too-- and after a few months of being the most sad, lazy fish I'd ever seen, he died.
> 
> The other part is.. I see all these lovely fish on aquabid and stuff-- and some fish look great in the light and all. But they don't look as good in a tank setting. Sure, a fish like the one in your first post is GORGEOUS. But it won't look half as vibrant in an in-home tank with lighting from overhead (as opposed to strong lighting from many directions). A photoshoot is different from what something looks like irl.


See that's the thing, I never buy for colors or tail type. The day I was there looking at Sheldon, there was a copper dragon veil tail, a blue double tail and some interesting crown tails. I believe there was a few Mustard Gas too. All my guys where bought sick, I never really chose a color except for Ben (the first) and even my breeders Bettas were chosen by her, not me. I kinda picked Sheldon the day I was there, but I know I wouldn't have picked another today. I honestly don't think I've picked a single animal in my house  They were all pets that no one else wanted, or were in trouble. I can see your point though, when Betta owning becomes Betta collecting.... miggghhhht be the time to stop and rethink things.

My Spidey came from the breeder and looked nothing like his photos at 3 months (he was 10m when I finally got him). I totally see what you're saying about pictures looking like a totally different fish. My Carnage looked just like his video on Aquabid though, which was better than seeing a picture. I have seen soo many members fish not turn out to be the same as the photos


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## elijahfeathers (Oct 15, 2010)

See I don't normally have a desire to buy ill fish. The only 'rescue' I got I pitched a fit over, because his fins were GONE, his water was disgusted, and his cup was cracked and had leaked and he hardly had room to flop in the filth. After I finished talking to a manager, he offered me the fish for free. Scrappy was what I called him, and once he was in good shape I offered him to my brother, who keeps him as a deskfish and loves him a lot. He renamed him Shakespear and gave him a castle-- and Shakespear is quite happy. I still sneak water changed every now and then when I'm doing my tanks, as my bro skimps on them sometimes, but eh. He's not really a fish I enjoy looking at. I try to buy healthy, beautiful fish.


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

Different strokes for different folks I guess! I come from a very active rescue background, so my home goes to animals who really need it and would otherwise be dead if it were not for my offering  To me it's like buying a breeder dog while shelter dogs die. I find there nothing more rewarding than looking at a fish swimming around happy and healthy, that was on death door months ago. I'm not really big on looks either, I appreciate all Bettas for their own personal beautiful uniqueness. 

Sounds like you've had a rough go in the past with sick fish?


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## Tikibirds (May 26, 2011)

The only thing stopping me from getting males is the simple fact that I don't have any more outlets to plug in heaters. Plus my sister insists that I am a fish hoarder. My fish are well cared for, thank you very much. Unlike her 5 goldfish in a 10 gallon with unclean water *eyeroll*

I think I am at my limit though with 23.


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## TaraVictor (Nov 5, 2011)

Space is what stops me, and probably the fact that I'm still familiarising myself and getting used to caring for Victor (I even find that a challenge xD) I would quite gladly buy more bettas if only I have the space for them. =P

I know when I visited the pet shop to buy Victor, I was quite indecisive of which one I should buy, as there was so much choice. It just so happens that at this particular pet shop I go to, there are times where they have much more choice than others. When I went to buy my first betta, I was quite indecisive then too, even though there wasn't near as much choice as there was when I went for Victor.

Pitluvs: That betta you posted is really beautiful! I would find it difficult to walk away from him too.


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## elijahfeathers (Oct 15, 2010)

Well, unlike a lot of people here I view bettas a little differently than say, a cat or a dog. It doesn't mean i don't provide for them the best care I can, it's just... Fish are fish to me. When you breed fish, you have to cull some as far as I know. Just because of the sheer number of them anyway, and the deformities of some. I find it deeply hypocritical that people think it's okay to cull fish when breeding and keep them certain ways but if it's a pet owner suddenly it's terrible. But that's a different discussion.

I also find that buying sick fish from chainstores to rescue them is rather like purchasing a puppymill puppy from a back yard breeder that has health issues. Granted, I don't think fish are people, and I don't think pets in general are people so my opinion varies a lot from most people you will find on pet-based forums.

Part of my reason is also that I've had sick fish before and it went rather badly. I even had one who appeared outwardly healthy but was lethargic for months until he passed away. The other part is all my tanks are planted and it is unfortinantly difficult to treat illnesses in a tank that's so sensitive to meds/salts. Even if I remove the fish for the treatment, the tank may reinfect him.


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)




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## ManInBlack2010 (Sep 7, 2011)

pretty much money and space... i don't have much more room in my room for tanks and there is no way my parents will let me put tanks in other parts of the house. it also costs so darn much to put together a tank what with the filter, heater, gravel/sand, plants/decor... i can't talk though, i fell in love with a white hm at petsmart last night and bought a whole new tank and him and a snail... *facepalm*


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## Pitluvs (Jun 22, 2011)

See that's one advantage I do have, I have a house and it's mine. I have a 10g, 5.5g, and a 2.65g in my living room. There's a 29g and 1.5g in the kitchen. Then there's the 15g and 10g in the bedroom. I'm out of spaces for tanks unless I start using shelves. My second bathroom in the basement is set up for breeding and it has it's own controlled heat source. I guess living with someone else or parents (or dorms) and owning fish can really put a damper on things!

Did water changes tonight, did all except the 10g and the 2.65g in less than an hour. The 1.5g makes a slight difference in water changes. Phew!

I'm done though, I need to rehome some Swordtails


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## gidgeystartedit (Nov 13, 2011)

The only thing that stops me is that I'm out of room in my room (that sounds funny) and my mom always gets angry when I ask her. I just got another boy 2 days ago and I plan to get him a 2.5 but he's in a temporary 1 gal right now.
There's this PERFECT spot in my bathroom for a tank but I refuse to not have one in my room.. Plus it'll be a hassle to go to two rooms for feeding... but that's certainly just me .
My desk already has 6 gallons on it.. surprised it didn't break yet 
KIDDING.


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