# Insensitive Comments?



## Starburst44 (Feb 24, 2015)

How about we share some insensitive things people have said to us about betta keeping.

Once, when I went on a vacation, I left my betta with an acquaintance. I returned three weeks later, the tank was overrun with algae and my betta was barely alive. She had obviously not cleaned the tank at all.

Months later, I let her know that the betta had passed away. She turned to me, laughed, and said "Looks like I took better care of him than you did!"


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## Bikeridinguckgirl14 (Oct 22, 2013)

When I was transporting my fish home from college my favorite baby got cold and passed, someone had the gall to tell me that, while their fish died of being in dirty 50degree water "naturally", I killed my fish. I got more miffed than I'd like to admit


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## Ilovebettasbk11 (Nov 12, 2013)

People tell me my fish will die cause i didnt want a filter but thats ok carma did hit that person


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

Unfortunately, velvet is the bane of my fish room and I have lost a lot of my wild bettas to it over the years.

My dad likes to pretend I kill/murder my fish and sometimes even asks if any of them have died lately. 

But my dad is just insensitive in general. He thinks it's being 'honest' but mostly it's just him being rude.


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## BettaStarter24 (Mar 24, 2014)

My entire family states that they're just $2 fish and are practically disposable. My mom's even told me she's dumping them all down the drain if I don't get good enough grades. 

I'm gonna tell her next time she does that I'm gonna burn all of her yarn if she even dares try to dump my boys down the drain.


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## jadaBlu (Feb 14, 2013)

LittleBettaFish said:


> Unfortunately, velvet is the bane of my fish room and I have lost a lot of my wild bettas to it over the years.
> 
> My dad likes to pretend I kill/murder my fish and sometimes even asks if any of them have died lately.
> 
> But my dad is just insensitive in general. He thinks it's being 'honest' but mostly it's just him being rude.


I've dealt with someone like that. Did you know that a pinch of salt is supposed to prevent velvet? I have not had it happen to me but I gather it's a preventable disease. There is thread that talks about this. I will see if I can find it for you and post.


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## jadaBlu (Feb 14, 2013)

That is horrible she should help you with homework or get you a tutor if you are having trouble. I would rig up a little padlock on my tank under those circumstances.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

jadaBlu said:


> I've dealt with someone like that. Did you know that a pinch of salt is supposed to prevent velvet? I have not had it happen to me but I gather it's a preventable disease. There is thread that talks about this. I will see if I can find it for you and post.


My wilds are different from splendens. They seem to be much more susceptible to velvet. They are fish that come from peat swamps with very low dissolved mineral content and highly acidic water, and I've found they do not seem to like having salt added to their water very much. 

The issue is velvet is incredibly hard to spot on my wilds and so all it takes is I put my hands in a tank of what I think are healthy fish and then another tank and I can spread it very quickly through my tanks. 

I did not mean to derail the thread but there's not much else I can do for my fish other than treat velvet when it arises.


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## jadaBlu (Feb 14, 2013)

LittleBettaFish said:


> My wilds are different from splendens. They seem to be much more susceptible to velvet. They are fish that come from peat swamps with very low dissolved mineral content and highly acidic water, and I've found they do not seem to like having salt added to their water very much.
> 
> The issue is velvet is incredibly hard to spot on my wilds and so all it takes is I put my hands in a tank of what I think are healthy fish and then another tank and I can spread it very quickly through my tanks.
> 
> I did not mean to derail the thread but there's not much else I can do for my fish other than treat velvet when it arises.


I know you are experienced in keeping fish. The thread was interesting though. I have not been a big advocate of salt in the past. I will PM you a few thoughts. I had a different sort of trouble that seemed to improve with some changes. So back the regular thread.....


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## ZZD (Jan 13, 2013)

BettaStarter24 said:


> My entire family states that they're just $2 fish and are practically disposable. My mom's even told me she's dumping them all down the drain if I don't get good enough grades.
> 
> I'm gonna tell her next time she does that I'm gonna burn all of her yarn if she even dares try to dump my boys down the drain.


My sister keeps hairless rats that we have pent thousands of dollars on over the years in vet expenses for them (many batches of rats, not the same group) and we get that a lot.

I get a lot of comments about my fish as well. My sisters are understanding because its like the rats and we all worry over the living things we've chosen to keep in our house under our care. I've gotten teased about being worked up about my old man betta (4 years+ old at the time) who got popeye from an injury and when one of my Panda Garras damaged his gill covers. I had some people roll their eyes and laugh at me when I panicked about my Vampire shrimp being missing for a week (he found a new place to hide, he's fine). I also have gotten a lot of teasing for getting bigger tanks and other 'extras' for my fish to make them happier. 

I think though the worst comments are people who yell at me about having my betta in a 30 gallon with other fish and shrimp. Fish and shrimp he had lived with for years in a 10 gallon with no issue. I go to the store to pick up things and people ask me about my tank and I mention my betta and they flip out and tell me what a bad owner I am. He is nearing 6 years old. I think I'm doing better than they are when they have the nerve to tell me a betta only lives about 2 years. I might not know everything about fish and tanks, but I've only had 2 injuries and zero illness (other than the newer betta's cyst but he's on his own and I'm working on that) in my many years of keeping betta.


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## PurpleJay (Jan 4, 2015)

A friend said that female and male bettas can be kept together. I tried to explain that no, they couldn't or else they'd tear each other to pieces, but she said that my betta knowledge was very small and I should research more before telling her she was wrong. 
Like dude.
No.


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## Ilovebettasbk11 (Nov 12, 2013)

PurpleJay said:


> A friend said that female and male bettas can be kept together. I tried to explain that no, they couldn't or else they'd tear each other to pieces, but she said that my betta knowledge was very small and I should research more before telling her she was wrong.
> Like dude.
> No.


The one that should do more research is her not you thats no friend at all talking to you like that


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## Tress (Jun 6, 2014)

Ha. I just had this the other day at the store when I was buying another betta. They were asking me if my bettas kept dieing on me or if I just had a bunch. I told them I had a bunch but that I kept them in proper tanks - not bowls. Then she was like "When are you going to move onto REAL fish and properly use your tanks?" I didn't get much of a word in edge wise because my mom was adding to poking fun and laughing along with them. They then just completely ignored me and only saw me as a child - despite being 20. Then at the end the lady was telling my mom "Oh she'll get over this betta phase".

Then there is the lady who gave me a betta for my birthday last year who, when she saw me, the first thing she asked was if he was dead yet. Then she was looking at me crazy when I told her not only was he doing fine that I was getting a 6th betta that day. Mind you, she always killed hers from keeping them in a tiny bowl like a "decoration".


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## DancingGirl808 (Feb 27, 2015)

ZZD said:


> we all worry over the living things we've chosen to keep in our house under our care.


Yes! People don't understand that this is the underlying sentiment of where the worry comes from! We want to provide the best care for our pets! 

I think the worst thing people say is, "It's just a fish." 

I hear that all the time from non-fish-people.


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## BettaStarter24 (Mar 24, 2014)

It bugs me when people say "It's just a fish" too. Like "oh they're not a dog or a cat so they're inferior" they may not be as complex as a dog or a cat and you may not be able to pet them or cuddle them but that doesn't mean that they don't have feelings, even if they aren't as complex as human feelings, and it doesn't mean that they aren't still living animals that deserve proper care. It just bugs me to no end when people put fish in the same category as a household decoration or something that is just disposable and easily replaceable.


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

New studies are showing that even plants have a form of communication.

I think the most insensitive thing I've ever had someone tell me about my fish is the following. When I bought baby Shimmer, we had a bet on what his colors would be when he grew into them. One person bet, "dead."


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## Crossroads (Jun 28, 2014)

BettaStarter24 said:


> It bugs me when people say "It's just a fish" too. Like "oh they're not a dog or a cat so they're inferior" they may not be as complex as a dog or a cat and *you may not be able to pet them or cuddle them* but that doesn't mean that they don't have feelings, even if they aren't as complex as human feelings, and it doesn't mean that they aren't still living animals that deserve proper care. It just bugs me to no end when people put fish in the same category as a household decoration or something that is just disposable and easily replaceable.


Lol tell that to my King, Sirekan. Every time I stick my hand in the tank he comes and rests against my hand.


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## PurpleJay (Jan 4, 2015)

Dude that's adorable.


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

Violet did that, too. I've read about people who could pet their betta, too.


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## LarixLyallii (Jan 19, 2015)

Crossroads said:


> Lol tell that to my King, Sirekan. Every time I stick my hand in the tank he comes and rests against my hand.


You should take video of that for mad internet points. 


...sorry, I Reddit a lot. (and by a lot, I mean occasionally)


I don't have much experience with insensitive comments about my fish, but I haven't had them as long as I've had my dog and cat. Quite a few people have told me I care too much about my animals, which usually makes me go "well I don't care much about you..." 

Some people are just insensitive jerks who feel entitled to share their insensitive opinions with every human they see.


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## Alyssalovesbettas (Jul 19, 2014)

Sadist said:


> Violet did that, too. I've read about people who could pet their betta, too.


I can pet one of my fish! Azir swims up and lets me pet him! He might just want food though..... :-?


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

My current fish just nip at me since I hand/finger feed them frozen food.


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## Tress (Jun 6, 2014)

Anyone else hate it when your parent/sibling/friend tell other people about your fish? It drives me nuts when my mom talks to other family members/friends about my fish because I don't know how they will react/think of me after. Plus she gets so many things wrong about it (how many tanks I have/sizes, etc) that I end up correcting her/getting dragged into the conversation. It's very uncomfortable.


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## LittleBettaFish (Oct 2, 2010)

My younger brother used to take his girlfriends/random girls he would just bring home on a tour of my fish room, which at the time was also my bedroom. That was always awkward. Usually people want to know why my tanks are 'dirty' because my water is so brown for my wild bettas. 

I was surprised one day when my dad said he'd been talking to a lady at work who kept or bred fish that I had my own blog and took photos of my fish etc. especially considering he is not a fan of my hobby.


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## Nyri (Sep 23, 2014)

Tress said:


> Anyone else hate it when your parent/sibling/friend tell other people about your fish? It drives me nuts when my mom talks to other family members/friends about my fish because I don't know how they will react/think of me after. Plus she gets so many things wrong about it (how many tanks I have/sizes, etc) that I end up correcting her/getting dragged into the conversation. It's very uncomfortable.


With the fish, I haven't really told many people about them, but I usually end up hating it when people (usually my grandma) talk about anything of mine to someone else... because it's not their business, and if they need or want to know, I can tell them about it myself. I also used to feel awkward when my grandma would send out those Christmas announcement type things... like a newsletter almost because she'd basically give the story of what was happening in each family member's life without consulting with us first... all of this was before fish, and she has no idea what I'm doing with my life now because I don't want the whole extended family and everyone at her church to know. She'll be the last person I invite to my wedding so she doesn't have as much time to tell everyone about it before it happens... and basically only because I know she'll take it out on my mom if I don't invite her and she finds out about it later.


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## Tress (Jun 6, 2014)

Nyri said:


> With the fish, I haven't really told many people about them, but I usually end up hating it when people (usually my grandma) talk about anything of mine to someone else... because it's not their business, and if they need or want to know, I can tell them about it myself. I also used to feel awkward when my grandma would send out those Christmas announcement type things... like a newsletter almost because she'd basically give the story of what was happening in each family member's life without consulting with us first... all of this was before fish, and she has no idea what I'm doing with my life now because I don't want the whole extended family and everyone at her church to know. She'll be the last person I invite to my wedding so she doesn't have as much time to tell everyone about it before it happens... and basically only because I know she'll take it out on my mom if I don't invite her and she finds out about it later.


Ironically my mom's cousin sends a letter like that too. I hate people knowing my business when I wasn't the one that told them. Often because people don't get their facts straight or twist things. I keep telling my mom to stop telling everyone about my fish/issues/life/what I did yesterday/etc, but it constantly goes right over her head. And she never gets any of it right either, so I try to at least correct her and she just messes it up worse -_-


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## OpalBones (Apr 10, 2014)

I get "It's just a Fish!" comments a lot and then there is a small army of uninformed people who say "I kept a betta in a bowl for years with only tap water and glass beads and he was fiiiine!". Bah.


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## greenfishfl (Nov 27, 2011)

OpalBones said:


> I get "It's just a Fish!" comments a lot and then there is a small army of uninformed people who say "I kept a betta in a bowl for years with only tap water and glass beads and he was fiiiine!". Bah.


I'm pretty sure what they felt was years was more than likely less than a couple of months or less.


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## pasoindy (Feb 19, 2012)

Crossroads said:


> Lol tell that to my King, Sirekan. Every time I stick my hand in the tank he comes and rests against my hand.


I used to pet my Purple Tang. He was like a dog. 
Tangs have spikes at the base of their tail and they will stab you if they don't like what you're doing.


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

greenfishfl said:


> I'm pretty sure what they felt was years was more than likely less than a couple of months or less.


My daughter's school does this. The hardy ones last years, the sensitive ones don't


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## BettaStarter24 (Mar 24, 2014)

Tress said:


> Ironically my mom's cousin sends a letter like that too. I hate people knowing my business when I wasn't the one that told them. Often because people don't get their facts straight or twist things. I keep telling my mom to stop telling everyone about my fish/issues/life/what I did yesterday/etc, but it constantly goes right over her head. And she never gets any of it right either, so I try to at least correct her and she just messes it up worse -_-


Tell me about it. My mom tells the entire family every time I mess something up, it's "Oh I must call everyone and tell them *** messed up". And she acts like because I have 6 fish I'm absolutely insane. Sure sometimes I have to agree, having 6 fish in a dorm room is definitely insane and tedious when it comes to water changes, but it's better than someone I've heard of that has 250 of them. 

She also often gets the sizes of the tanks wrong, but does get the number of fish I have correct. 

My family made fun of me for euthanizing Cas when he needed to be euthanized and pretty much said "If you go fishing are you going to euthanize the fish?" It bugs me when people make fun of me for liking bettas and keeping them. I wish I could just keep that secret but now that my entire family knows...well...


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## Tress (Jun 6, 2014)

BettaStarter24 said:


> Tell me about it. My mom tells the entire family every time I mess something up, it's "Oh I must call everyone and tell them *** messed up". And she acts like because I have 6 fish I'm absolutely insane. Sure sometimes I have to agree, having 6 fish in a dorm room is definitely insane and tedious when it comes to water changes, but it's better than someone I've heard of that has 250 of them.
> 
> She also often gets the sizes of the tanks wrong, but does get the number of fish I have correct.
> 
> My family made fun of me for euthanizing Cas when he needed to be euthanized and pretty much said "If you go fishing are you going to euthanize the fish?" It bugs me when people make fun of me for liking bettas and keeping them. I wish I could just keep that secret but now that my entire family knows...well...


Urgh I know right??

I wanted so badly for mom to NOT start gabbing about my fish to the family. At least I'm not alone. My nephew keeps tropical fish as well and he recently lost the angels he had since they were babies when he moved. But still... it's like a violation of privacy..


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

Wow, maybe you should let the parents know that these are pet fish, not eating fish. And yes, even eating fish should be killed quickly and cleanly so they don't suffer.


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## Starburst44 (Feb 24, 2015)

Speaking of eating fish, my family loves to joke about popcorn frying my bettas or making them into sushi.

Not. Funny.


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## stellenternet (Dec 3, 2014)

Crossroads said:


> Lol tell that to my King, Sirekan. Every time I stick my hand in the tank he comes and rests against my hand.


Awwww that is the cutest thing ever! I would love to do that with Caroline but I had this weird dream when I was younger and I don't like touching fish because of it. ( don't ask, it was a weird dream)


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## tuxthebetta (Apr 14, 2015)

I don't have anything "insensitive" to add -- more a story of the opposite. I recently moved in with my long-term boyfriend and he's seen me go completely nuts over this relatively new hobby for me -- including me freaking out and being totally OCD over the tank/fish. 

I was scared my slightly obsessive behavior would scare him off (he had to find out sometime) -- but it must be OK because I found out he is shopping for an engagement ring. <3


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## DangerousAngel (Mar 26, 2015)

OH That's so exciting!!
I know about being OCD about the fish/tanks. When I do a water change I do a full tank scrub too. :lol:
I thankfully have had no negative comments.


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## FinnyNina (Apr 19, 2015)

The worst comments I get are people asking me if I feed my little fish to my oscar when I get bored with them. The aquariums are in the same room, which maybe encourages comparison.

What? Do you feed your cat to your dog when you get bored with your cat?


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## Starburst44 (Feb 24, 2015)

I was watching a youtube video about bettas and one commenter detailed how he got bored of his oscars and let his terrier eat them. It makes me sick how people can be so cruel.


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## BettaStarter24 (Mar 24, 2014)

I found a youtube video of a guy who put a betta in with an oscar for fun to see who would win.


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## FinnyNina (Apr 19, 2015)

BettaStarter24 said:


> I found a youtube video of a guy who put a betta in with an oscar for fun to see who would win.


Oh, gosh, if I had a bit of money for every one of these videos... there's one that went viral a few years back of a guy putting his girlfriends' betta in with his oscar. Luckily it was over fast, one gulp and gone, but still. What a horrible thing to do. 

The worst for me is how she takes it, though. She's just laughing all the way through. This was your pet! How can you just laugh?


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## bubbles4ever (Jan 19, 2015)

Oh man, I can think of a lot. Most people told me not to name my first one because I would probably kill it within a week. My boyfriend who has kept different kind of fish but never bettas used to not believe the things I told him about betta care because he's been keeping fish for longer so obviously his info is right (not anymore though, now he knows I know my stuff). 

But the one that peaved me off the most came from one of my best friends. She keeps her betta in vase with no decorations, no heater, no filter, and has the plant on top to feed it... 

Anyways, when I posted a picture of my bettas tank on social media she texted me kinda of freaking out being like "why did you buy all that stuff for your fish? they don't need all that. all he needs is a bowl and to be feed a couple times a week. Oh and make sure to change the water out every couple months. If you keep him in that big tank (it was 2.5 gallons...) then its going to really stress him out. They live in puddles in the wild." I kindly told her that a lot of that information was myths and whatnot and her response was "no, it's not. my boyfriend kept bettas his whole life and thats what he did. They always lived to be at least a year." 

I didn't respond after that but it made me feel like I was losing brain cells. And the kicker is her betta in the vase is still alive and mine passed after just a year (due to no fault of my own) and I just KNOW she was probably thinking "haha see I told her she was taking care of it wrong". 

I love the girl but my god the second she starts talking about her fish my blood begins to boils because I know no matter what I say she won't change her care.


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## FinnyNina (Apr 19, 2015)

Start posting articles about betta care all over the place? Maybe encourage her to join the forum? Poor fish!


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## Nikki86 (Jan 6, 2015)

My mother n law thinks we are crazy cause "we would do anything for our animals" it makes me soooo mad when she says stuff like that I really want to say something about the 3 dogs that have died in the past year under her care (heartworms, ran over by a car, and poisoned cause it roamed the neighborhood) she's really been rude this past week since my dog had ACL surgery. 
My dad was looking at my Camo a couple weeks ago and I was complaining about his fin biting and he said how much did you pay for him a couple dollars, just flush him and buy another one! I really wanted to kick his butt out of my house!!! Grrrr


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## kenny780 (Jan 14, 2015)

Iv had my dad tell me that if I didn't the house good enough while he was gone he said he would flush all 7 of my bettas.He says their just fish.Their slimy little creatures.And you can't love a fish!He made me so mad!!And now he won't let me get them heaters!All he said was if their living without them they don't need them!


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## Sadist (Jan 1, 2015)

Can you explain that surviving is different from thriving? Some people just don't listen. 

I believe that we're responsible for our pets the way we would be with children. Maybe Kenny780 and Nikki86 can use that line of reasoning with the parents. You're responsible for the well being of your animals. Maybe they'll listen if you leave emotions out of it.


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